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We me on an online site. Should I assume we are still in a relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 May 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2016)
A female South Africa age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear Auntz. Ive fallen inlove so fast within a period of a month with a guy 9 years older than me from a dating site.

He asked me to help him do a website for him because i told him my brother does that so at fast my brother wanted to do it for free because he thought i was part of it but he realised i wasnt then he said he should pay.

Even since i told him to pay we have been fighting and now we not talking.

Its been two weeks now not hearing from him the last time i texted him "u cn text me in zulu" he never replied ever since. I was worried first few days then a friend told me to let go because the guy does not seem to have interest in me.

So i felt better ever since started working out all things going great and there is a guy now who is starting to show interest in my life. Im not sure if that guy still thinks we are dating or should i dump him?

The truth is i never stopped loving him we share so many things in common and most of the time i forgot he was way older than me. I think about him last time i checked his profile (today) he lost a friend recently he is now grieving i felt hurt that he has to go through that pain i wanted to text him but i didnt know what to say so i came to dearcupid. Should i text him?

He is now 45km away from me. Should i assume we are still in a relationship or should i let go and move on with the other guy even though i still care about him?

View related questions: move on, period, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (30 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntSweetie I remember your older post asking the same thing, being blunt, this guy used you as he thought he would get a free website from you. Now that you asked for payment he has went off the face of the earth. A relationship is where two people get to know each other, but you only got to know what he showed you over a computer screen, you don't know this guy at all and you certainly cannot love him, you may like the idea of being with him, but you don't know him. Don't contact him again, put it down to an experience and then stop with the online dating, remember you cannot trust everyone on the internet. Get outside in the fresh air and meet people face to face..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2016):

There was never a defined or official commitment between you and that man you met online. You are very young, impressionable, and quite naive. You could not see the man only wanted to use you. You also show that you romanticize and fantasize too much; and you called those emotions for a complete stranger, love. It is not love, it's just an affinity or attraction to his attention he paid you. He probably sweet-talked you to gain your trust.

You have to be more mature before going online and subjecting your naivete to who knows what. You think too much as a child.

Your brother was right to demand payment for his expertise. You didn't realize you were being used; but when you didn't offer the man what he wanted, you never heard from him again. That's because he thought he had someone he could easily take advantage of. There was a divine intervention that protected you from yourself.

Now you've met yet another man, and there goes your feelings for someone you've never met. Being this way is a danger to your safety and your mental well-being. You are subjecting your self-esteem to a lot of wear and tear; and assuming you get love in exchange for favors. My dear child, that is not how love works.

Slow down, or get offline until you are mature enough to know the difference between love, and just fondness for someone who offers you his attention.

Awful men feed on younger females who are needy, inexperienced, and childish. They know when they've come across someone who is searching for love, and doesn't know really what it is they're searching for. They can also pickup that you don't have the maturity to determine what it is once you've found it.

Get to know the difference between liking someone, and being in-love with them. There is a world of difference.

Most importantly, it has be returned. You have to have meet the person to know truly whom you're attaching your feelings to. I think you would place yourself in danger by meeting anyone you've found online; because you lack the discernment and experience that it takes to protect yourself from trolls and online predators.

Sweetie, by no means am I insulting your intelligence. I am only pointing out that the way you fall for these online men, you are making yourself extremely vulnerable. He didn't feel a thing for you, he was looking for someone to use. You are fortunate that you never heard from him again. If I were in your brother's shoes; I would have told the guy to get lost. In addition to that, I'd have given you a good talking to for being so childish; and placing yourself at risk. Had no one been there to stop you, who knows what he would have asked for and to what length you would have gone to please him.

If you want to meet men online, know whom you're dealing with; and that you owe them no favors. Don't attach your feelings so quickly. You have to take plenty of time to get to know him. He has to reciprocate the feelings, in actions and not just in words. How can he demonstrate any feelings for you, when you've only interacted through devices?

It troubles me even more to think, you might attempt to meet-up with one of them. You don't know yet how to take precautions to protect yourself from players and trolls looking for young women like you. Take this guy as an example of what a troll or predator can do. They stalk you down, wait to find your weaknesses, then take advantage of it. If it bothers you too much; then you never knew what you were doing in the first place.

This is advise for your protection. Not to hurt your feelings, my dear. You are in no relationship with this man whatsoever. If you don't know that, you need some time to mature to the point when you can tell the difference.

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A female reader, AlisonPalison United States +, writes (29 May 2016):

If something as trivial as you requesting payment (on behalf of your brother) for a website being developed is causing him to shut you need to run away from him. very fast. He is either not interested in you or us using you for his own personal gain such as a free website....or so he thought. You are better and worth more than this kind of childish man. Good luck love...even if it does not feel like it, you will find someone better.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (29 May 2016):

Ciar agony auntYou were never in a relationship with this man so there is no reason to officially dump him and you'd look a bit silly doing so.

Even if you were, it's been two weeks since you've heard from him so you should assume it's over.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2016):

i apologise for some errors in the text. The 2nd fast= first. To add on my post also this guy i met on the dating site he is a very great guy. The time i was at his place everyone in the community seems to like him. Very friendly and that is what attracted me the most about him. Now im confused, about the website he thinks now i wanted his money which is not true my brother wanted money. We are both christians so you can imagine what he was thinking when i requested the money. Sometimes i feel like i need him in my life. It was so easy to talk to him we had great conversation i cant believe that a website is breaking us apart. It is not the first time he is ignoring me after we fought. Usually i would ask him why he has been silent he would tell me and then wait for the right moment to ignore me again but this time i let it go to two weeks. What do I do?

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