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What can I say to him to minimize the hurt?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I feel very upset and down in the dumps over my ex. We split up 6 months ago, he ended things because we weren't socially compatible (I like going out and he doesn't!). I was gutted and fought for him to take me back, coming up with solutions, and he said he would not be happy to compromise and would set me free to be social! I couldnt understand how someone that loved me would let me go like that.

I moved on and have since found myself in a rebound relationship and feel awful! I didnt realise until I was contacted by my ex, only a few days ago, telling me he is sorry, was being stubborn and admits we could have worked things out. He wants to meet me.

As I had convinced myself that he didnt care or love me, this has really thrown me and I now wonder if he really loves me. The truth is, I want to meet him.

I need advice on how to approach this subject with my current boyfriend, it is not his fault that he has got mixed up in this, I could not have predicted it either.

WHat can I say to him to minimise the hurt, I want to be honest, but I am never good with words.

Another thing that bothers me is that I dont want to throw away a good relationship with my boyfriend if it turns out that my ex is just lonely, etc

View related questions: my ex, split up

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A male reader, TimLSY United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

Ask what he wants first before you meet him. There's nothing you guys cannot resolve over the phone, and as this is a very sensitive issue and all of you are probably extremely emotional at this point, meeting without anything certain is not gonna help anyone. Believe me, I've been in this situation myself, being your ex (yes I was an asshole), and that one meeting streched into over a year of pain for everyone involved (I still am).

I wasn't sure why I had wanted to meet my exgf, I was just confused myself. I just felt like I have to meet her. To be honest, I was also in a kind of rebound relationship with another girl. I found out later that she was also in a kind of rebound relationship with another guy. Us meeting meant that both of us took a break from our rebounds. I was kind of hoping we could have an amicable conversation, get some closure and let each other go. Turned into a huge fight but guess what, in the end we both started to have feelings for each other again...but not strong enough to get back together...we were LDR and that went on for over a year...even the feelings have faded, my ex completely dumped her rebound a while ago while I was completely dumped by mine recently. Now instead of having to deal with one heartbreak I have to deal with two.

My point is, unless you're at least 99 percent sure you guys have a chance of getting back together, and that it's mutual, don't just meet up to "see what happens." It's really dangerous. I really do believe in getting back togethers, and don't want to stop you from it, but if he "just wants to see you," then don't. Ask him upfront even if it's hard, otherwise stick to your current bf.

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A male reader, Dave70 United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

Dave70 agony auntIf he loved you than he wouldn't of let you go.

It's been 6 months and this guy just got bored or something or heard you were in a new relationship and wants to see how far you'll bend when he calls. Stay with your current man or go at it single.

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