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*olmar's profile: I am a counselor. I have my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology an minor in physiology (I thought I wanted to go to medical school) but I needed the money and stopped and worked). I worked originally as a diabetic education counselor because I have a medical background, I minored in physiology, then I came across a company that was looking for a counselor to work on their own doing domestic violence counseling. I did a lot of on the job training in groups and individually for counseling both the victim's and the perpetrator's, trained at the women's shelter for 30 hours, gaining general knowledge about abuse, and then started on my own, and was my own boss. I ran anger management groups as well as domestic violence classes for victims and perpetrators and sent recommendations for treatment and followup to the court systems. Now I have found the job that I truly love. I work on a psychiatric unit in a hospital. We also do detox. While working there, we really get a little bit of everything. People come in who are suicidal, have been raped, getting over relationships, psychotic, detoxing, anything you can think of, we deal with. And I love it. I love making a difference in people's lives and the drama and excitement make it so that it's never boring. I love the people I work with. I couldn't ask for anything more. I can't say where I live. My relationship status is unknown, seriously. I am going through what many of you are on here. My fiance decided a month before the wedding that he didn't want to be married. We were going to pre marriage counseling at the church and he had just said, how excited he was to marry me. Then the next day, he spent all of our wedding money to pay off his old credit cards (we couldn't get them back, and he couldn't use the cards, it had been to long since he paid), so I took my own money and scheduled the honeymoon anyway. He told me to go ahead, then when he found out I did it (and I was really happy to go to Hawaii), he broke up with me. I was completely humiliated and blown away. I felt like he should have told me, about everything. I KNOW he should have. Instead I was humiliated, people thought we were getting married, and so hurt that I cried about 5 days non stop, missed work, and got my first warning at work for absences. I told my supervisor that "I was upset and that I told my fiance that we were done because I wouldn't let him come before my job and ruin something that love". Which is also true. I told him that during one of those weak moments I had when I called and cried...the same things I have told others on here not to do...but I am human, and I did. Now I am getting better. I do take a sleeping pill as soon as I start to get close to bed time so that I can "zonk out before my head hits the pillow" and "not think about it, cause that's when it's the worst". Now he wants me back. I don't think I want him back, but it still hurts a lot and it's too much drama. He wanted me to go somewhere with him and his kids this weekend (my kids were with their dad). I said no. He didn't believe me! I said, I am serious, I am not coming. He said, "Grab your bathing suit, make sure you shave..lol". I just thought, "how arrogant". He expects that I will be at his beck and call. Well, no more. And I didn't go :). He texted a lot this morning but I ignored it. Ok, different subject, I have 3 wonderful kids, one is 19, a girl, a boy 16, and another girl 15. I am 36. Ya, I had them young. They are great. They gave me love when I needed it, although I would never recommend that to a teenager, I would say go to college, then think about marriage, but they have been the one contant in my life. I got married to the father of my second two, and he has always acted as dad for my first one since she was 9 months old. We ended up divorced. I was a really messed up kid back then. It's taken me a lot to get where I am now. I wish I handled it differently and knew now what I didn't know then. When I had my daughter at 17 I had dropped out of school and her father said she wasn't his. but he was. He never denied it on the birth certificate though, she looked just like him. But before I was pregnant with her, I was already dropped out. My mom wasn't really part of my life, wasn't the nicest but I don't want to get into that, and my father just didn't want me home because of his new wife. SO, I went and lived with my boyfriend. Rode the bus to school, took off, and rode the bus home to his house (he was older and had his own place). Then I just stayed there. Nobody came and got me. I was 15. So, ya, by the time I was pregnant at 16, I had dropped out of school. I had my daughter at 17 and she was beautiful. Her dad wasn't around. But I loved her so much, and I KNEW she loved me. I wanted to be a good example, so I went to school to be a nurse. I took the two years pre requisites and got into the nursing program, and found out my boyfriend at that time had been having an affair with a man. I kind of lost it, threw a phone at him, he called the police and I was charged with domestic violence. Nobody told me not to plead guilty at the time and that I could have gotten diversion, and I thought, well, I did it so I'm guilty. It was in the newspaper. I had to quit nursing because you can't have that on your record. I was 22. So, I took my classes (oh, and I earned my HS diploma through all my college classes), and I went on for an AA transfer degree in psychology because that was really the only thing that my classes still worked for. I finished my AA, transferred to a 4 yr and got my BS in psychology w/minor in physiology. I wanted to go on to medical school, medicine was my first love and I was always interested in it, but I stupidly listened to my mom who said "Your lazy, you just don't want to work" and my dad who said "You need a job, the minute mart is hiring", and I decided not to go on to prove them all wrong. My closest friends went on and they are now Psy.D's which are doctor's of psychology. I wish I would have too, but I am tired and older now, plus I have multiple sclerosis, which kind of slows me down sometimes, so I just don't have the energy to raise 2 teenagers that are still at home and work full time to support us and go to school full time. Plus have