A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy from work since Mid December (I know it's risky and a 'no go' with colleagues from work, but there's something about him I like, and he admitted he likes me too, and when we were out on our Christmas Night Out we ended up kissing. Since then we've been seeing eachother, messaging each other and occasionally meeting up. The dilemma is that he has a girlfriend, which I know is bad, but he isn't happy in the relationship, I'm not saying this is a good excuse because it isn't. Anyway, 3-4 months is a long time and I've started to really like him the more I speak to him. However, his girlfriend seen a message from me flash up on his phone, nothing bad just 'OK, night x' and since then he has blocked my number, understandably, I get why he's done that however he's avoiding me in work. He's not speaking to me or even looking at me. I feel so awkward. Another thing is that he's told everyone in work about everything, which I feel is personal and he just doesn't care. I feel like he's made me look like a mug, I feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back and laughing at me, including him. I just want to ask him why he's being like this with me but I'm afraid he'll just ignore me which is even more awkward. I know it will never be like it was as his girlfriend will be on to him constantly but I just want to know for my piece of mind why he's being like this. I want to enjoy going to work not dread it as I know he will make things difficult. How do you suggest I approach the situation?? Any help would be appreciated as I have never and will never be in this situation again!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 March 2016):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim
There are consequences to every action. You ACTED like a selfish person when not considering anyone but you, in all this. And HE acted like a jerk.
So, LEARN from this lesson. When a guy HAS a partner/wife/ fiance/GF and plays the "woe is me card" it isn't because he actually CARE about you. It's because he sees you for a mug. Someone easy to manipulate.
And LEARN to not "date" in the work place. When it doesn't work out not only YOU are left with this awkwardness - the whole work place is.
The whole "our relationship is so bad" is SUCH a typical cheater thing. If it really WAS so bad, he could have LEFT her, not carried on with a side-dish (you ) at work.
He got caught by the GF and decided to throw YOU under the bus. Why? Because it is way easier for him to do than MAN up and take responsibility for his own actions. And doing it at work, putting it out there in public means that people will think he wasn't a "bad guy" alone. And really... he wasn't - but he WAS/IS the one with the GF. It's a good way for him to publicly take a huge distance from you. To keep you away.
Accept that the guy wasn't that great of a person. He used you. You used him. And it didn't work out as you had hoped.
If anyone bring it up to you, tell them you regret it but you were not the one who cheated on a partner.
Everyone makes mistakes - THIS was yours. Next time, think a little longer before you act and use some common sense.
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (2 March 2016):
Hi. Interesting that you are now enlightened to what an arse he is, cheating on his girlfriend, yet I would lay good money that if he hadn't blocked you and he wanted to have carried on, you would have. 'the other woman' or man can fool themselves into thinking they are special, the person they are aiding in cheating on their partner is oh so unhappy....yak yak yak....but as you now know there isn't anything special in his eyes about you, or he would have left his partner before you guys began as he would know he shouldn't be in a relationship and persuing something else. That os not an honourable man. That os a cheat. You have behaved dishonourably, and you will be feeling the karma from that now.You are young. I hope you have learnt a lesson here. If a man isn't free, he isn't yours to have. If he wants a woman and pursues her whilst in a relationship, hes no man worth having.As regards he telling everyone - what evidence to you have of this? I fond this bizarre that he would do that given his partner doesn't know about it....are you sure that it isn't you who has let this out and are phrasing the question in a way that shows you more favourably whilst achieving the aim of an answer how to deal with it?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 He was the cheater, not you! If anything, he is he one who should be feeling shitty about this entire episode. However, as an aunt here said, you knew he wasn't a very nice person from the word go so don't expect him to be good to you now. When he didn't give a damn about his own girlfriend, he obviously wouldn't care about you.
Don't let him bother you so much but yes, learn from your mistakes. Never go for a man who's taken and follow your instincts. You know deep down inside how a person really is; you just choose to ignore the warning signs because sometimes doing what you shouldn't do feels good. Now you know better.
Also remember this... Someone had once told me that today's newspaper is tomorrow's fish wrapping paper. What seems so big and important to you today is something that people won't even remember tomorrow. Even if they do, so what? You didn't cheat. He did. If someone's disgusting enough to bring it up to you then just tell them that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2016): If he's that much of a jerk to be cheating on his girlfriend then he's going to be that much of a jerk to just ignore you. If you wanted somebody to be nice and treat you with respect then don't pick a man that obviously isn't very nice.I agree with everything that WiseOwlE says to be honest so all I can do is back him up on that. I doubt very much he has gone around telling everybody as his girlfriend hasn't found out he cheated, why would he tell everybody if it's still a secret?I know people make mistakes and you've said you will never do it again but this is what happens when you do bad things. If you were a part of this then you just have to suck it up until it's just a memory. You can't just wave a wand and it will all be like nothing happened. I also don't agree with the statement that you weren't the cheater he was, you knew that he had a girlfriend so I think you are just the same.I'm not trying to make you feel bad but sometimes you just have to take the punishment and learn from it. The way to handle it would be to just ignore him as he ignores you. Don't feel sad that you can't be with him again as obviously he's an ass! You certainly wouldn't want him as a boyfriend.I can pretty much guarantee that he hasn't told everybody so don't worry about that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2016): You paid no regard to the fact he has a girlfriend.
You justified the cheating by rationalizing that he wasn't happy with his girlfriend anyway. How do you really know that? Only because he told you so? What wouldn't a guy say to have his way with you?
Your unpleasant feelings about it all; truly are the result of your karma.
You betrayed your sister female, and you played single's games within the workplace. Thus you're reaping what you sow.
You can't possibly be puzzled that he would block you once he got what he wanted, and then got caught?
Seriously?!!
What goes around comes around. You ignored how she'd feel if she found out her boyfriend cheated on her. You were a selfish and willing participant in cheating against her.
Knowing how much such a thing would upset you, if it was happening to you.
Now it's about your feelings? What about hers? He's a big ole cheater and jerk. You didn't catch yourself a prize to start with. Like him or not. What exactly did you expect to come of cheating?
He told everyone at work? Come on! Why would he do that?
It's your own guilt and paranoia telling you that. Everybody figured it out by themselves. People instinctively know who's fooling around at work. The vibe is all too obvious; no matter how hard you try to hide it. You want to lash out in scorn. Your suppressed tension is a dead-giveaway. A jilted woman isn't hard to spot. Women don't hide their emotions very well. Just how you two looked at each other started gossip.
Attribute everyone knowing from your flirtatious behavior in each others presence around others. They were watching you both from the start. That's how they know.
You're young. You've learned something early on in life; so you'll know better moving forward. Cheating deserves bad karma. It's dishonesty, so nothing good should ever come of it. You can let it fade away, or you can find another job.
You've got options.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 He is acting like that because his girlfriend caught him cheating, it seems he has decided his relationship with her is more important than whatever it was he had with you.
I am sorry you feel like a mug, and that you are having to learn this lesson in such a hard way, but that was the risk you took when you started fooling around with a cheater from work.
Hold your head up high, you DID act like a mug, but when ever you feel they are laughing at you, remember this, YOU were not the cheater, HE was!
Let him go, if anybody is crass enough to mention it just remind them you didn't cheat on a partner, he did!
You are today's news at work, but hold your head up and do your job, ignore the awkwardness as much as you can, once people see they are not having an effect on you they will let it drop and move on to tomorrow's news.
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