A
female
age
30-35,
*ydney22
writes:I am 22 years old and I have been single for 3 and a half years now after a 6 year, very intense, and emotionally unstable relationship. Since then i have been in only one other brief relationship, and then a "friends w/ benefits" situation where i actually fell really hard for the guy most of the rest of the 3 years. He was the one that never wanted anything more and was back and forth a lot between me and his ex but could never commit. i stayed around for so long agreeing to keep it casual in hope he would change. things recently did start to seem different and we have recently got a lot closer. he started sending me mix messages then all of a sudden he met someone and didnt even have the nerve to tell me himself. I guess my question is basically why am i so self destructive where i always put myself in bad situations or purposely push guys away when all i really want is to be in a relationship. Why cant i get past the pain of my first relationship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (25 August 2010):
Hi there. Maybe you don't have a lot of confidence in yourself at the moment.
You might think you are ready for a relationship but in fact might not be.
Get to know yourself first before getting serious with anyone. Take up some interests and hobbies, gain some independence and start feeling genuinely good about yourself. Make your life exciting and fun.
Also, you need to work out what you really want from a relationship in the first place. Accept only the best for yourself - you deserve the best, you need to believe that.
In answer to your very first question, first-time romances are usually pretty special and often hold a soft spot in your heart. This is normal really.
The only reason you feel you can't get over it at the moment, is because you are not in another really great relationship yet. You will move on from this feeling in time. But whatever you do, don't rush to get into another relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Rebound relationships very rarely work out well. It's better to be alone than in a bad relationship.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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