a house and too many bills. Anyway, then you go back to the top. I DIDN"T work at a minute mart! I temporarily went back to the sawmill though, til I got the job as diabetic education counselor and went from there. Since then my mother has died, and my dad has a new wife as wacky as the old one, who doesn't know me but comes in my house when I am gone rummages through my pills looking for narcotics (which I don't take by the way even though I could), and talks terrible things bout me (I just need to let it go, and I have, but the part that bother's me is, for once in my life, I just wish my dad would stand up for me. His previous wife accused him of sleeping with me...so incredibly sick...and instead of booting her on her butt, he made me leave and live with my grandmother), anyway, then she got into my car at a different time and found a warning ticket. I received the warning for going 73 in a 65, but the thing is, I wasn't from there, and the speed limit sign had dropped, so he just gave me a warning. Well, this happened at mile post 118, so she found that in my glove box and told everyone I was speeding and got in trouble for going 118 mph. I have talked to my dad, to no avail. Finally I said, I always wanted a mother, and my mom wasn't all that great, so it really hurts me that she would do this and that I didn't understand. He said he "would talk to her". Her response was, yes, she went through my cupboards, and my car, and has talked bad about me but nothing that she didn't believe was true. (she doesn't know me, and I stay away from her), and that yes, she did it, but she doesn't see anything wrong with it, and that was it. SO, I told my dad, I love you, but I can't see her or go to the family functions. But I still want to see you. Well, turns out, he told my daughter "Holly needs to understand that I am not going to pick her over my wife, so I am not going to be going to her house either if she can't". Then I told my daughter, just don't tell me, I don't want to know anything more. SO, after that, she found out from my daughter that my ex husband (the one that has been her dad since she was 3 months old) had put her on his insurance for the last 18 years as his daughter, because her real father gave her no insurance. So, she called the insurance company and reported it. Now my 19 year old daughter has no insurance and he is in trouble for having her on his insurance as his daughter for the last 18 years, when he was just trying to provide for her because her real dad wouldn't. All because of my step mom, and my ex husband was getting notices with questions, so he called and begged her not do that, and she loved it. She did it anyway. Now my daughter has no insurance and I am supposed to put her on mine. I feel like she should pay the difference since she did this, and my daughter is living with her (theyoffered to buy her a really nice car that I couldn't afford as well as some other things)but my daughter got mad at me instead, saying grandma will never do that, you know that, so I said I would do it. I still feel she should be paying for the difference or paying for the insurance herself since my daughter for some reason wants to live there. I love my daughter very much, but I see her attitude changing toward me now, she makes comments that make me feel like a failure. And she is "not allowed to drive the car to my house because it could get stolen". Well, I live in a nicer neighborhood then they do! Nothing has ever been stolen here. But it's just her way of keeping her away from me. I notice the change in attitude toward me, and to keep peace, ya, I offered to put her on my insurance, even though her grandma should be paying but wont and she messed it up, and my ex, trying to be a good man, is now responsible thanks to her for 18 years of her medical payments. There are some people that just aren't worth being on this earth and she is one of them. Her own daughter, about my age, hasn't talked to her in 20 years. I know why. All I ever wish really is that just one time my dad would stick up for me, but he never has and he never will. Its like that saying, no matter how much you want your pit bull to be a poodle, it's always going to be a pit bull. You can't change who someone is, and I can't change my dad. Truthfully, though, I am a good person. I am a great counselor cause I have been through a lot myself, I am smart, caring, I love my kids and they love me, I try really hard despite being not feeling the greatest sometimes, and I AM lucky. I have had MS for 7 years, with no lingering effects as of yet, you can't tell, other than I can. I get really tired. At first though, I couldn't move my left arm and when I looked down I get these terrible shocks. Anwyay, I support myself and my children, and I even sponsor a child. Oh, and not least, I go to church and believe in God. Someday, when my youngest is out of the house, I want to go on a mission trip to help others who are in need. So, that's some information about me, but I keep going. And, truthfully, other than right now in the middle of this breakup and I am sad and miss him, I do really well. I can't change other people, I can't turn my dad into something he's not, I am not going to punish my daughter and not get her insurance because her grandmother is very insecure and jealous, and I am NOT going to get back with my ex until he says he is seriously sorry and makes up to me some of the things he has done. If he doesn't, then I will be fine. I have God, my job, my family, and unfortunately, I need to get some friends instead of just work friends, so i need to start doing that. And I am proud of my oldest daughter too, she is a singer and guitar player like me, she is on youtube as nikitanoel90 if you want to see her play and sing, and my 15 yr old daughter is the best athlete at her school -I can brag, nobody really knows who I am, and she is so pretty and she is the only one who is in 9th grade and playing on the varsity basketball team, and she is very smart. She is going into 10th, and I think she is starter point guard this year. Even right now she is like 3 hours away at a basktball car wash and bbq because she plays on our team and a big city team and goes all that way with some other people to play with those girls. My son, he is the artistic and sensitive one. He is a genius, seriously, but