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Online dating issues. I want to message him, but what would I say to him now?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I joined an online dating site and met a man and had quite a few dates with him.

He wanted to keep his options open, but I caught him out in a lie when he said he was not at a place when he was.

Since then he went quiet on me and so I told him he's childish and we can all have secrets. Basically told him I wouldn't message him again but I think I made a mistake.

I want to message him but don't know what to say.

I don't want to start with saying sorry.

What could I put and say to him ?

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2014):

bronzed adonis agony auntStop wasting your life and move on.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2014):

oldbag agony auntWhy would you want to message him?

He is a casual friend who you had a few dates with - maybe slept with too. That's what he wants from you - casual. If he wanted more he's had 6 months to decide.

He obviously felt he had to lie to you about being unwell which says a lot about how he saw you and where he's at.

Just forget him and move on, your worth more - plenty more fish in the sea.

Good luck

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (30 July 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou told him he was childish and that you all can have secrets. But didn't you punish him for having a secret? Which was that he wanted to go out drinking with friends.

I would let this one go back into the dating pool. He's known you for 6 months, you said he wanted to keep his options open and then didn't feel good enough about the whole thing to tell you the truth.

After 3 months of 'casual dating' he owes you no explanations and vice versa.

Let this one go back into the dating pool. And find it in your heart to forgive a guy if he just wants to go out with friends and not have to be accountable to a woman who is not his girlfriend.

You were way out ahead of yourself.

If you want to message him about this, why wouldn't you start out with a 'sorry'? You had expectations of him which exceeded your relationship's parameters. He doesn't have to account for his whereabouts to a casual date.

Take this as a learning experience and don't do it again to the next guy.

Good luck!

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (30 July 2014):

janniepeg agony auntI won't be an option for 6 months. No you didn't make a mistake. You should keep your word and stop messaging him. He just didn't want to say he's not interested anymore. There is nothing to be sorry about so talking to him again will sound like you are pleading for his attention.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014):

He said he couldn't see me one time because he was unwell but friends saw him out drinking its not that he has to tell me his movements its the fact he lied when he didn't need to he could of just said I can't go on a date this week I'm seeing some friends , we've been speaking online for over 6 months and "casual dating" for 3 just bit more info for peeps to help with replies thanks

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A female reader, -BMBTL- United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2014):

-BMBTL- agony auntI'd honestly just leave it! If you want to say something just say I am sorry for what occurred, then move on. Nothing else left with this guy, sorry!

Good luck! :)

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A female reader, hilary United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2014):

hilary agony auntHi there. As your "relationship" with this guy is so short and casual he does not have to tell you what he is doing or where he goes and it is up to him whether he wants to. A relationship has to become long term, monogomous and serious before you have any entitlements to know their movements.

He may well have lied to you simply because he wants some privacy.

If you choose to tell someone your movements that is a different thing, that is your choice. He will lose interest if you are being serious and clingy so you have to step back and be casual and do things his way or forget it.

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