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female
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*ozza
writes: Hi, my boyfriend and i have broke up on thursday after two years of being together, its so strange tho as neither one wants to break up. however lately he has acted like he couldn't be bothered with me and we were acting more like mates than boyfriend and girlfriend and he had been taking me for granted which really upset me. i walked out after an argument the other week and suddenly all this has happened. he says that he needs to sort himself out because he knows hes treated me badly and says he doesn't know why he just can't help it, he said he loves me but he hates the way he treats me and doesn't want to see me upset because of him. he feels he don't deserve me because he over heard his mum slagging him of about his behaviour (SHE ALWAYS PUTS HIM DOWN). he is a kind and loving man but sumtimes doesn't know how to show his feelings and just shuts down. although he has upset me i still love him and don't wanna break up he feels the same but we're still splitting up. i dont know why? should i save our relationship or just let him slip away because he doesn't feel he deserves me? i don't know what to do, i dont wanna keep getting hurt but i can't get him out of my head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2006): This decision is entirely yours to make. You have to consider your options carefully, though. If you do try to resolve things with him, you'll have to be accepting of the fact that he isn't going to always treat you very well, and you are likely to end up hurt down the road. If you let him go, there will be other men who come your way, but you run the risk of losing this one forever. You can't decide today that you don't want him, then expect him to be there waiting for you whenever you're ready to take him back, you know? But, like I said, there will be other men who come your way, who will treat you better, but most likely will be lacking in other areas. No one is perfect. It's a matter of being able to tolerate your partner's flaws. You sound like you really love him and want to be together with him, so why not talk to him? Don't let him put himself down. If he starts to, maybe suggest ways that he can be better about things. If he just digs himself into a hole, he'll think that there is no way out, which is where he is at now. You have to let him know that just because he isn't perfect doesn't mean he can't work on his bad behaviors. Suggest that maybe the two of you go to couple's counseling. I think whatever issues the two of you have, they can be resolved and you can be happy together. You just need to take the first step and open up the communication. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. Discuss your problem(s) and solution(s) with him. Make sure you both know that nothing is ever hopeless and things can change if you're both willing to work on it. I hope this helps. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay for you in the end. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
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