he got that more from his dad then me, I am smart, his father is extremely smart, and he says he is going to make it big. He gets straight A's without even trying, but he is kind of a rebel. He is 16 and doesn't feel that parents know anything..you know the age. I just hope he can not get into any more trouble so he can be the success he has the potential to be. And of course, he's 1/2 asian, and jewish from me, so he definately likes money..lol. The 15 and 16 year olds are my little jewbodians. Now, you want to know what makes me tick, God, family, helping others, and to figure out how to have a good relationship. I expect others to be perfect I think, and they aren't. I am a counselor, I give great advice, but I am human too, and it's harder to see what I need to do when I am the one who is in the middle of it-that's why we need counselors! That's why even counselors need counselors! I never had a good role model for how a relationship is supposed to be. How much do you let go as being human? What do you complain about and what do you let go? I know the basic ones, fidelity, morality, don't kill your spouse! but I am foggy about the intricasies, that area of gray that's in between and sometimes I think I will be able to figure out and will never have a relationship that works, and I want one. I don't want to be like my mom who was married 4 times and none of them worked, and I don't want to be like my dad who has been married 3 times to crazy evil women, unfortunately one being my mother, I want a successful relationship. I think I am always thinking if they don't do what i want then they don't love me maybe? But then again, I have had some serious let downs that were pretty obvious. I don't know. I know I never felt any love growing up. It really is worse than what I said, but wont get into it. I want to have a successful relationship. Then I think too that I try to have successful relationships with some who really just "aren't the one". I put up with a lot in this last relationship that I shouldn't have, but then he always would say, he loved me, wants to marry me-but when it came down to it...NO, but he was always willing to go to counseling. But he slept all time, then when he wouldnt sleep, cause he slept all day, he would say it was my fault cause I kept him awake. I didn't. I was quiet when he slept. It was NOT my fault. I tried tucking him in at 9 to prove a point to the counselor. At 12 he was still laying there with his eyes open watching tv, so finally, it was about 11, I had started talking to him, we talked then I left and played on the computer. He went in and laid down in the bedroom. THen he told the counselor again that I kept him up all night! I was totally baffled. I said, I didn't. He is so friggin charming that the counselor believed him. Then I want to switch counselor's and he says, you just don't like what he says. YEs, I like what he says in general, about communication and teaching methods, but I don't like it when I tell him my point of view which is correct and he flat out doesn't believe me. I get so frustrated I leave there feeling worse. But my ex-fiance was one of those people who was "oh so charming in counseling" and then "I would get frustrated cause he would lie" and I would "look like it was me who was the one always upset", and he was very nice looking, so he could charm people, and he did. Then we would get back home, and he would completely change. We would make agreements IN THE COUNSELOR"S OFFICE WITH THE COUNSELOR, and when we got hom and the situation came up, he wouldn't follow through on them, or make amends when he didn't follow through like he was supposed too. Then we would go back the following week and the counselor actually said "well, Holly, we can't expect people to be honest all the time"! OMG. I stated "those were the same agreements we made last week in your office, and he said, well, we all cannot do everything the way you would like them done" Your not supposed to say that. My ex just loved it, you could see the twinkle in his eye, and I know inside he was gloating. Then he got worse after this reinforcement. The thing I was talking about were the agreements we made in HIS office, that we both signed and agreed that we would stick to until the next session...now that's the kind of thing I got. I felt like it was gang up on Holly day every time I went in there and that was wrong. I have been to counselor's. I am one. I know what's right and wrong and that whole thing was wrong. And I never had that happen with other counselors just him. So, that's my life. I really just want a good one. And I don't expect someone to do everything I say. The things I am taling about are "saying he's taking my kids to getme a present for christmas, I take his and he doesn't do it, calling up an ex and saying he cares about her more than me (I should hve left right then), then we still got back together and Valentines day came. I spent the whole day preparing. He slept and said he missed the alarm, and when he was halfway here, he said, I wanted to let you know I forgot the card (I though, why tell me this, stop and get one), saying he wanted to marry me before, then backing out-this was the 2nd time, making promise after promise and not keeping a single one, then not only not keeping them, but trying to turn it around and blame it on me (likethe sleep thing), etc. And me, saying, please, just keep your word to me, if you can't or don't want to, then just tell me. Oh, and the wedding thing, me basically begging him,,,please dont back out this time, just tell me if this isn't what you want-please. If you ruin this, the happiest day in my life I won't forgive you. Please don't do that this time....and you know what, he did. And somehow, it was MYfault. I DONT think so. The end...tired of writing.

Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?

Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?

Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?

Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?

Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?

Should I have a relationship with the boy I have been raising even though he is another man's son?

Should I have a relationship with the boy I have been raising even though he is another man's son?

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