A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My husbands family have never accepted me into their circle ... I am 12yrs older than him and we have been together for 7yrs. My mother in law is bosom buddies with her 2 other daughters in- law and they gossip about me behind my back. I have decided to cut them off from me, but my husband can make up his own mind if he wants to see them or not. Am i doing the right thing? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2005): First of all let me tell you what I think of gossip. I hate it. Gossip is simply just empty moments of personal glory for the one's who gossip and that's just plain ugliness. We don't tear down other people in life to feel superior and that's all these people are doing to you. So feel pity for these people because you become "something" through living your life with honesty and with integrity. They have become "nothing" through gloating about other people's misfortunes or shortcomings. Their own personal disappointments and frustration does not give them the license to inflict pain in other people's lives.
In-laws can bless or curse a marriage. My biggest concern is your husband. Your husband should be clear with his family that he will not tolerate any insults or slurs about his wife. He must make them understand that if it is between wife and his family, he will always choose his wife. That is the first and best way a man polices his family’s borders. He should expect nothing less from them, than respect for you...his wife. I imagine he is saddened because he is in a tough place, torn between his wife and family. He is going to have to learn how to be a different man around his family and not let them yank him and his family around. This will be long term work-so give it time.
In the meantime, I wouldn't cut them off completely...
instead, develop a polite detachment. The kind of politeness that doesn’t react to the slurs and jabs. The kind of politeness tells you both to leave the situation, if people get difficult. The kind of politeness that uses strengths and pre-planning to leave when situations are too uncomfortable and you have several 'ready-made' excuses. A detachment that can be respectful, polite and kind, and when needed - but distant. A detachment that will eventually help you ignore and scoff at their immature, silly gossip and antics. Let it go..it's their problem and it only shows others, they do possess the worst, least admirable quality of a human being and that is...their "nothingness" Take care and stay strong.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (3 December 2005):
 Well like I always say inlaws are always the outlaws. This is a common problem in all marriages.Basically just ignore them; laugh at them act confidently with your head high up. Close the doors on them and if you are doing this you are doing the right thing. Don't waste your breathe on them they are not worth it . He loves you you love him basically they dont matter at all the most importnat thing is you and him you are the number one in his life the most importnat person and he loves you that is importnat. after all you married him not his family your committment is with him not them focus on each other and build on that.Keep the inlaws oout they do not matter you and him do.
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