A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I do not know how to add my age to my account but I am 43 years old and my husband is 49. My husband was single for many years after his divorce. I was single for a 2 years before we met, then we were together 4 years before getting married. Yet we still bump into women from his past that he still considers "friends". It always happens the same, he greets her warmly, they start chatting while I'm standing there wondering who she is. She clearly doesn't know who I am or why I'm hanging around while they're talking. My husband seems to never bring himself to introduce me, later claiming he couldn't remember the woman's name, although he remambers the names of her kids, where she works and who her great aunt is. I've told him many times that this urks me and seems disrespectful. If he simply said to the woman, "Have you met my wife Anna?" Of course the woman would reply, "No, I don't believe we've met, but I'm Linda." Boom problem solved. Now we both know her name! Yet it continues to happen the same way every time. I have finally started introducing myself but personally I think it makes me look lame and jealous. I feel it is his responsibility, afterall he's telling her all about his job, his kids, and his latest hobby, why wouldn't he also mention the biggest news, that he got married and his wife just happens to be standing next to him? Duh! I have accused him of all kinds of things because it seems pretty obvious to me that he simply doesn't want them to know who I am, or that he's married. I also suspect he's slept with some of these women, or probably wanted to. Something he venhomly denies, but I think if he wants me to embrace their friendship, he needs to take the time to introduce me to them, so I can accept whoever this person is instead of having suspicions. I'm not sure how other women feel about this, but I would love your input. Is it or is it not disrespectful to a wife when a man chats it up with some strange woman and ignores you completely. I just need to know. thank you. At a recent superbowl party this week-end, a young woman came up to him and started chatting all the while I stood there without any type of introduction and she kept looking at me with this puzzled
View related questions:
divorce, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): Thats just bad manners, it doesnt matter Who is chatting with, he should introduce you , doesn't matter what.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Since it bothers you that he is being rude... I would say to these women as soon as you can "my husband is so rude, he forgets to introduce me, hi I'm XXXX, we got married last year... "
that way you get a nice dig on him and
pee on that tree to mark your territory
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2013):
 Yes, I would find it rude, however.. I'm the kind of person who will introduce myself or walk away from their chit-chat. If I am curious about the other person, I would say hi, I'm XXX, nice to met you. That way SHE has an opportunity to introduce herself and ask WHO you are to your husband or give HIM the opportunity to introduce you as his wife.
He might have slept with some of those women before he met and dated you, is that so odd that he has a past? A life before you? Doesn't mean he is still wanting to sleep with them or cheat on you.
As far as standing around "hovering" while he talks, I would (if you aren't interested in finding out who she is) walk away, get a drink, chat to others. You don't HAVE to be joined at the hip when going out with your husband. At least IMHO.
I trust my husband, so if he chats up a woman I don't know I really don't fret or worry about it. He is MUCH more the people person then I am. But with that said, I don't think my husband has avoided introducing me or purposely ignored me while chatting to others.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 February 2013):
You had me agreeing with you until you accused him of sleeping with some of these women. There's no reason to jump to conclusions with no evidence.
In his defense I've found myself in similar situations and forgotten someone's name then not wanted to do introductions because of it. Your "out" for him sounds great but people don't always think fast when they need to. Maybe you should have him practice it.
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 I would be very unhappy in this situation. It is rude and disrespecful. I introduce anyone that I am with to people I bump into as it is a matter of coutesy and even more so if it is your husband or wife. I can only assume he is one of these guys who hedges his bets and likes to keep his options open. It is not nice and you do need to ask him why he chooses not to introduce you and also say firmly that next time you are not introduced you will leave and go home. It is just a question of manners - very rude and upsetting for you and not at all acceptable behaviour.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): I had an ex-boyfriend who used to do this when we were together.
I didn't tolerate it.
You're right, it's rude, and there is NO GOOD reason for him to conceal his relationship to you unless he's trying to pretend availability to these women.
Reiterate to your husband that it's rude and awkward of him not to introduce you. If he doesn't get the hint, next time this happens ask him playfully, "Honey, do I get an introduction?" This will make it clear to the woman in question that you two are a couple.
But honestly, if he keeps this up, it may be time to rethink whether this guy is Mr. Right For You.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Hi
I wouldn't be happy about it no, maybe once or twice i would have let go but not every single time.
He makes himself look stupid too,chatting away and not introducing the woman who is actually with him,his wife.It must make for a weird situation,especially if its a long chat.Its good manners if nothing else,to involve you,or anyone, in the conversation when your in their company.
If he's not about to change,then try just joining in their chat, butt in type of thing, so he HAS to introduce you.He should get the message then.
Does he do the same with his male friends?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Darling its totally annoying and disrespectful. I cant believe your husband. Sorry you married Mr. wrong. Well if i were you, don't bother to let him know again. You notified him once that's enough. If he keeps doing the same thing, he doesn't respect you at all.It's not fair to be honest. What to do?Do the same thing his doing, anyway your intention is just for him to realize what his doing to you. Make him wonder too. the world does not revolve around him, if his flirting, so be it, cuz with all honesty you can never stop it. Unless you do something that will be enough to make him say, what the heck my wife is doing? I'm not saying, you be a bad girl, after all your 43. what im saying is, use the magic of reverse psychology..Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): yes I think it is rude of him not to introduce you. however, I think your idea to just introduce yourself is a good one. dont' worry if it makes you look lame and jealous. It makes HIM look bad to her that he didn't introduce you. it makes it look to her like he was avoiding introducing you so you had to introduce yourself. Then she will wonder what's wrong with him.
...............................
|
