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| | Friend Tom's profile:Hello, to anyone interested. Friend Tom is male, very straight, approaching middle age, very involved romantically at present, though hardly for the first time. His relationships have been relatively few, but long. He does not regret those that have not lasted. They were very meaningful ones. He had hoped that they would last. He very much admires those relationships that do last. He does envy them. He is university educated, primarily biological sciences, but has done much graduate work in humanities, such as psychology. He has also been an educator, though now works in private industry. He is very people oriented. He also loves nature and the outdoors. He needs to get out "amongst it" often in order to stay balanced. He is a "Yank", born and raised in the USA, but has traveled widely. He is Scottish and English by ancestry. He lives now in the Midwest of the USA, where he grew up. He considers himself 'spiritual' rather than 'religious', though he has his religious beliefs. He hopes any responses he offers to questions will be helpful but does not pretend to be an expert on any and all problems or areas. That's about it. Need more? (lol) |
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Are there any theories about why a hangover would make a guy horny?
Q. Whenever he's hungover, my boyfriend of 3 years gets incredibly horny. I'm not complaining about this - he's very sensitive about me saying no if I'm hungover myself and if I'm in the mood and we're not busy I get 3 or 4 rounds of great sex out of ...
A. 9 January 2009: Well, girly69, I do not recommend getting "pissed" often just for this one small benefit..which may not always occur...(lol).... (read in full...)
Are there any theories about why a hangover would make a guy horny?
Q. Whenever he's hungover, my boyfriend of 3 years gets incredibly horny. I'm not complaining about this - he's very sensitive about me saying no if I'm hungover myself and if I'm in the mood and we're not busy I get 3 or 4 rounds of great sex out of ...
A. 9 January 2009: As a matter of fact, anon, it has been noted and commented on. It would seem that "morning after horniness" is a common occurrence, especially with younger men. I have heard several theories,...all of which may be involved. For one thing, ... (read in full...)
Big Social Complex: is there any hope for me?
Q. Ok so here it is. I am 19 and I hav a big problem. I have a very big social complex. I have been to everything from therapists to the Bible. I have even been recently saved about three weeks ago, because the pastor says that it may be a fight for my ...
A. 31 December 2008: komplex, you say have had therapy and it has not helped. I cannot add much, probably. This is not an uncommon problem. Many people have "social complexes". It mostly comes from a feeling of inadequacy and feeling that others are judging you for ... (read in full...)
Normal behavior for straight guys?
Q. Is it normal to wank with your bestfriends, touchin each other penises but no suckin or fucking because were all straight guys... Do straight guys do this to?...
A. 29 December 2008: At your age, no. If you are straight, as you say, grow up and get yourself a girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
They say I'm hot but I still feel insecure
Q. I am 19 years old, about 5'6", I weigh (roughly) around 110 pounds, and I have a size 32D bust. I went from being that "ugly girl" to a "hot girl" (I was teased A LOT as a kid because of my teeth and how long it took me to develop). Here's my prob...
A. 29 December 2008: iAshee, you are still in the "adolescent panic" stage. Get out of it. Go with who you are, not what you perceived yourself or were perceived to be as a child. "Beautiful" is a very dashy word. It does not mean the same to everyone. There are many ... (read in full...)
I am fed up of my weird boyfriend!
Q. I am very fed of of my boyfriend because of the way he shows his love. Whenever it's convenient to him or he's in a good mood, he'd expect me to be nice to him, otherwise if he is tired and busy, he wouldn't even remember that I exist. I love him ...
A. 25 December 2008: mitnid88. I think you are just learning how men's emotions work. When he is busy and maybe frustrated with something, a car that won't start, or any kind of problem at work, he may be "crabby" and not very "loving" at times. That does not mean he ... (read in full...)
I just need some advice to be able to get her to do a little bit more than make out.
Q. Hey, I am 15 years old about to turn 16 and I am dating a girl that is about 5 months older than me. We have been dating coming up on three months. Typically I guess you could say I'm the kind of guy that does like to do things sexually, but my ...
