A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have caught my wife's son (21 year old) with large quanities of skunk weed 3 times now, the first about a week after we were married 2 years ago,it turns out that he has been reported to the police on 5 occations by 3 different people on our estate for dealing drugs from my house,he has also many convictions and cautions for theft, assault and possetion of cotrolled substances.i told my wife that i did not want his girlfriend staying at our house anymore over a year ago as she was as guilty as him, she stay;s 6 or 5 nights aweek so must be involved.and that i want her son to move out. since i work away from home 5 days then have reserve forces committment 2 weekends a month so dont get home that often. my wife now wont come near me ..she says i disgust her, she does not need me,she has only ever loved 2 people (neither of them me) she has allowed her sons girfriend to almost move in, i pay £1000 per month on a mortgage and local tax but my wife thinks that i should have no say what happens in my house. we have had sex twice this year... (i think )all this because i have dared to question her BABY as she calls him. i need advice please
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 The two things that are the major cause of second marriages ending MONEY and STEPCHILDREN
not sure how long you are married
if she does not love you why did she marry you? are you just a wallet to her? if so RUN...
your house? you're never home...
if you are unhappy and she is not willing to compromise... then perhaps it's time to end the marriage...
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Your wife had possibly her son when she was young, and given the fact that she hasn't had a very stable life relationship-wise (considering she had 2 lovers before marrying you), she has grown to see her son as her source of strength. After all, he has been with her through all the mess in her life and he is all that she thinks she has. Men have come and gone but her child has been with her throughout. But that is entirely her problem, NOT yours.
You need to just get out of this situation as soon as possible, because your wife is clearly never going to see her "baby" in the correct light. She thinks he can do no wrong and you are the villain in trying to taint her baby's name. She doesn't understand that in trying to pamper and protect him, she has just spoilt him all the more.
Sadly there is nothing you can do here. You have to either stay and watch the horror unfold, because this kid is never going to change, or you can leave and let this woman and her son fend for themselves. The son is just using you and your house for his dirty work and your wife is conveniently turning a blind eye. Don't let this continue.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 November 2011):
 Wow, I would leave too. You can end up holding the rotten end of the stick one of these days all because of her "baby".
Yeah, I'd be gone & and file for divorce asap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): This woman will always put her child first regardless of how he behaves.
Do not let any of them abuse your good nature or bank account anymore.
Just walk in, pack your things and leave.
Don't look back.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (16 November 2011):
 It's YOUR house, so no need to run - kick them both out!
Report this "baby" to the police and let them search his room, him and his gf; they then ought to have enough evidence to take them both away, along with your wife as well for aiding and abetting, if you are lucky.
As CG has said, you are just a cash cow for these parasites; they have no respect for you and you need to rid yourself of them.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 November 2011):
 I got no problems with weed, but I do have problems with drug dealing. It's not safe to stay, anyone that's in that house can be arrested as drug dealers. The lack of sex is another issue. Does she give a reason, have you tried to fix this. You being away so often can't be helping, they probably don't think that it's your home, and you aren't around enough to have an opinion. Because your away so much, your wife is frightened she'd be alone if her son moved out. It's only been 2years, and there are so many issues, wasn't any of this discussed before you got married? Talk to your wife again. But personally I couldn't live in this situation, worrying about the police, is no fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): Yes you have a say in your own house, but you say you TOLD her you don't want his girlfriend and that you want him to move out. I would get my back up if my husband was hardly home, and when he did decided to dictate to me whether I could have my child (irregardless of their age) in our house. I understand completely why you want him to move out, and you have a right to have a say in your home, but so does your wife. I think it has less to do with you daring to question her baby, and more to do with the fact that you have made a decision and \dictated the solution to her instead of treating her as your partner and discussing the problem and your feelings with her. You are hardly ever home, she is always at home and takes care of running the household, and you come home for a very short period of time and tell her who she can or cannot have in the house. You have said you pay the mortgage, but your wife must contribute in someway, even if she is a housewife, she takes care of the house and she is your wife so it is as much her house too, and maybe she resents that you seem to think that she is someone who has to do as she is told because you pay the mortgage. I would feel that way, try talking to her openly and honestly, about the fears you have with her son and his girlfriend being there, and let her express how she is feeling and work together to find a solution. I hope this helps in some way. Good Luck, I know it is a very hard situation.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 As caring guy said.
Run.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 November 2011):
My friend, run as far as you can. You need to face the simple fact here - she will not turn her back on her son no matter what he does.
Seriously, this marriage has gone as far as it can. She's using you as an ATM machine, she has no respect for you at all, and she allows her son to behave this way.
The signs here are clear - you can do better, you should do better, you need to do better or she'll just continue to use you. Get away from this woman and her useless son now, or all your work will be for nothing.
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