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My husband keeps gaining weight and I find it so unattractive!

Tagged as: Faded love, Health, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 May 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2014)
A female Hong Kong age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm married to a veteran. We moved to Asia after he got out of the army. He used to look very muscular during his serving time but now after going back to the civil world, he started gaining lots of weight. I know he loves eating and drinking pop which i always try to tell him that's not healthy.

I love him but i'm in my mid 20s and we're very young and forgive me to say appearance is still very important at some points. I find telling someone fatty very impolite but i started finding him very unattractive lately.

At the same time, i love tats. I have one and want to get 2 or 3 mores (meaningful ones not randomly engrave everything on my bod). He gets bit upset and tells me he thinks tattooed girls look very unattractive to him and he doesn't want me to get more anytime we discuss about me getting more tats.

I wish if he could understand how i feel the same way about him gaining weight.

Please advise me how i can get him back to who i used to date.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (20 May 2014):

Atsweet1 agony auntI have gain weight to not working out I dont care who likes it or not. Im single so It does not matter who thinks my butt is fat or fake or if my breast are real or not. I have to wake up and like what I see first and foremost even if I was dating or with someone what you.see is what you get. If I dont like there looks I will find.someone who looks I approve of its not that serious.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (17 May 2014):

Dionee' agony auntYour husband doesn't like the issue of you wanting more tattoos and you don't like his weight gain. The army keeps you very fit. i went to a one week camp where i suffered military training. All my extra skin turned to stiff muscle but i must say keeping up the military state of fitness isn't easy once you aren't there anymore. Its easier to keep off weight when you have some source of inspiration especially someone to help you along. The army way of life is tough! Your husband has just lost it. Perhaps you need to help him along. Not only will it make things easier for him but you will also get healthy along with him as well as getting him into shape. This is all that you can do in my eyes. Both of you will need a lifestyle change when it comes to incorporating workout time as well as healthy eating and living into your lives. An adjustment for you both. Just rambling on about how big he has become without you making a move towards helping him counts for nothing. Marriage is a partnership.

Goodluck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2014):

For me, I know it wouldn't change the way I felt about them- but then again Ive never gone for looks, believe me lol... In my eyes the person they are is what charms me and captures my heart... Lol :)

If it was me n itgets to a stage where his health is in a lot of jeopardy, If it gets really out of control, then I would talk to him about his weight.

He doesn't like the "look" of tattoos, you don't like the weight gain... I honestly think that in a marriage you should be able to compromise with each other- it DEFINITELY shouldn't be that you get more tattoos, if he makes effort to get into shape.

Let's not forget that he doesn't like tattoos, but he still married you... See if you can come to a compromise, if not I would seriously consider finding someone that cares as much about image as you do. Not having a dig, just being honest.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2014):

Unfortunatelly him being in the army has nothing to do with his attractiveness. If he is piling n pounds he needs to understand that consequences are coming up soon.

There is no reason for anyone to let themselves go. It's a matter of self respect, and also health issues. Also OP, it doesn't matter what age oh are, appearance always matters.

My husband absolutely hates tattoes. He would never agree for me to have any. I think you both need to compromise, him striving to loose weight, and you stop piling up tattoes.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 May 2014):

aunt honesty agony auntTalk to him about how you feel. Try to be more active together. Plan fun activities together, help him get active. Buy in healthy food and try and encourage him to eat it. As for the tattoos well they are personal preference and maybe you should both discuss what you expect from each other and come to an agreement.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 May 2014):

aunt honesty agony auntTalk to him about how you feel. Try to be more active together. Plan fun activities together, help him get active. Buy in healthy food and try and encourage him to eat it. As for the tattoos well they are personal preference and maybe you should both discuss what you expect from each other and come to an agreement.

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A male reader, RevMick United Kingdom +, writes (16 May 2014):

RevMick agony auntHi OP.

Knowing several ex-army veterans and such, in the army you are constantly on the go with whether that's in the field as it were or on base.

The problem with that is when you stop being overly active and even just settle into a civilian life the weight can pile on (Even if he was exercising).

He doesn't like your tattoo's and you don't care, yet he gains weight and it's a deal breaker? Bizarre stand point, don't you think.

I have a veteran friend who saw some god aweful shit, he had to pull his dying friend from an IED. His friend was basically gone below the waist.

Have you asked him, maybe he is eating to deal with something he saw?

"Advise, how I can get hack to who I used to date" Excuse me? He served his country and now has to come home to a partner who is let's face is only looking skin deep.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (16 May 2014):

BrownWolf agony aunt

If your love for your husband is based on his outward appearance alone, then your marriage is in serious trouble. Your husband has done his part for his country, comes home to a “Loving wife”, only to find out the enemy is in his own home. Very interesting.

Putting that aside…What are you doing to help him? Are you in the gym? Making sure you buy only healthy foods, and encouraging him to eat health? Are you saying “Hey baby, let’s go for a walk, or a run”? Or are you just sitting there expecting him to do his duty again to keep you happy.

You don’t like his weight, and he does not like your tats, but you don’t care. As long as he loses weight to please your standard, all is good…again…very interesting.

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