A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been meaning to ask this question for a while now. There are a lot of posts on here about married men cheating and I'm sure we all know or have heard of men who have mistresses; usually the mistress is more sexually "available", if I could put it that way.That being said, I've been wondering, what are the sexual things or acts that a wife won't do with her husband but a mistress is comfortable doing with her lover? And more importantly, why would a wife be uncomfortable expressing herself sexually in front of her husband? The reason I'm asking this is because I saw a question on here a few days ago and someone replied to it saying that a mistress would do sexual stuff with her lover, stuff that would disgust a wife. Which led me to wonder, what and why could it be that would disgust a wife? I mean I'm married and I'm very sexually liberated with my husband. We have oral, anal as well as regular sex and try different positions. We make it a point to have sex 3-4 times a week. At least twice, if not 3+ times. Is there a difference in the way a wife and a mistress have sex? And if there is, then why? Social conditioning?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2020): I have heard that often the 'other' woman who is with a married man will do things that a married woman won't. For one thing, I imagine that some married women think "if I try that and don't like it, he'll keep asking for it since I did it once." Whereas with a mistress it's less of a problem for her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2020): It's a no brainer. New and lustful and especially forbidden sex reigns supreme over the same, repetitive sex with a long term partner. BUT here's the kicker. It doesn't LAST because it's not built to last. And once the married guys get their thrills, they go back to old faithful, the wifey. A mistress thinks she's special because another women's man had sex with her? She needs to think again. Most married men who see a viable opportunity for something new or extra to add spice to their boring lives would go for it. They would go for it with just about ANY available woman. All the stars line up and off they go.
Mistresses try harder because many times they get emotionally involved and hope the man will end up with them. Due to their mad sexual skills. This is self perpetuated delusion. And the longer they keep putting out, the longer they delude themselves.
Only very smart people know that the best sex comes in long term relationships. Where the intimacy and connection is strong. Where couples are real and vulnerable enough with each other to take the sex to new heights due to feeling safe and secure together. The bond transcends putting it in a hole or rubbing all over it. And forgetting about it after it's over. Not sure about you but I'd prefer my favourite candy over the long haul over trying new candies all the time and not a single one of them ever coming close to my favourite.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2020): All I can say is im pleased im no one's mistress. I wasn't put on this earth to be a man's 'best sexual experience' by being a bit on the side. When I was younger, much younger i did have a couple of flings with married men and I agree part of it was the knowing it's wrong and feeling I could have someone else's man, but it wasn't a long term feeling, I ended up feeling shitty for the wives and shitty in myself. Thankfully I didn't carry on this mindset past twenty one.
Not all men or women feel this way, many prefer the closeness of making love to their partners. My partner says being with me is far different than his previous ones, which were based solely on sex.
And I'm not a prude in bed, I draw the lines on some things, one of them being I would never bring someone else into it.
At the end of the day it boils down to sex and little else, there's more to life and a relationship than just that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): A mistress has sex extra-maritally. A wife doesn't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): My wife joked she was a nymphomaniac 40 years ago. She was close, we would have sex 2 or 3 times a day for 10 years-- then I slowed down. Over the years we told each other everything about are past relationships. At her first post college job she soon was her boss' mistress. He was 40's married. She was transferred and found another married guy married 40's. During both flings she hand a boyfriend who developed erection problems. She said he look like Paul Newman, he told her she gave him too much oral, then he couldn't get erect enough for sex. The 2 older guys shower her with gifts and one took her yachting.
It was a win win situation. Neither could be seen with each, they were nice guys she trusted just for sex mostly that she wasn't getting otherwise. Was far better than 1 nighters she never did. The 2 married guys weren't getting oral at home. She was only too happy to.
So the mistress is young, a real cowgirl in bed, gives oral, is fulfilling her own sexual needs, likes rich guys and their gifts. Wife's famous quote "i probably put a couple whores out of business, maybe 3 or 4."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): If your husband is a man who would keep a mistress; she doesn't necessarily have to do things you wouldn't do.
You took my comments much too literally. Why would anyone cheat when they have a handsome, sexy, and wonderful husband, or a beautiful kind loving-wife? Most of the time, they find people who don't even light a candle to their spouse. It's the novelty, the intrigue, the thrill of cheating. A mistress is usually a tribute to a massive ego, for a philanderer who thinks he's worthy of whatever he wants, and whomever he wants. He usually has no respect for women; and objectifies them as something to use for his pleasure, or to manufacture children, or be his arm-candy. Just because he is nice to them, doesn't mean he really loves them. You reward those who please you; or execute your bidding. They bribe them to do things they really don't want to do. Mistresses, like sex-workers, do everything they can to bring him back; and to get what they want from him.
Don't delude yourself into thinking doing every perverted disgusting unseemly thing somebody wants you to do in bed will stop them from cheating on you. If that's all it took, there would be no cheaters.