A. 25 December 2008: GCFL, do not ever try to push a girl to do anything she feels uncomfortable with. If you really care for her, you won't do this. Remember, if she would do it with you, she would do it with anybody. You should respect her feelings. You could be ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to work out if I should be worried or if my insecurities are shining through.
Q. I'm trying to work out if I should be worried or if my insecurities are shining through. My new girl that I have known for 5 months and been going out with for 6 weeks met my friends today and we all had a nice time. Problem is, she spent the wh...
A. 18 December 2008: This can always happen, anon, when groups get together. She may have just been trying to "fit in" with your friends to please you. She may have thought the guy was a closer friend than he is. I would not be overly concerned. You are very early ... (read in full...)
Was I too young, was I actually raped?
Q. Well..during the summer this past summer I lost my virginity to who is now my ex boyfriend..But I was only 14 and I wanted to know if that was a little to early...Also my other thing is..I never told him I was ready and i never told him to ...
A. 8 December 2008: How old is the "boy"? If he was eighteen or older at the time and you were fourteen, it is "statutory rape", even if you consented. If he was under eighteen, and you did not protest, you would not be able to say you were raped in court. This is ... (read in full...)
Pressurised for sex, how can I avoid ejaculating very fast?
Q. im getting pressured to have sex at my age and im afraid that i might cum right off the bat as soon as it starts. is there any way to help me not cum so quick?...
A. 8 December 2008: Pressured by whom, Anon? If you are being pressured by "friends", forget it. They have no right to tell you when or not to have sex. Are you in a relationship?..girl friend? Is she pressuring you? Well, you need to think carefully. It is ... (read in full...)
What exactly is "friends with benefits", please?
Q. Hi. What exactly is friends with benefits? All sounds a bit immature to me! Is this a normal sexual relationship based on denial so that no-one gets 'hurt'? Many thanks....
A. 6 December 2008: I have been involved in one...or two...some years ago. It just does not work for me. I am one of those strange people for whom sex must involve a deep emotional feeling..and yes,..commitment. It is just too intense an emotional experience for me. ... (read in full...)
I'm getting to the point where I just want to run away from this small town.
Q. im getting to the point where i just want to run away from this small town! ive been suffering from depression for quite a few years but i only started counselling a few months ago. my friends are treating me like shit lately. they use me for ...
A. 6 December 2008: Oh, kasey.xo, I do understand, even though I am a guy. I had a lot of the same problems when I was in jr. high. My parents were very interested in how I did in school and I did my best. I had a lot of "friends" from way back who expected me to ... (read in full...)
What song should I do for my audition and do you have any tips?
Q. well, this is one of those questions that isnt really a relationship question.. but i do need help. well anyways.. in a few weeks, i plan to audition for our school musical. im only in jr high, ninth grade.. and this is my first year being invol...
A. 6 December 2008: This may sound like something from the middle ages to you, hon, but take a look at "Tomorrow", from the musical, "Annie". She sang it and she did not have a "high note" voice, either. But the song does not require high notes. ... (read in full...)
29, never kissed and I'm scared at the thought, too!
Q. i am 29 yaers old and i never ever kissed a guy in whole life nevr even once i don,t know ow and partly scared of it too.how do people french kiss ...
A. 6 December 2008: Anon, honey, men are not crocodiles. Don't expect they are going to "French" you on the first date. You can indicate how you would like to be kissed..or not. I don't know when "tongue kissing" got to be the standard kiss. It was not in my younger ... (read in full...)
Will my broken heart even be mended and will I ever find anyone?
Q. Hi, I was once at the peek of my life, had friends, had a GF who i loved and respected. life was great until 1 day my ex turns round to me and tells me that she never really loved me and the only reason she ever went out with me was because ...
A. 6 December 2008: Ok, Nox, you got the ball,...now run with it. And never forget,..YOU DA MAN!... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my singing teacher, but shes married and alot older then me.
