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If anyone out there has any ideas or knows how to let go I would appreciate you sharing it with me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I have been married for 40 years and my husband passed away. Now I find myself in this relationship that is verbally abusive, I have no trust, he consistently lies to me, I let him walk all over me, I know this is wrong, it is not me to come across to him as needy, pushy but the more he lied the more I pushed. No matter what he does to me I always feel as if I am in the wrong. I feel he does not want a committed relationship, but every time I say to myself I can't take this any more, he calls and what do I do I pick up the phone. How do I let go? What does it take? This is an unhealthy relationship. I drive myself nuts and wonder where is he, what is he doing, who is he with. This is absolutely insane.. If anyone out there has any ideas or knows how to let go I would appreciate you sharing it with me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Remember your husband and question did he treat you like this? Would he want another man to treat you like this?

If you can go through the LOSS of your husband after 40 years together, this RELATIONSHIP should be a piece of cake to let go of and at least the guy is still alive.

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A female reader, petina1 United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2008):

petina1 agony auntYou may be searching for what you had with your husband. Being with someone for 40 years is a great acheivement. You probably still feel the need for that companionship again but the man you are with now is not the one. Always cast your mind back and ask yourself the question 'did your husband treat you like that'.. No, because he loved and respected you. Get rid of this horrible man. There are loads of widows in your situation waiting out there looking for friendship. Go and find them and have a good time, you never know, you may meet a lovely caring man. If you don't at least y ou will have peace of mind knowing that you don't have to be treat like this. Your confidence is low could be that you feel vunerable and still grieving. He is taking advantage of you. Us women are the stronger sex you know, find your inner strength and tell this man where to go. hope this helps.

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A female reader, luvy duvy United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

luvy duvy agony auntHi, you sound like a very bright young lady. Leave him. Love is a terrible thing to waste. You are wasting it on someone that is abusing you emotionally. I think you are picking up the phone and coming right back to him because you think it's too late for you to find love, not that you are old, your just afraid to be alone...to loose someone again...It would hurt you to leave him, but it would hurt you more to stay.

Let go! Stop being afraid of being alone. You will find someone again. I believe that every person on this earth has someone for them. It's just our job to find them. And yes, you may have lost him, but it's never too late...and there is enough good men to go around for all of us!

You will be fine!...GO FIND YOU A MAN!!!!!! :)

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A female reader, Kathh United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2008):

Kathh agony auntI am so so sorry for the lose of your husband.

Its good that you have recognised that this relationship is unhealthy, now we need to help you find the strength to leave, and thats what it takes - a huge amount of strength and will power.

Its understandable that you do not want to be alone so don't beat yourself up over that, by the sounds of it this man has been a crutch to you, albeit a very unhealthy one.

Do you have any close family or friends you could confide in and ask for support? I think your going to need some help in letting go of this guy.

I'm sure one of the more experienced aunts or uncles will be able to offer some more help and suggestions.

I hope you find the strength to get you through this and find someone who treats you with more regard, love and respect.

Take care.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

My heart goes out to you! I am probably about the same age as you! And I know how frightening it is to find yourself on your own after having someone for such a long time.

You don't need this abusive man in your life! You are better off alone! Do not fear the unknown...embrace it! You are worth it!

Please see a therapist. You need help sorting out all the feelings you are experiencing.

Being alone can be an exciting time in your life...a new beginning. If you look at it with that attitude, it can actually be enjoyable! Find some activities to get involved in. And love yourself!

Good Luck! xxxx

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