Keeping lovers on the side is a darkness in people that cannot always be explained; yet most people want someone who is faithful and trustworthy. Ironically, so do cheaters!!!
Mistresses will go the extra mile to please; because many are doing their best to draw him away from his wife. If you think doing everything you believe he wants in bed will stop him from cheating; you know nothing about human-nature. People defy logic and reason; and do things just because they can, and out of shear selfishness.
If you have someone who would cheat; you could do anything and everything you ever can to please him or her; but you can't control their thoughts and actions.
You do your best to find someone you trust, who is willing to value and earn that trust; and will give you theirs in return. Unfortunately, some people cheat; because they think they can getaway with it. If that's an element of their character; being a kinky-wife or studly-husband will matter very little. There is good and bad in all of us; but some will take it to the next level; and there is no way you can stop them.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (25 May 2020):
The world of "Mistress" applies to both men and women. Yes men may cheat more often, but women also have their "Bed Buddies" as well.
You my dear are miles ahead of most. Your hasband has rights to shout from the roof top.
Why is "Mistress sex" better than wife sex??
There are a few "R Words" that will Ruin any marriage fast. Most men marry the woman they see as fun, exciting, sexually charged, great with his friends and family, and someone he can depend on....NOTE...These can all be applied to a woman's reason for marriage as well.
After marriage, life slowly and surely begins to take hold of your relationship. Husband and wife goes about their days with work, kids, and so on. Then the first "R word" creeps in unnoticed...."Regular". All that hot newly wed sex comes down to quickies, or missionary. Although there is nothing wrong with either, the lack of exploring each other for better sex is lost. Soon this Regular sex becomes the slippery slope called..."Routine". This Routine sex slowly becomes a problem, and this is where some couples run into another R word to put a nail in the relationship. They figure if they pick a day or set time for sex, things will be better. So they make sex "Regimened". Every Saturday lets say, they plan to have sex. Well there is a problem with that. Life does not play by our rules. You can plan all you want, something will come up to Ruin your plan of Regular, Routine, and now Regimented sex.
Now...More arguments have started. The blame game is on full speed. You blame money issues, you blame the kids are stressing you out, you blame work, you blame all kind of things. The arguments create distance between you. Now sex has gone from Regular and Routine, to "Rarely". Use to be once a week, now it's once every two week, soon once a month, and now once every 6 months. This lack of connection and bonding brings up the Mistress and Bed Buddy R word. This one word is where most marriages begin to fail.
Resentment!!!
When the wife or husband builds up enough Resentment, they question their marriage. As in...Why did I marry him/her? I wish I could see all this before I agreed to marry him/her. Left unchecked, that Resentment turns to hate. Not always the hate for your partner, but hate for how things have become. The need to not feel Resentful starts to become a priority. You do not talk to your wife/husband about this, because you feel they are the reason you feel this way, and if they loved 0you, they should fix it. Problem is...it took both of you to get here, so one of you cannot fix it.
Husband/Wife goes out, or at work, and someone notices the sad Resentful look on their face. Human nature to make the other person feel better soon leads to small talk. The small talk then leads to listening to all the Resentful and hurt feelings. This is how the mistress becomes soo much better in bed than the wife...or bed buddy in a woman's case.
Due to the lack of COMMUNICATION in the marriage, the husband has just told the soon to be mistress, everything he wants in a woman, and in bed. Said mistress now armed to the gills with all of this info, sets out to give the husband exactly what he wants. Where the wife would say no, she says yes. Wife may not be into Anal... Mistress says "I will try it". Things like roleplay, or even how he likes oral sex, can be a win for the mistress because she knows what the wife does not know. The mistress sees an opportunity to get her own man, if she keeps up the attack.The wife is lost, and things just get worst.
As for the dumbass husband...what he does not see, is the R word coming for him. A mistress may seem great to have, but she does not have the burden of married life yet. He may think it is better to be married to his mistress instead. So he gets a divorce and marry Phis mistress...Ah life is great now...WRONG!! Because the next R word to come looking for you is called..."Repeat".
You will continue to Repeat the same mistakes in every relationship you have, because you did not learn to fix the problems in your first married. Your mistress will become just like your wife, once the burden of married life kicks in.
If you have a brand new car, and you get a flat tire. You do not go and buy a brand new car again. You fix the tire. Same as marriage. You have a nail in your marriage tire...FIX IT!! Getting another brand new car (wife) only comes with it's own brand new problem.
GOD gave us ears for a reason. They are not there so we can listen to our partners needs, and then ignore them.