Q. I'm 16 and quite a shy boy, I always have been and have a very close knit group of friends. I also attend singing lessons and have done for close to 5 years now, and over the years I've built a strong friendship with my teacher who is female bu...
A. 6 December 2008: I had a tremendous crush on my English teacher in my sophomore year, Anon. She was a lot younger than your crush...she was in her thirties...also married. I am sure she knew, but I also knew I could never be more than a worhipper from afar. I ... (read in full...)
Do girls remember emotional moments longer then guys?
Q. hello...i read the other day that girls are more emotional then guys...well, i know this to be a fact, but do they tend to keep emotional moments in their minds alot more then guys do? For example say i got my girlfriend a gift to make her happ...
A. 6 December 2008: (smile) And I am sure I will be DR'd for that one. But, I have been an "Uncle" for a long, long time here...and I have reached the point where I have decided to give the most honest answers I have, regardless of how "popular" they are. I won't make ... (read in full...)
I think I love my teacher! But I don't even think he's good-looking!!
Q. i have been feeling like this for about 2 months now, so i know its not a 5 minute fling or whatever. but i think i have feelings for my english teacher! i get so excited for my english lessons and i must admit i do show of quite alot, just for him ...
A. 6 December 2008: Get over it, laurenxxx, you are in a fantasy world. I was a teacher for several years. I was single when I first began teaching. Believe me, it is an annoyance when girls your age get fixations on men teachers. They don't want to be cruel or ... (read in full...)
Do girls remember emotional moments longer then guys?
Q. hello...i read the other day that girls are more emotional then guys...well, i know this to be a fact, but do they tend to keep emotional moments in their minds alot more then guys do? For example say i got my girlfriend a gift to make her happ...
A. 6 December 2008: It is really a cultural scam, anon. (wink) Women are more "verbally communicative" than men. They are not more romantic. Most of a man's attractiveness to a woman are because of what he can give them, or his potential for giving them. "Gift ... (read in full...)
What do guys think about female happy trails?
Q. Do men care if a girl has a female happy trail (stomach hairline from belly button to pubes)?...
A. 6 December 2008: A reader, anonymous, Your boyfriend is infantile. A woman's natural body hair is very sexy and only very insecure and uptight men are put off by it. Do you plan on spending the rest of your life shaving body hair to keep from scaring off baby ... (read in full...)
I feel awkward since I caught him masturbating - how will this affect us?
Q. Yesterday I caught my boyfriend masturbating. I know its normal and im not "jealous" like some people on here have been. I just think that its something that should be kept private (i know some people like to share it, its a matter of person...
A. 6 December 2008: Well, ahh...duhh! He probably thought he was being private...What did you do, walk into his room unannounced? And who are you kidding, hon? You do it too.... (read in full...)
Sexy thoughts are keeping me from my studies!
Q. I always have a difficulty when I study. I have sex feelings, which disturb me during my studies. What can I do?...
A. 6 December 2008: Well, Auntie Bugs, I don't think it matters that he is Indian. His "problem" is universal. And boys don't have to watch porn or look at at "dirty" magazines to have sexual thoughts often. You are female, which I am not disparaging, but you really ... (read in full...)
Sexy thoughts are keeping me from my studies!
Q. I always have a difficulty when I study. I have sex feelings, which disturb me during my studies. What can I do?...
A. 1 December 2008: This is a joke, right? You are old enough not to have to ask help with this. ... (read in full...)
What do guys think about female happy trails?
Q. Do men care if a girl has a female happy trail (stomach hairline from belly button to pubes)?...
A. 1 December 2008: What can I say?...It never bothered me....But, I am not into the "prepubescent" look in women anyway. Maybe some men are. Difficult to say why. I will surprise you a little more, maybe, and say that I am not turned off by hair under the arms, ... (read in full...)
Will my broken heart even be mended and will I ever find anyone?
Q. Hi, I was once at the peek of my life, had friends, had a GF who i loved and respected. life was great until 1 day my ex turns round to me and tells me that she never really loved me and the only reason she ever went out with me was because ...
