A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Would guys still be with a girl waiting until marriage to have sex, but she'll do oral every day? And I know guys like to do oral back too, so I'd receive also. I'm not shy about my body, I just want to have sex with someone who will mean something to me. I've tried asking this girl, but lots of guys do seem to really want sex fast...but what if I do it, and our relationship ends really fast?! I don't want to be forgotten by anyone. Otherwise, I like having short term relationships since I want to meet different buys and don't want to get married until late twenties or so.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 April 2016):
 Of course you are allowed to want a close connection with a guy first. But again, what do you want exactly? If you want a relationship where you build up such a strong connection, and then eventually have intercourse, then you do just that. I don't understand exactly what you are asking us then, if guys would stay? You answered your own question, some do, some don't. I have things I am looking for in a man as well, just like you, and I have to go through the same amount of non-compatible men as you do. Your demand is not sex until strong emotional connection. My demands are, and the list is longer than I will write here; wanting three kids, has a decent job/income, willing to live in this and that area, has this and that view on religion, wants to get married before kids, joins me on vacations and family holidays etc etc etc. My list of demands is far longer than yours. But YES, this means that not every man that comes along will be a good fit for you!
So you have to be patient and date a lot of frogs before you find that prince. This isn't news, this is the standard reply to all relationship questions.
Btw it is NOT you taking the brunt of force into you, you make it sound as if intercourse is painful and not nice for the woman... Which is false, intercourse is pleasurable for the woman as well as the man...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): @HoneyBee I totally understand about stds. But...I'd rather get an infection in my mouth rather than on or in my genitals. So I think Oral gives another benefit over sex in that way. Especially since testing doesn't always catch stds because they can take months to show up. Or even to show symptoms in the first place...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2016):
 Hey OP,
I get you. I don't think you HAVE to have sex with a guy you barely know and who is only looking for sex.
But I wouldn't even indulge in oral unless it was a guy I was exclusively dating. Instead I'd take the time to get to know him before any kind of sex. If he isn't willing to get to know you and wait with any kind of sex, then he isn't looking for a GF/partner but casual sex.
Each person is different. What they like and what limits they have. If you have found yours, then I think you should just stick to them. There is no right or wrong IMHO.
AS long as you remember that oral might prevent pregnancy but not necessarily STD's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Thx for the advice everyone. I like hearing different povs. And you guys sound just like the guys I met irl.But it's like how I said: I want to at least have a connection with him before I do it. It's not about purity or religion. I know regular sex is practically required for relationships now...but they all seem to end so fast, it's srsly hard to worry about guys leaving all because I won't fuck. They'd leave anyway even if I did... I'm the one getting penetrated and getting the brunt of all the force and everything. I feel like oral sex is more equal...I'm supposed to let him into the most sensitive part of my body, and I just don't like the idea of doing that with someone I don't really care about. It's not like he'd let me do the same to him or play with his anal area right? Or at least not until after we built up lots of trust...Because it's INTIMATE. It's all like the core of your body. Penetration is...just very intimate to me. So I agree with the Anons mostly...and I will stick with it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 April 2016):
oral sex IS sex. If you want to save yourself, then having loads of sex is not the way to go!
Anal sex, oral sex, you name it, it's all SEX! His genitals and your genitals = SEX. Whether you have intercourse or not is irrelevant, you're not saving yourself if you continue to have sex with men.
What would you think if your future husband told you he was a virgin and had saved himself, and then later on you discover he's had oral and anal and whatnot with so and so many girls? Would you still think he had been "saving himself" for you?
Either you have sex, and you're allowed this, or you don't. You can't just say you will have some sex and then not another form of sex, as if that's supposed to make you purer than others. You can still get just as many STI's from the sex you engage in, as a person who has intercourse. The only thing you're not risking is pregnancy.
Saving yourself for marriage means not being intimate, sexually, with another person. Oral sex is sex and intimacy in it's highest forms. You'd have his penis in your mouth! How is that supposed to make you pure and "saved"?
