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All the women on TV have great figures! I'm starting to feel like my boyfriend will be attracted to someone else...

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Question - (24 October 2005) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2007)
A female , anonymous writes:

I do suffer from insecurity and I guess low self-esteem and I try all the time to work on this.

What I do find so difficult is simply watching TV with my partner. Everytime we get a movie to watch, there are always women with fab figures, hardly clothed at all! There are never any men like that to even things up a bit. I get really really uncomfortable as it seems all the films are the same. It makes me feel as if I should look like them (the lovely influence of the media) and they are never representative of what us females do look like.

The problems is, every film is like that as if women do look like that. I know my partner would feel very uncomfortable if the films contained men showing their private parts, especially if they were big!

It makes me feel not good enough and I am going to a particular party soon where the girls there are very likely to be not wearing very much and my dress covers me well (all I could find). I am worried my boyfriend will get turned on by them and not me, despite his reassurances.

Please help!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

OMG! i have the same problem i am pissed because my boyfriend almost drools on his self when one of them come on in whatever we are watching and i could throw myself at him and he dont do lastnight i was flirting with him and we started watching a movie and a nicely shaped girl comes on with hardly any close and you know they were like getting ready to make love well he take her shirther pants came off too and what did we see there her ass naked and he wasnt and like you said even he was they wou off and wow there are boobs! i dont think his came off but ldnt show his bottom half never do and i though i was the only one that realized so i look at my boyfriend staring at the tv like he has not seen anything sexier well after that we came in the bedroom and started watching tv again i kiss him and everything and he pushs me away and says he is tired well he leaves the tv on because he make him "sleep" anyways the tv was on and we turn over and get ready to go to sleep and the word panties come and OMG! he bout broke his damn neck! i looked at him and just walked out and sleep in the living room this is really a problem to me and he thinks that i am just being childish or ridiculous

am i?...see this is why this makes me so upset i am 18 years old with an okay body but like any other normal person i have marks on me (stretch marks) them stars dont have one damn mark! bottom line is i am tired of seeing only females naked on tv make me and alot more other people very uncomfortable ..and for me personally relationship problems..but they should even it out or stop the whole nudity thing ...and i know this isnt an answer but if you would like you could e-mail me ([email address blocked]) if not thats fine bye bye

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005):

I can completely relate to how you feel. I've been struggling with the same problem and insecurities. My boyfriend has agreed that we won't watch anything with nudity, and if it does come up, we fast-forward. I've just recently began to feel more secure, and I really owe it all to my boyfriend. When we're together he constantly tells me how sexy I am, and compliments me on different parts of my body. He's reassured me so much, that I'm finally starting to believe that I am sexy. I would suggest sharing your insecurities with your partener, and telling him how much you need to hear how attractive you are to him. I bet you'll find out, as I did, that he's really not noticing those other women on t.v. as much as you are. No one is as beautiful to him, as you are, because your the one he loves. No competition!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005):

Please realize, your bf is with you because of who 'you are'. It's ikely he doesn't care about the people on TV and in the media. So when he reassures you, just smile and accept the wonderfully supportive things he says to you.

Having a loving, lifelong relationship has little to do with the symmetry of your body, but has instead is about the warmth and energy you project in your life. Being truly beautiful is about health, radiance, and the spark of life you show to the world. When you are interested in others and have hobbies and passions that you bring to relationships you show the true inner grace and beauty that actually causes a lovely glow in the face and beautifies all. By finding grace and joy in your life, and an interest in others, you will find love.

Look around you at everyday people. Go to the store, movies, concerts, everywhere and see that the world has a mix of ages and look at other couples, old and young. Are they all raving beauties? No, of course not, they are mostly, plain looking, every day people-just like most of us, so don't let this get to you. Be happy, hun!

Never let anybody or anything determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. Remember, you are a unique gift to this world. Never forget that. Best of luck.

Hugs, Irish

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005):

I completely agree with the above comment,it's true men will always look at other women even if he had the most gorgeous lady on his arm, but what you need to do is make your self feel confident and get your self esteem back.Work out if you feel your body isn't sexy.But mainly do it for yourself,dress sexy and be naturally sexy don't put on a act.If you see a sexy women then say yes she is sexy because that doesn't mean that you aren't!Believe me i'm in the same boat and i have been working put for a while and beleive me it does wonders for my confidence and my body well i can now look in a mirror and feel extremly sexy and i don't need a man to tell me anymore..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005):

Guys are more visual. Sure they would feel attracted to girls with nice bodies, etc. If it bothers you, do something about it. Start working on yourself so you can look pretty for him. If you make an effort to change it up, he should notice that. If you aren't continuing to make changes each day, eventually he will get bored seeing the same you with the same hair, the same clothes, the same look. Join a gym and exercise,lose weight, look better and feel better. Maybe that's all it would take. Your insecurity and low self esteem is only to increase and get worse, unless you make changes for yourself now. Don't bring the topic of your man's private part into this. It has nothing to do with what's happening. You are finding something to pick at which doesn't need to be addressed; as if to make him inadequate. Of course the media is never representative of what females look like because approximately 119 mil Americans (64.5%) are obese.

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