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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there. Here is my thing, my bf and I have been together a year and half and we are trying to buy a house together. We see eachother about 2/3 times a week, sometimes more. We tend to chill out together, eat, go to dinner, the usual kind of thing. I love cooking and most times when we see eachother I cook for us and we share the cost of the meal and wine. Tonight I am going round his house and I said what shall we eat and he said ‘just get yourself something’ as he cooked last night and has some left over! I find this attitude really selfish. Or is he just being typically male? He is very good at saving (ok he is tight!) but he managed to save nearly £20,000 in two years and that is the reason we are able to buy a house.Should I just accept that he is tight and likes to eat crappy food but because of this we are able to buy a house together? At the same time, I wish he would cook a nice meal for me, he does occasionally but not too often. Now tonight I have to buy myself something. Am I being petty? Sometimes when we go out to eat he treats me so he is not always tight. Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe ended up buying some food and eating togther!
No way is it a deal breaker; I'm not that high maintenence. He's a wondeful man and I am very financially independent anyway, so it doesnt really matter that much, I guess.
I would much prefer him to be like this than to be irresponsible with money! At the end of the day he has managed to save £20,000 and he is willing to put that in to a house, with me, wheraes I have about £2,000 to put towards it. If that's penny pinching then maybe it is a good thing!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): I wouldn't worry about this particular incident too much. But I do think it raises two questions:
1. It sounds like you have different attitudes to money. You are about to buy a house together, which means you're pooling your resources and that you need to have a mutual, agreed 'money game plan'. If one of you is very open-handed with cash, and the other is tight-fisted, you might find this a source of conflict. Since you're not already living together, it would be a very good idea to have a straightforward, unemotional conversation about your household budget. Try to quantify things properly, so you can see how much each of you will pay towards mortgage, bills, and how much you'll have left over. Discuss how you'll divide any leftovers between you, and what your priorities will be for spending. Believe me, this might sound a bit prosaic, but it's really essential stuff. So many couples sadly have arguments about money because they never did this.
2. I do think his behaviour was a bit selfish and unmannerly - you should never simply cook for yourself like that, it's rude! I am sure he could have divided his leftovers with you, and you could have cooked something new to eat together. You're a team now - and you share and share alike in the good and the bad. I don't think you should raise this in a conflictual way, but I do think you should mention that, while you realize that he's trying to save money, you were a bit hurt. Explain that you are actually a team not just financially but practically - and this means that you should have an equal share in chores like cooking and shopping as well as in money matters! At the same time, remember - he is saving for a future with you, so he is committed and doesn't deserve too hard a time about it!!
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I wouldn't worry too much about it. He is trying to save his money for a future with you. Talk to him about it and explain how you feel. Don't turn it into a fight and make sure you explain you are on his side.
Good Luck!
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