You need to think about what you actually want here.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2016):
Oral can still give you plenty of STD's though.. Consider that?
What it comes down to is finding someone who is on the same page as yourself. Nothing wrong or right in wanting to wait to have penetrative sex til marriage. It might just be hard to stick to it. It all comes down to you. And being VERY upfront with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Lots of guys do want sex right away. Lots of salesmen want you to buy things in stores too. You don't have to agree to any of it.
As for staying with you? Some guys will. Many guys won't. But let me repeat, some guys WILL. Especially if you have never done it with anyone else before. (If you already did something with other guys but then you expect Mr. Right to wait for it, this will be a much harder sell.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2016): I'm the OP...I actually agree that Oral is sex. It's a sexual act...I don't even count myself as a virgin anymore, srsly. I agree with the idea about how would the LGBT lose their virginity if vaginal intercourse was the only way to do it?
But Oral doesn't risk pregnancy (I know with BC that pregnancy risks can be very low, so I'm not naive about that).
I like not having to ever worry about that risk. Especially with all this ghosting, and Tinder, and people basically not giving a sh!t. I want to have that level of intimacy with a guy who's committed to me at least. I'd really like to be in love with him too, but who knows lol
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2016):
 I do believe there is someone for everyone out there. Unfortunately, the dating process of finding that someone can be painful and frustrating -- especially at your age.
Most guys, at your age aren't necessarily looking to settle down and a good portion of them are in it just for sex. In this day of Tinder, that is more pronounced than ever.
I think if you want to find guys who are looking for marriage and who share similar values you might want to check out where they are likely to be: churches and volunteer / charitable places.
As far as the oral sex thing goes: you do have a bit of a double standard. I am not sure why you are saving yourself for marriage, but it seems to be in name only. Having oral sex -- is having sex. Imagine a priest or clergyman who thinks they aren't sinning because they only give and receive oral sex. Or if your parents felt it was okay to have oral with someone other than each other. To me that sounds fairly hypocritical.
In your case, if you do find a guy willing to wait, he'll be conflicted and confused by your stance on oral sex. On the other hand, if you find a guy who wants sex but only gets oral from you -- he too will be confused (and frustrated) and pressure you to going all the way with him. Ultimately this will lead to a break-up or him straying.
I think you do have a little bit of sorting out to do with your stances on sex. To me, it seems inconsistent and might be part of the reason why you have the frustrations you do today. Either way, be patient. Finding a meaningful relationship takes time, some experimentation in finding what you like and a bit of luck.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2016): I don't blame you for wanting to have sex with someone who means something to you. And I respect your decision to save it until marriage.
Nowadays everybody jumps into it so easily and if you develop feelings for the man, it can be very emotionally destructive to be in a sexual relationship with him if the feelings are not reciprocated. Take it from me. This is my situation at the moment.
Yes, most guys do want sex. Let's be honest. Will they stay with you if you don't? NOT THE PLAYERS. They won't be sticking around. BUT THE GOOD GUYS will. And isn't that what you want? A good guy? At the end of the day, that is what ALL women want. A good guy. And nowadays they are so hard to find.
But hang in. Stay true to yourself and your convictions. The man who appreciates this will come around. I believe there still are men who respect women who wait to have sex. The guy who really cares for you and not about using you sexually is going to wait.
My husband did. He was my first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2016):
Just a FYI OP - ORAL is sex too. It's just not penetrative, as in penis in vagina.
If a guy has the same values and mind-set as the girl, then I can't see why he wouldn't want to wait. But I DO think it's rare for guys in your age bracket to want to wait for marriage.
And sorry, guys will forget a relationship that was a very short relationship with a little mutual giving heads.
If you want to wait with penetrative sex till marriage, then do so. It just means you will have to stick to your guns and turn down a LOT of guys. Take your time with a guy, be upfront - that way if he wants sex.. he can walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2016): I'm the one who posted this question. I just wanted to say that in the tried asking part, I meant irl or in real life. Not girl lol I didn't mean to sound confusing.
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