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The red-blooded male in me says to give her more experience, the gentleman in me says to wait a few years!

Tagged as: Age differences, Online dating, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Sex question- a girl I've met online is very inexperianced and wants me to teach her about the physicality of sex.

What's the problem?- there's a 12 year age gap and while she's above the age of consent and therefore it would be legal, the ethics have me in knots.

On the one hand she is very mature for her age and knows it would only be a brief thing to give her more experience.

On the other side it feels like I'm taking advantage.

I've told her I'd think about it and let her know. The red blooded male in me says do it, the gentleman in me says give it a few more years.

What are your thoughts

View related questions: met online

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (14 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntNo it is not okay to have sex with some teenager online. Sure she might be asking for it, but surely you are old enough to say no.

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A female reader, Campari Milano United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2017):


OH, WAIT, I get it, you are a horny bloke who has a teenager throwing themself at you!

Do you know why you are on this site asking strangers for advice? Because you already know it's wrong. Otherwise you wouldn't have hesitated.

You are the adult in this situation, so behave like one.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (5 March 2017):

Every 16-year-old girl says she's "mature for her age". Hell, she probably got fed that line by men the moment she grew boobs and a butt. The problem is that really, she is just 16. No matter how much life experience she claims to have, her brain development hasn't completed yet.

Look back at yourself at her age. Look back honestly. How mature were you really? Not very. Nobody is.

The best thing for this girl and for yourself, because your gut is already sounding off the alarm, is to cut off this whole thing. Maybe she will find another guy your age to do it with. Maybe not. But at least you will not have started something both of you may regret later.

And for the love of god, start dating women over 20.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2017):

For the Americans throwing the word grooming around, you need to know the age of consent is different in the UK!! And grooming is when the groomer goes after the groomee, that's not what the writer seems to be describing here!!!

But- my advice, OP, is kind of the same as everyone else's. It's probably better not to do it. Yes, the hormones are screaming at you, egging you on to do it- as they usually are in most men, but you have a voice of reason that is loud enough for you to hear. In my experience, playing around with younger girls is not as fun as the imagination lets you believe. You'll probably kick yourself for declining, but I think you know it's the right thing to do.

But- if you do go for it, do your homework. If you don't actually know this girl, then you have no idea about the reality of the situation. And 16 year old girls are capable of the same manipulation as any woman of any other age.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI so agree with Auntie Celtic Tiger.

No 16 year old is really THAT mature. It's an excuse you give yourself because you KNOW (I seriously hope) that what you are doing (grooming a 16-year-old) is not OK.

You not having done anything yet - doesn't make you a "gentleman".

And I SO agree with that last nonny who said:

"At 16 I took on board my mum's advice that any guy in his 20's should be looking for a woman his age - if he's hanging around younger girls then there is something lacking that makes women his own age not want him or trust him."

Yes, a thousand times yes to that! You shouldn't be GROOMING teenage girls online. If you are looking for a partner, sexual or otherwise find someone CLOSER to your own age. the age gap is WAY to big for her.

Think about it.... that would be like a 16-year-old grooming a 4-year-old. (well not really but maybe it will make you see WHY a 12 year age gap is NOT ok at 16!) And let's say she is lying about her age. Guess what that makes you? A PREDATOR. A sexual predator.

I HAVE 2 teenage daughters (one 16 and one 14) as well as a 12-year-old. BOTH my teenagers could get away with saying they are older. They CAN act in a mature way - doesn't mean they ARE mature. TRUST me they are NOT, even IF I think they are MORE mature than a lot of their peers. If ANY of them told me of a guy who was 12 years older PREYING on them online pretending to be a friend but basically GROOMING them, your ASS would be on fire.

USE some common sense. Would you be OK if the girl was your little sister and some guy was GROOMING her online?

She might think it's all fun and games and maybe you do too, until an ADULT (like one of her parents) find out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017):

Oh my god just grow up at bit here! She's barely over 16 -NOT AN ADULT! You meanwhile are old enough to be married with kids and shouldn't be pursuing teenagers.

