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Why is he looking at sites with girl's underwear???

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 February 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 February 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I know I'll probably be raked over the coals for this one because snooping is such a big invasion of privacy and betrayal of trust but here it goes. My boyfriend of four years has been over my apartment recently and he uses my laptop when I go to work. A couple of days later I'm perusing around on Yahoo's news section and I notice that he's logged in. So, out of curiosity and blind stupidity I clicked on his e-mail and found that not only is he taking random pictures of girls butts but he's got a full stash of links to porn and pictures of girls underwear from shopping sites. First of all, I'm not offended by the porn. We both watch it separately and together and it doesn't bother me in the least?

The pictures and the shopping sites are what really got to me though. I know the only way I can stop worrying about it is to talk to him about it but I'm not sure how to confront him over this. With the pictures of the girls behinds I'm feeling more like he's a guy being a guy but the shopping sites are really specific to types of underwear and prices almost as if he were shopping for someone. I'm concerned that he might be cheating and don't know how to broach the subject. I already know I'm going to catch shit for reading his e-mail but I just don't know what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012):

Could be he dresses in women's underwear?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012):

What do you mean by "taking random pictures of girls butts?" Do you mean he's walking around taking pictures of girls arses on the streets? Or just saving ones he finds online? If he's taking pictures he's a perv.

OP I'd just straight up ask him. Yeah you snooped but it was your computer and you did so out of menial curiosity. What I don't get is what they were doing in his emails. I mean did he send or receive them or did he just save them to his emails.

First off it could well be that he's looking for underwear for you and just doing his homework. Maybe saving pictures of girls arses is so he can compare which has which pair of underwear and which would look nice on you. I've done similar things for my girlfriend when buying her lingerie. We can't just walk into a shop and grab anything we like, we need to know your measurements, your cup size etc and we also need to be able to tell if it would look good on you. I admit to have scoured for pictures of women with my girlfriend body shape to see what looked good on them. Lingerie is a present for us guys after all.

I say just assume the best and have a chat with him about it. He's your boyfriend of 4 years, he may have the right to be a bit pissed at you for snooping but do not let him use that as an excuse not to give you a good explanation. If he has nothing to hide he'll explain himself. Assume it's innocent for now because it very well may be.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMy fiance often looks at women's underwear sites... he's been known to buy some both before we were together and now too.

I think you need to ask him what's up.

for us it was that before we were together he liked to buy it for himself... now he buys it for me.

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A male reader, landomando United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

Its snooping if shes on his email...

Im a guy and first off I think that it is more of a fetish. Or maybe he was getting it for you. Because if he was cheating on you, I think you would have noticed something more obvious. Like him not hanging out, texting different, texting a girl.. stuff like that... I think that if he was buying underwear for another girl he would have to be seeing her for some time now. I mean guys dont just buy girls underwear. They may if they have been dating for a while, but you really havent noticed any real legit signs of cheating. and to buy underwear I think you would have. Also maybe the underwear sights have pics of girls wearing it. kinda like porn.

I would let it go and not start drama. but you probably are like on the edge now, and really concerned. so i think you should say i was checking my emails clicked on something. These sights pooped up with girls underwear for sale. I thought it was my email but it was yours. So what up with dat?? Little white lie but see what he says and how he responds. if he gets made be like u left it open on my computer. Its probably good you get an explanation and not let this go so this doesnt haunt you and force you to start digging for stuff.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 February 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI am not sure I agree that it wasn't snooping, but I guess that is a moot point anyhow.

Maybe your BF has a underwear fetish? Maybe he was looking for something for you? Were they drastically different then the kind you normally wear?

Honestly, unless he has an order confirmation I wouldn't accuse him of cheating.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

person12345 agony auntFirst off, it's not really snooping if he's on YOUR computer. I think you should wait this one out a little longer. He might be looking to buy you a present, or simply looking at them for the models (likely if it was in there with searches for butts and porn), or fantasizing about you in that underwear. If you were in his email you would have seen an order confirmation if he'd bought something.

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A male reader, unknown2u United States +, writes (29 February 2012):

To my mind the simplest explanation is that the girls in underwear ads are hot. He's taking pics of girls' butts, it's not much of a leap to look at the same thing in an ad. He may have a bit of a fetish.

I really doubt this is a sign of cheating. For one thing, most guys learn very early on that a gift of underwear is one that stays in the drawer -- we never get it right.

Unless you see some more compelling signs of cheating, I wouldn't say anything. That way you don't have to confess that you snooped.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012):

You're saying he stores his pictures in his e-mail? How do you know he took those pictures?

He may simply like girls' underwear and dreams about seeing those styles on you. I've gone to such sites just to see what was available, what the prices were, and what I thought looked good. Never actually bought anything but it is fun to window shop and daydream.

If you really have to bring it up with him, say that he left his e-mail wide open (he probably won't remember that he didn't) and you couldn't help noticing what was there.

I find it amusing that the shopping sites bother you more than the butt pics and the copious amounts of porn.

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