| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: i am 25, my boyfriend of 2 years has just gone on i trip to dubai, the day he left i found out (by looking through his old phone) he has cheated on me not just once but many times and also uses escourts. I havent confronted him yet as he is away but even though i am angry and feel sick by it i love him very much and thought we were going to spend our future together. Can someone who has cheated repeatedley be able to change and how do i deal with this
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): From the numerous times he has cheated and his use of escorts tells me that he is narcissistic and probably lacks a general respect for other peoples feelings including all of the women he is sleeping with....I would move on and find someone that shares your values of a faitihful committed relationship....he would make a terrible marriage partner, just think of a lifetime of this and you will know what to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): Only if he wants to change for himself and not just for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): I am a believer that people dont change, especially not for others.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): Once, shame on him. Twice, shame on you. There's two things that come to mind in this situation. 1. He's too young to settle down with just one woman. He has too many "wild oats" to sow and being faithful is not possible for him, no matter how much you love him. 2. There is something missing from his relationship with you that he feels the need to seek elsewhere. In either case, it would be best if you leave the relationship before you expend any more energy on someone who can't be faithful. There are plenty of men who can.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (3 October 2006):
 I can't speak for someone else in this matter only myself. I feel like a broken record. I cheated on my ex and I regret it even to this day as I love her very much. I vowed to never ever do it again. Not because she left me but because I caused so much hurt in the process and aftermath. Your boyfriend doesn't even know that you know. You never know how he will react to it or if he wants to change, but you have to take care of yourself. That means to break it off and find some peace. I know as you stated that you love him very much and I'm sure that you do, but what he did tears your trust to shreds and even puts you at risk for an STD. You need to take time and get yourself in order before you can proceed and make any kind of rational decision. I know what you're going thru because I have been on both sides of the coin. It hurts like hell!!! Its possible to love someone and cheat on them compared to what these people say on this site. There could be many factors to this behaviour. My concern is you and your well-being. Know that you are not the only one to suffer such disappointment and pain. We all at some point go thru it. Concentrate on getting yourself together. Confront him and listen to his explanation and decide what you will do. Talk to family and friends. You don't have to tell them why you aren't together, because everyone will have conflicting point of views. Just let them know you are taking time to work on yourself and you will think about a relationship later. Go out and try to have fun and keep yourself busy. I know that these things are easier said than done but it does work. As for him, I don't know what it is in him to make him want to cheat on you but people can change. That doesn't mean you have to stick around to see him do so but not having someone you love around makes you realize how much you do love and need them. Hopefully, that works for him. Good Luck and if you need some more guidance you can always private message me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): All people can change, dear. But the questions is..do you want to stick around and see if he will change for you? That could take days, months, even years. How long are you willing to wait and invest all your time, efforts and emotions into a relationship with a man, who clearly is not using self-control? Because as far as I'm concerned, cheating is a unmistakable and it's a glaring, self-evident, clearcut, 'choice' he has made in his mind and he takes full responsibilty for his behaviour.
In my books, even cheating one time, is one time too many. I know you are questioning his character, his respect for you and this relationship. Good for you..this is exactly what you should be doing. Discerning and learning 'who he is' by his actions. He sounds like a serial cheater and this is his problem..he owns it. Sadly, you still love this guy. You have a big decision to make. Stay and wait for change or realize that when some one loves another, they could never, ever cheat like this. Good luck, dear.
...............................
|