Yeah so she's over the age of consent but does that make it right for a man closer to 30 than 20 to be around a teenager? I find it massively disturbing.

A girl doesn't just say this out of nowhere so there must be interactions from you that have led her to want to be with you. Any man with a moral compass wouldn't put himself in a situation where a girl could develop feelings and should she show signs of interest would give her a bit of brotherly advice to, as a teenager, not trust an older guy. Why are you, assuming you're late 20's, talking to teenagers online? It is weird.

At 16 I took on board my mum's advice that any guy in his 20's should be looking for a woman his age - if he's hanging around younger girls then there is something lacking that makes women his own age not want him or trust him. How would you explain to a future long term partner you pursued a teenager? Not the sort of characteristics a woman looks for in a man.

Stop talking to teenagers online and get to know people you're own age. I hope to god you're being catfished only because then this isn't actually a real teenage girl you've been befriending.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (4 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThis is why the low age of consent bothers me; it makes grown adults see children (at 16/17, she's still pretty much a child) as potential dates/sex partners. It's not okay for a man your age to want anything non-platonic with anyone under 18 and, quite frankly, you should stick to people over 20.

She is not mature enough to handle a hook up and she *should* be inexperienced at her age! She knows the "physicalities" of sex, so she doesn't need a "teacher", and shouldn't have any sexual contact if she doesn't know.

Look, it's creepy for a guy your age to be considering this. You shouldn't even be talking to teens online, especially not about sex.

Do not continue talking to her and don't allow yourself to be in this situation again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017):

It scares ne that you are considering this 16 yo she is a child....that is not right.

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A female reader, p.d632 United States +, writes (3 March 2017):

I don't want to repeat what celtic tiger said although I agree with it. I will add that it really doesn't matter what that girl wants or what she says, because you clearly are not okay with it. You are already questioning whether you should do it which tells me there is a high chance that you will regret it.

The red blooded male in you says to do it because, well, men (...everyone) like sex. If you want sex or some other "brief thing" there are plenty of other age-appropriate ways to get it, don't you think?

Weigh out the pros and cons and decide whether it will be worth it, but I suggest you proceed with caution.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017):

Dude. you’ve met at 16 yo girl on line who wants you to teach her about sex? seriously, are you daft? you’re in your late 20s and mucking about with teen aged girls online. you even believe that this 16 yo girl can’t find someone irl to be sexual with?

i expect youre actually talking to a catfish, someone who lures people in for jollies and giggles and mocking them

assume you’re talking to a 40 yo man with a bit of a fetish and proceed accordingly.

Its not the gentleman or the lusty male you need to listen to, its the defense attorney for yourslf if she does actually turn out to be real--as in she’ll be underage and youre part of a police sting.

Daft, man, you are DAFT

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2017):

celtic_tiger agony auntIf you are 29, then the oldest she can be is 17 - don't go there.

Seriously, she may be "very mature for her age" but that is a complete load of rubbish.

NO seventeen year old girl is mature. THey are very good at pretending, but deep down, they are still little girls. They do not have the emotional maturity to understand what adult relationships are all about.

The red flags are waving all about here OP.

As you met her online,you really have no idea about her. Girls are very sneaky, and very manipulative. They are also good at pretending to be older than they really are.

Are you 100% sure she is as old as she says? 17 is a plausible pretend age for a teenage girl to play. She could be younger. Are you prepared to take the consequnces if it turns out she has lied? Thats a child abuse conviction waiting to happen.

Lets be honest, if she had said she was 14/15/16 would you have continued a conversation with her? WOuld you have even given her the time of day? No.

She knows that, and she is thrilled that she has managed to attract an older mature and more experienced man.

Teenage girls are not the most reliable creatures and if you break her heart, which you will because you will not want a long term relationship with her, then she could turn on you, cry rape, online grooming, etc etc etc.

Are you prepared for that?

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