Why are some people secretive in relationships?
Q. Why are people secretive in relationships? I think I know some of the answers. I have just come out of a roller coaster ride with a partner who was ridiculously secretive, preventing me from meeting a single person she knew, while I had introduced ...
A. 2 September 2010: Hello anonymous: I think anyone who hides behind this kind of secrecy has a hidden agenda. I agree it was not a "relationship" which is why I ended it. If she was "sick" of being judged then maybe there was a sound reason for being so. People are ... (read in full...)
B/f a complete stranger now! Is he cheating on me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a few days. Before we went out I had just gotten out of a nasty relationship about 1 1/2 months before, maybe a bit longer. He used to text me every night 'I love you sweet dreams!" and cute ...
A. 28 July 2010: This man is using you and has an agenda. If he is that keen on sex but withholding affection in public this is a big red flag. He is exploiting you for sex only and then distancing himself.
His initial overtures and charm were just a front to... (read in full...)
Why is this happening to me? I am very pretty, successful, smart - what am I doing wrong?
Q. I was married for 13 years to a man 17 years older than me - we have 3 children together. Few months ago I found out that he was having affairs with multiple women and filed for divorce. Shortly after that, I met a man, in his 50-s and started ...
A. 28 July 2010: If you are so successful, and smart, then you should be smart enough to know that instantly hooking up with one person and expecting instant magic is a little premature. Why not stay by yourself for a while, assess the past and reflect on the ... (read in full...)
I lied and told her I was involved when I'm not but I don't want her to hurt me again!
Q. I just need a reality check here, to make sure I'm not being an idiot. A year ago I started an affair with a woman. We were both married at the time. Shortly after we met, my wife and I decided to separate, and I kept seeing this other woman. She...
A. 28 July 2010: This woman is manipulating you. You did the right thing and separated from your wife. She is not doing the right thing because she appears to be saying she won't risk being alone and is hedging her bets, making it your responsibility whether she ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is secretive and stops me meeting her family
Q. I recently split up with a girfriend who is middle aged, divorced and has two grown up children. She had a 20 year marriage after which she seems to have had numerous brief affairs. We met and got on very well, including sex. But after a while I ...
A. 27 July 2010: Thanks CaringGuy. I think you are right - she's not going to change. This is an object lesson to others. If you get sucked into a relationship which has a secrecy element, it's a red flag. Sooner or later the secrecy will be found to hide an agenda ... (read in full...)
Husband never says I love you after we have sex
Q. Hello, I am really upset with my husband, because after we have sex, I always tell him I love him, and he refuses to say it back (he does tell me he loves me at other times). I explained to him that its really important to me to hear it, and tha...
A. 26 July 2010: It is not evident that you "love" someone just because you had sex with them.....you just had sex. Your partner is either too shy to risk his own vulnerability by saying "I love you", or he doesn't love you and is avoiding saying it.
Eithe... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's reason for breaking up doesn't make sense!
Q. My girlfriend recently dumped me but I can't seem to understand why. Her reason was that when she was with me she was happy but when she was not she was really down. This seems really strange and sounds like she is not giving me an honest reason why ...
A. 26 July 2010: This girl is playing with your feelings. To say she loved your company and then say she was depressed when not seeing you as a reason for dumping you is a manipulative and self contradictory statement clearly designed to produce exactly what you are ... (read in full...)
Does she like me or not?
Q. Ok I'm 22 was in a four year relationship and broke it off due to trust issues in past. Well I started talking to this girl I known for about 4 years I told her I liked her and she said she did too. we have been talking for 2 months and I really ...
A. 26 July 2010: I think she is hedging her bets and keeping you on a string. If she was really interested she would have said so without being vague. She IS being vague and not straightforward. If she is like this at an early stage, imagine what she is going to be ... (read in full...)
How to move on when badly hurt?
Q. Help! Since my boyfriend ended things suddenly three months ago I am getting more angry and depressed as time goes on, rather than feeling any better. I can look back now and see that he was insincere and didn't love me like he said he did. He ...
A. 26 July 2010: Your anger and hurt is justified. You should not feel you are sorry. Provided it doesn't get out of hand, anger is a good stage to go through. It might even help to make a mental list of all the things you didn't like about him, or any other ... (read in full...)
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