A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a relationship with a man who continuously tells me that he loves me. I put in a whole lot of effort to keep this long distance relationship work. I make sure that I am looking good and well taken care of from my hygiene to what I have on. At times my man cant keep his paws off of me. And I make sure to keep him at his toes and best believe I make sure that our sex life is booming because I know the exact spots on his body that makes a man feel like a million bucks. This man thinks I am THE ONE for him he sometimes slips up when he's been drinking and calls me the wifey. We do share an intense amount of chemistry when we are with each other emotionally, physically, mentally etc...But there are things that have happened between us that made me want to stray away. I've been too good to him and I cant stop being nice thats just how I am when I'm in a relationship. Am I a heartbreaker for giving him it all and then ending the relationship having him realizing what he is going to lose? I know Im a great lover and that is what I want too.. Please help, Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Your second post puts things in a different light. It's a testimony to your genuine nature that you feel bad about leaving him (if only more people were as decent!), but this sounds like an unhealthy relationship, and it's understandable that you want to leave.There are times when we need to stand by our partners, and give them unconditional support. You've done all that and more. I'm guessing his mother passed away some time ago, in which case he should be getting back on his feet and not behaving like this any more. Low self esteem isn't itself a reason to leave someome - unless it manifests itself as deeply neurotic and damaging behaviour. Making drunken abusive phone calls is not acceptable behaviour in my book.Have you told him how you feel, and that he needs to sort himself out or risk losing you (not in so many words)?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I am the one who asked the question: And to get into a few more details...
Our relationship is not just based on sex but I can assure you it holds the relationship together. My boyfriend and I vibe at a mental level where I have been there for him at everything you can ask for.
When his mother passed it changed his life drastically. I stood by him helping him get back on track again. He drank heavily, he relied on drugs, went out all night, got into fights basically lost himself and fell into depression, and sadly has low self esteem but a big arrogant ego. Yet I stood by him. I would remind him he was a very smart man that he should show the world what his capabilities are (because he is when his mind is clear). I was his motivator his spirit. He would thank me and constantly tell me he loves me and that his mother would of thought I was a damn fine lady.
Ok but let's check back into reality. His drinking fiasco re enters here and there. I can't take his drunken phone calls where he is screaming into my ear about how bad of a woman I am when I know I have gave him my all. I know he is not the greatest, but I have feelings and I am constantly doing the best for him. I ONLY GIVE HIM THE BEST, from advice we share, the love we make even to clothes to food...this man depends on me basically. I am about to leave him but I hate to leave someone being called a heartbreak because that was never what I attended to do ever.
I just need to break loose from this unhealthy relationship, and I know he will be losing a woman who he knows gave it to him ALL!
And thank you alll who have responded! 3 xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Like another post already says, you don't mention love much. It's all about sex mainly and lust, attraction. But when a relationship settles, it's more about shared experience and compatability. Do you get bored when that initial phases wears off? You want to walk away, of course, leaving someone broken hearted. It sounds as if you set out to be everyman's dream, and actually enjoy being the total object of his desire, you sound very into yourself, frankly. Isn't that all a bit hollow?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): If you want to "stray away", chances are this is not the relationship for you. And definitely not for him either! You're still very young, so it's quite natural not to want to settle forever and ever (and be called "wifey") just yet.
We can't help who we fall in love with (or not), so if you don't feel the same as him - and decide to end the relationship - it doesn't make you a "heartbreaker".
However, stringing someone along is a different matter. That IS "heartbreaker" behaviour. I've been in a similar position to your boyfriend (i.e. with 'the one') and the thing that hurts now more than her breaking up was the fact that she'd never really been as "into me" as she claimed, but had just carried on becuase she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Now I resent her intensely for that betrayal. My advice: be honest with your feelings, and act on them appropriately. It's the right thing for both of you.
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A
male
reader, Fionnlagh  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 It happens. The emotion and intense feelings we have for someone slowly fades over time. Some people can see past this and hold on, but others just know it’s not them to do so, not at this time of their youth at least. I think you just need to be honest with each other about what you want out of a bf/gf relationship.
Some people are good at long distance and some people are good at short distance sprints. Nothing to feel ashamed about.
But yeah, I’m a guy and I’ve had this happen to me too, so maybe give him a little more closure than a clean goodbye it’s over.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (21 December 2010):
If you love him why would you leave him
It sounds that you both are having healthy
Relationship and I don't find any reason to break up with him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Exactly what are you asking? Confusing?????
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