You will amazed how many problems in our relationships that can be fixed by simply LISTENING and UNDERSTANDING what's being said. It's called...RESPECT.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): I am a mistress. It's because we TRY harder to please him. It's because we're always ready, willing and available. In a way the wife is not. We maintain separateness from the mundaneness of his daily life. We get to remain a FANTASY. And an affair becomes an ADDICTION because although both parties know it's bad for them intellectually, they come back for more because they're hooked on the HIGH. So, because the mistress is a drug, the sex with her is more exciting. He needs his next hit. The wife used to have that same appeal in the very beginning before 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Married couples don't seem to know how to prolong the spark and keep the fire lit. Life gets in the way as does the natural progression of moving into the comfort zone of a long term relationship. An affair creates so much longing that the anticipation and having less of each other elevates the already existing passion that drew the affair couple together. Mistresses are newer, more exciting and the hormones that accompany lust and infatuation are present and prolonged in illicit relationships. The wives move into the comfort zone of oxytocin yet we LIVE in the land of dopamine. We try harder because the sexual chemistry never fades since it's only moments in time that we have him to ourselves. The fact we have him in short moments of time makes it more exciting and builds the longing for the next time. A mistress is PENT UP much more than a wife and all of these emotions are stirring around in her constantly - love, hate, resentment, sadness, etc - and all these emotions explode in how she makes love to him. It's all very intense and passionate.
We make the best of our time together. Until we get too attached and things get messy.
We are never on solid ground. We always worry he could have sex with others and that creates a volatility that peaks our emotions. Volatility and insecurity usually drives frenetic sex. You will read about women who are damaged (and we are in order to get into this relationship) who will provide the best sex for men. And this is 100 per cent TRUE. Their egos are boosted and they respond with equal enthusiasm. They love that we are on our hands and knees. They love that we are desperate for their love (which they withhold), their time, their attention, their commitment. They know the fact they have us on a string fuels our desire into the stratosphere.
I believe that sex only affairs are not nearly as intense as an affair where a mistress is emotionally involved. Whether the married guy likes the extra baggage or not, I can assure you he's getting the best sex with an emotionally involved woman than one who has no emotions for the man. And that's why they usually like the fact she loves them. She will stay with them longer and give him mind blowing sex longer. He's got her EXACTLY where he wants her.
So, it is the passion and intensity of the feelings of the woman which drive the sex. There is always a little DESPERATION that ELEVATES sex with a mistress. The longing. The constant craving. The perpetual anticipation. She tries harder to please because she feels she has competition. Because she will never feel secure or stable. And because she knows sex is the only thing she provides she had better be at the top of her game or he will find someone who is. And because the mistress and her lover do fight often the make up sex is out of this world too. And that plays a role. At the end of the day, the emotionally involved mistress keeps fighting for his attention and that desperation for his love is the fuel to her fire.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2020):
 I think that comes down to EACH women, not just as a "group".
For some it's more about the "forbidden fruit" - in the sense that the married man/woman "gets away" with having a secret relationship on the side.
I don't think mistresses provide "better" sex or "nasty" sex of whatnot.
Ans I don't think that wives somehow are disgusted with sex, so men has to find a mistress for that.
So, personally I don't think there is a difference (in general)
I think SOME women are OK with being a side-bit (mistress) because they get emotional and sexual side fulfilled but don't have to be with that person 24/7. They don't have to cook, clean and have the spouse "duties". They don't have to deal with many of the more mundane parts of marriage. It's more like dating for a long time. (or shorter). There is no REAL investment in an affair. For some it's about the security. To know that they really aren't alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Mark Twain
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): I think when the response to that question was that mistresses will perform sex acts that wives find disgusting, the responder didn't mean ALL wives and ALL mistresses. I think the response was meant to mean that when SOME sex acts will repulse SOME wives, then SOME men will be able to find a mistress who WILL perform said acts. People are all very different sexually and people marry for attributes other than what someone is willing to do in bed. There must be a sex act that you would not be happy doing? I'm glad that you are sexually liberated, but not everyone is. Some people have been brought up to think that sex is dirty, good girls don't etc. and so will only be comfortable having basic sex for procreation. Other people are happy to swing, have orgies, etc. One extreme of sexual liberation to the other. Everyone is different. What disgusts one will delight another. And yes, the thrill of the chase and of getting away with having sex with someone you shouldn't be with, will always add to the frisson. Until someone gets hurt. It sounds as if you have a great marriage, so why are you concerned about this?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 May 2020):
 As you are perfectly aware, Any woman can have all of the Mistress sex she wants, and usually does. The tricky bit is that you don't get the thrill of getting away with it. Of the excitement of the competition. Books have been written about it.
Personally I prefer humor as the path to the truth, We tend to openly express our true feelings when we think no one will take us seriously. So here is the Old joke that answers your question.
A young man asked an experienced man what was the difference between sex with a wife, a prostitute, and a mistress. The experienced man replied, "when you reach that critical point in love making, a mistress will say, 'Are you done already?' A prostitute will say, 'are you done yet?' And your wife will say, 'I think I'll paint the ceiling gray.'"
FA
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