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I have a crush on a female coworker

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 March 2023) 3 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2023)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am a female and have a crush on a female coworker. We have chatted at times through text but I’m unsure if she is interested in women which is fine because we could at least be friends. The problem is she seems cautious even when I mention hanging out. I want to be her friend first and although she seems and has said she enjoys talking with me I don’t know. At work we are usually very focused and busy without much time around although she often will pop up by me and offers to help. Then other times it’s as if she is almost cold and almost ignores me. We had talked about going walking together-I asked her if she wanted to and she was like sounds like a plan but then never solidified those plans and even said things like I hope we have nice weather. The other day our boss asked to speak with us. She said since we are both single so we should consider going on double dates to meet men together. It was very awkward especially in my mind the person I wanted to date is my coworker. She didn’t seem too bothered as she had a poker face (she’s good at it) so when I was texting with her several days ago after that I mentioned it and she responded to the text but not about the subject of us double dating. The other night I made a joke of what our boss said about going together to meet in a bar. She also knows I recently looked into online dates. However this is the first time she has not responded to my text at all. I see now this is a sensitive area for her so I’m not going to joke about it again. Just curious why you think she seems upset at me like didn’t respond or is she doing it to punish me? Also how can i address it without her getting offended or pushing her away or if I should even bring it up again? See How can I continue on with our friendship and find ways to help her treat me as a friend and let her guards down?

View related questions: at work, co-worker, crush, text

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (18 March 2023):

Myau agony auntShe wants to be work friends.

Stop making it weird.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2023):

Hi I’m the original poster. I just wanted to clarify when I said let her guard down I didn’t mean it to come off in a predatory way like to hurt or take advantage of her. I just meant she has shown signs and initiated contact and conversations-laughing at my jokes, hanging around, making extra effort to help me etc which makes me feel there is a mutual interest but she seems hesitant. I would never want to force her or make her feel uncomfortable so I agree about focusing on working together and maintaining a level of professionalism and friendship.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 March 2023):

Honeypie agony auntI think you need to pull back with this whole dating or going out.

You write:" See How can I continue on with our friendship and find ways to help her treat me as a friend and let her guards down?"

That sounds SO predatory! If you had been a guy you would be flamed for "trying to groom".

Don't hit on her.

YOU are there to work, BE a phucking professional at work!

Just work well with her, be a good team mate.

IF you are looking to date - look OUTSIDE of the workplace.

Let's say she isn't bi or a lesbian. Do you have ANY idea how awkward she would feel if you keep on subtly hitting on her? Yikes!

And yes I would say the same to a dude wanting to hit on a male OR female coworker, or a girl wanting to hit on a man, or woman.

Just stop. Your workplace is not a bar where you pick up partners. Nor are you paid to try and romance coworkers.

Also, your boss was inappropriate to bring up you two going out on double dates to meet men! I mean WTF?

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