A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need to know what is going on with my relationship at the minute. We have been going out for a year and three months and over that last couple of months thisngs have changed.My boyfriend seems too be getting more and more immature and selfish. By this i mean that he starts the petiest of arguments and sees everything as his, not ours. For example we have just had a new bed delivered to his mums house (we are moving in tomorrow as out student contract is up at our flat). His brother asked if his gf could sleep in our room that night and without even asking me my bf said yes. And then when i asked him (nicely) why he said yes without consulting me he snapped and said "its my room"! Now that to me means i am in a one sided relationship and i am dating a selfish pig! (it isn't the first time he has done this to me).Last night he told me he would change (for the second time). But i have always thought you can never change someone. Am i right?Secondly he keeps saying to me that i am the reason we argue so much, but i know this isn't true. he never takes no as a answer and is constantly asking me why i do something. This i believe is what is causing the arguments as he knows this behaviour winds me up!I have come close to leaving him just lately but i can't because i do love him. How can i get around these problems? Or is it me?Sorry this is so long, i needed a rant!Thank you for reading
View related questions:
immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, both of you seem to know what is going on. Thank you, its nice to know that it isn't just us that are going/been through this. I have been living with him for 9 months and i think you are right anon 1. I am thinking about a braek. He can move in with his mum as planned and i go back to my home town which is 2 hours away. Maybe that way he will wor out what he wants? The problem is we are moving in with his mum today! Do i break now or wait a little?
Thanks again guys!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Ha, something I can relate to!So you have been living with your boyfriend for a while?I had moved in with my boyfriend after about 8 months, and at just the same time you two are at, it seemed like we went downhill.Well, he went downhill. Not that I helped all the much =]Looking back on it now, I think it was a mixture of several things. In my experience, I guy hits a point in a relationship where he thinks things are getting serious, not in the way we women do, but more in a panic attack way. Without... Actually panicing. It's like their brains go into defensive mode, and the subconciously do things to keep the relationship at a platonic level. Also, they have another little panic virus after living together for a while, this is more of the "i am a man and this is my space" voice in the back of their heads.Shortly thereafter, my boyfriend and I split for a while. I went to San Francisco for school, and he began to party. It was tough, but I remained friends [and only friends] with him, and a very good friend at that. He told me he thought he wanted this party life, and women, and lots of drinking, and even though it was all fun he never got the same happiness we have doing absolutely nothing. It took even longer for me to decide what I wanted, but now we are much better off than we were. He has taken such a big step forward, I no longer have to deal with defensive, jealous, or controlling rage.My advice, is to maybe take a step back [not saying dump him or anything] and look at all the things you like about the relationship. Do your best to be happy with what you have, and avoid arguements. Perhaps if your boyfriend feels a little space between you two, yet you are still being a wonderful girl to him, he will try to hold on and work for what he cares about. Maybe he will no longer take advantage of the good thing he's got.
...............................
|
