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Parter is making situations for us not to sleep together. I miss the cuddling

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2023) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2023)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My partner, who I've lived with for many years, has started supposedly joking around by preventing me from getting into bed with him at night.

When I tuck our dog into bed, brush my teeth etc and then go to get into my side of the bed, he's either sprawled out my side so I can't get in, or taken and hidden my pillow, so I have nothing to sleep on.

My reaction, being tired by the time I get to bed, is to go to the spare room, make up the other bed and sleep there. He usually comes in half an hour later, AFTER he's heard me do all this.. and says he was kidding. I just stay where I am for the night.

I don't know how I'm supposed to react when he does this. We've been together so long that we don't have much intimacy now.. I know that can often happen.. but when he does this I feel SO rejected, SO hurt and SO alone.

We live such busy lives and I look forward to cuddling him in bed at the end of the day. Obviously not the same for him.

Talked to him this morning and told him how it feels when he does it. Now he's offended at me being offended! Am I supposed to find what he does funny? I don't! Am I overreacting?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2023):

OP here, I have just loved these wonderful posts. Rita, you made my month! Thank you so much. This is all great advice :)

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (18 March 2023):

Myau agony auntNo your not over reacting. Slap him and make him sleep in the spare room next time.

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A female reader, RitaBrown United Kingdom +, writes (16 March 2023):

Does your boyfriend pretend to be asleep when he's playing this "joke"? This is what I would do... Politely ask him to move. If he still pretends to be asleep,quietly slip back downstairs again and return with a couple of ice cubes. Then whip the covers back and shove the ice cube between his buttocks (or onto his testicles if he's on his back). This is bound to get a reaction from him, whereupon you can laugh uproariously and tell him it's just a joke.

Do this (or similar) every time he pulls the same prank until he gets the message. If you don't have a freezer you can try a cold flannel instead. Or possibly a short smart tap on the bottom with a spatula.

Failing that, simply get into bed on top of him. I know it's wouldn't be comfortable for you but it won't be comfortable for him either so he'll have to move eventually. And, if you can manage to have a couple of large farts stored up, now is the time to let them rip.

And if he to takes offence at your pranks... rethink your relationship with him. You shouldn't have to put up with his pranks if he can't put up with yours.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2023):

Arielle! This is not that deep to require such a harsh suggestion! I cannot believe this!

I know many couples who do not sleep in the same bed every night! Including myself… not that I don’t love my husband but he snores and I cannot sleep. My job is so demanding and requires lots of attention so I would not be able to function if I don’t get enough sleep. We sleep in the same bed over the weekend and some nights. I still cuddle and spend some times in his bed before going to my room. So maybe you snore and he doesn’t want to tell you? Or sometimes we need to have our own space and miss each other?

I would just give him some space and see how it goes.

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