A. 1 December 2008: I feel for your problem, Noxxus, but you can't go on like this. So, you got dealt a dirty deal. It happens to us all. You were played for a fool. This also happens to most of us at some time or other. You say "women" just don't like you. What ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend insulted my colored hair!
Q. I am very angry and upset with my boyfriend. We were out with some friends of his at a bar. They commented on my colored hair. I dyed it black. My original hair is dark brown almost black. My boyfriend said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnel...
A. 30 November 2008: Well, seems like I got a lot of negative hits for my comment. (We can tell). I am not sure why... I did not say he was right in saying what he did in front of friends. But, again, did you ask him what he thought of your dyeing your hair before you ... (read in full...)
I am having major anxiety over this situation with a senior!
Q. Dear readers: I am in alot of stress and anxiety over this senior thats has a huge crush on me, he would get red infront of me he would waite till i would look at him, sometimes i would look at him and smile, other times i would just not look at ...
A. 30 November 2008: Ha! Well, it seems I got dissed a lot for my answer. I am not sure why. Froshes have a lot of problems from some
"upperclassmen". I remember well. I was just giving an way some can fight back. This guy would be ridiculed by all the seni... (read in full...)
We're only friends, but I'm upset because he had sex with another girl!
Q. Hey guys i need some help or advice. The thing is this i have a friend who is a guy and we've known each other for 4yrs. At 1st i liked him and he liked me but nothing happened so we've decided to be best friends. I might stil have feelings for him ...
A. 30 November 2008: Anon19, you say you are not bf and gf in any real sense of the term. Just friends. That being the case, what he does is really his business. If you are upset with him, it is because of something you may feel that you have never said. You may ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend insulted my colored hair!
Q. I am very angry and upset with my boyfriend. We were out with some friends of his at a bar. They commented on my colored hair. I dyed it black. My original hair is dark brown almost black. My boyfriend said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnel...
A. 29 November 2008: Well, I don't think he meant to put you down, hon. I guess it might depend on what you think of Rosie....(smile)...Did you ask his opinion before you dyed your hair? You might should have. I think he like it like it was. ... (read in full...)
I am having major anxiety over this situation with a senior!
Q. Dear readers: I am in alot of stress and anxiety over this senior thats has a huge crush on me, he would get red infront of me he would waite till i would look at him, sometimes i would look at him and smile, other times i would just not look at ...
A. 28 November 2008: He is a dork, getright11. He may have "cute looks", but what he said makes him a lowlife. I would not hesitate to tell all my friends that you know what he is. And let him and his "friends" know that you know. They probably do anyway. Tell you ... (read in full...)
After 6 years his wife still won't sign the divorce papers. Wouldn't it be better for her to let it go ?
Q. I really need some advice... I feel like my boyfriend is pulling away. we've been seeing each other for almost a year and things are wonderful when we're together. Currently we live 3 hrs apart, but we talk daily! The problem is his wife! They are ...
A. 28 November 2008: Well, he still has three more years of child support till the fifteen year-old becomes eighteen. But, it does not end there, as all parents know. He probably knows what he is facing. I don't know his financial status, but I can imagine that is a ... (read in full...)
I caught mydaughter masturbating with a balloon, is this some kind of fetish?
Q. I caught my 11 yo daughter masturbating with a balloon. I don't know what to do. STOP! Before I get a lot of hatful, prude comments, it's not that my daughter is masturbating. That is normal. No problem there. Should I stop her masturbating ...
A. 28 November 2008: A balloon? (smile) Sorry, not trying to be crass...but I think you should be more relieved than anxious. There are many worse things she could be doing. I concur with the others. It is normal and you should not make her feel guilty. I am ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is overprotective of his phone but checks mine non-stop!
Q. Something isnt right. My bf (who is 19 and so am i) of 2 months seems overly protective of his phone considering how he goes through my phone non stop and always has to know who im calling/texting etc. When he gets a message, if I ask him casual...
A. 28 November 2008: He has a "secretive side" and is yet expecting you to be completely open with him. Not good, hon. Re-examine your relationship. I think he has problems. Let him know your life is not open for his inspection anymore than his is for you. He is not ... (read in full...)
Can you still have sex and get access to her clitoris if her legs do not part very wide?
Q. Can you still have sex and get access to her clitoris if her legs do not part very wide?...
A. 28 November 2008: No. I would say she is still very uncomfortable about having real intercourse. You need to talk.... (read in full...)
Is my relationship over? Loving someone and to love someone...
Q. I have been with my gf for 5 years now, we are engaged and I feel as though our spark has gone. I love her more then anything else in the world and she is "in Love" with me. I don't think I'm in love with her any more, I take her for granted, don't ...
A. 27 November 2008: Anon, I am guessing that you knew each other since high school...that is, since you were teenagers. That is a time of great emotional drive and intense feelings. Why nature does this to us is complex. It was designed for a different time, when ... (read in full...)
How can I have a close relationship with people?
Q. I need help! I always tend to expect too much from people i love and who might not even love me. I expect them to love me back the way i want to and it kills me when i get the feeling that they dont love me(not romantic relationship). It feels like ...
A. 27 November 2008: You may be trying too hard to be loved, anon. You cannot "force" emotions on people. As you said, you can push people away by trying to be too close too soon. Friendship, real caring friendship, which is what I think you mean, takes time to ... (read in full...)
Should I pursue it?
Q. My husband of two years and I seperated in September mainly because the marriage was abusive, but also because he decided he was having a midlife crisis (at age 24!!) and couldn't decide if he wanted to be married any more. Since we have been apa...
A. 27 November 2008: It is always worth at least one try. Maybe he has done some serious thinking. You will probably keep wondering if you don't go and hear what he has to say. I think he has a maturity problem more than anything else. But why not give it a shot? ... (read in full...)
Is this lust more than love?
Q. I've been with my bf foor 8-9 months now and we had sex in the 7th month of our relationship, I'm 19 and he's 23. Yes it was great and he said it was worth the wait. Now the thing is, ever since we slept together he seems to be full of lust rat...
A. 25 November 2008: (smile) Twice in a month is hardly "ravenous lust", hon. Believe me, I know. I think he is just happy with the new intimacy. He sees it as a stronger bond between you. Are you uncomfortable with sex now? If that is the case, you should say so. ... (read in full...)
He asked me to dump my BF and get with him and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hey x , I have a problem, well it started like this... my bf was off school for a week due to a bad cold however during this week one of his friends started txten me again sayin he likes me blah blah blah... but as i got talking to him over the week ...
A. 25 November 2008: Well, first off, sweetiepie, the boy who has been texting you is not much of a friend to your bf. Trying to steal a "friend's" girl when he is sick at home and bummed out? Come on! Is that a quality you would like in anyone? What if it was you ... (read in full...)
After 6 years his wife still won't sign the divorce papers. Wouldn't it be better for her to let it go ?
Q. I really need some advice... I feel like my boyfriend is pulling away. we've been seeing each other for almost a year and things are wonderful when we're together. Currently we live 3 hrs apart, but we talk daily! The problem is his wife! They are ...
A. 25 November 2008: 216004, I am tempted to call this a bogus question; something like those who say, "I haven't had a period in four months and I have this big swollen tummy...Could I be pregnant?" Your scenario is a little strange. With the activities you describe ... (read in full...)
What exactly is "friends with benefits", please?
Q. Hi. What exactly is friends with benefits? All sounds a bit immature to me! Is this a normal sexual relationship based on denial so that no-one gets 'hurt'? Many thanks....
A. 25 November 2008: I don't know where it originated either, Phil. I have heard it for a few years. And yes, it is just sex without commitment... but with someone you have known for a time as opposed to a one-night stand with a stranger. I suppose some people can ... (read in full...)
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