A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am a self conscious person, quieter at times, and hate confrontation. Whats the best way to deal with people who look you up and down and/or stare when they meet or see you? Yes, yes we all stare a little.. but you know those people who really eyeball you and stare? they look you up and down..and may do it again..(they can be anyone from a teen girl to a work colleague, a friend of a friend, to an old lady/ old man you meet at a social function..) Say in a not nice or judgemental way, they are summing you up and obviously dont like yr looks or clothes, skin, hair etc Do you just ignore it? and let them stare at you.. Dont want to be rude but do want to be assertive.thankyouADDIT: and no I DONT mean they are attracted to you! some people just stare and stare and are rude. Update Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): I would just slowly start to stretch my leg out, and raise my skirt slowly then burst out laughing and say 'two ton polar bear' if that don't break the ice nothing will.
Laugh alot and try not to be so serious, maybe just maybe they actually find something interesting about you, and if not, so what, does it really matter?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 April 2014):
 Because I am such a handsome guy, women (AND, some men) often/usually stare at me. I believe it's because they are Mesmerized by my handsomeness......
Rather than take offense, I am flattered. How delightful that they notice this well-crafted body, that I work so fitfully to develop and maintain.... that my jawline is described as the man-equivalent to Farrah Fawcett's.... Some, I swear, notice that I've washed and brushed my hair...
To those who seem worthy of my attention... I occasionally engage them in conversation.... and, sometimes - almost rarely - I note to them that I look even better "in the flesh".... and would they like to get a peek (Women only, for this offer!!!!!)....
OK.... so I get slapped, once in a while.... AND I've been asked to leave a few of the popular watering holes around here.... Fact is...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2014):
 well for me I would smile and wave a tiny little wave at them... it will make them uncomfortable enough to turn away.
I guess folks do it to me too but I've never noticed...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): its up to you , if you want to start a argument or a discussion . stare back , or say what are you looking at ? or give them a smile and flirt . but if you don't want to do anything do what we all do just ignore them .
People always stare , creeps , day dreamers , etc
its up to you how you want to respond .
I either ignore them or just say Hello in a polite way .. the usually say HI back and stop staring
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2014):
 I usually just take notice of it, and decide to not talk to that person because I don't like rude and toxic people in my life.
If it was done repeatedly by the same person I would stare them in the eyes in return and arch my eyebrow at them. Or ask "Excuse me, may I help you?". Because most times people think no one notices they do this, so pointing it out will be enough to make them embarrassed.
But then again, I really have a no-nonsense attitude, and if I don't like how people treat me I have very few hesitations about dropping them/ignoring them/not talking to them. You on the other hand, are non confrontational... whereas I love the confrontation. So you might have a problem just ditching people over their behaviour. But I would advice you to just ignore them. Or, if you dare, look back at them, right in the eyes, and hold the stare until they look down. That's animal language, but also work on humans, and it basically means: I win, you lose.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (3 April 2014):
 If you go out into the world and assume that everyone who looks at you is judging you, it's going to be a pretty miserable life for you.
People will look at you, firstly because you are 'there' in their field of vision. If they never met you before, they won't know that you are hyper sensitive to looks and stares, they won't know that it offends you because they cannot read your mind.
Sometimes people stare because they have fixed their gaze whilst they are thinking about something completely unrelated. You will often hear that if you ask someone
'Are you staring at me?'
and they say 'Oh no sorry I was thinking about something else'
I don't know you at all but from the way you write, you come over as a little aggressive and anxious, so perhaps you have a lot of avoidance in your personality...who knows? we can only go on your words.
Do you actually like being around people or can you really only tolerate them when they are acting the way you think they should?
Are you completely happy with yourself as a person?
Do you project an image that others can respond to warmly?, like being friendly and light hearted or are you quite edgy?
All these things make a difference to how you see other people and how they react to you. If you arn't getting the reaction you want, then perhaps something needs to change?...like your surroundings or your outlook on life.
If you feel you 'have to deal' with people, it suggests that you cannot brush stuff off easily or ignore insignificant nuances...that must be very tiring to have to live with. You also seem to see 'suggestion' as 'criticism' and maybe other people see that in you and would rather not have to 'deal with it'.
Your comment about 'not everyone being pretty or super confident' is true but it's also not a statement to beat yourself silly with.
I just get the feeling you arn't OK with yourself, so maybe the answer to your question lies there.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2014):
 Simple answer, no don't stare back. Ignore them.Pretend they do not exist.
If hese people stare is bad form, if you use bad form too... two wrongs don't make a right.
Plus, why do you want to give them the satisfaction to see that their stares and curiosity HURT you ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): Ok I get this all the time on my commute to work and back. Depending on my mood and depending on the person staring, I'll either ignore (e.g, if it's an aggressive looking male who might get verbal) or stare back so they get the message that I've clocked their staring. But that's just if I'm in a bad mood. Otherwise I'll simply ignore and get back to reading or looking out of the window.
I'm also guilty of staring at people myself (I find people watching quite interesting) and when I get noticed (when they stare back) I realise I've gone too far and stop looking. I stare when I find someone interesting in some way, not necessarily attractive or unattractive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): this is the poster
it is a simple question
I am not looking for criticism! I am a quite an average looing person, am no supermodel am not "cute" or "pretty" and though I do my best with what I have, in terms of clothing etc I still get stared at.
we cant all be pretty! and not all of us are super confident with our looks.
yes people can look wherever, my question was
do I stare back?
or say something? if so what?
don't want to cause an argument or be nasty back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): I'm sorry but people are free to use their eyes as they please. You look people up and down when you are approaching them.
I'm also sorry that it bothers you that way. If you're highly sensitive to it; that's really your problem to deal with. It may be rude, but it's really something you ignore; because it's not worth any response.
Anything you say or do is confrontational, and will be inviting more than just staring. Some people are just waiting for you to do or say something. Don't!
There is no law against it. It's just bad manners. If you stare back and lock eyes; they will normally just look away. Look down at your phone or find something to distract yourself. Turn your back, and walk the opposite direction.
Don't look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): People have odd staring habits. That up to down look can mean a lot of things. I myself am very straight faced in public. I do look people up and down sometimes just because I am walking through a crowd of mixed individuals. My expression hardly changes. I can see a guy or girl with a nice outfit and my expression will not falter. Same in terms of whether I think someone is beautiful or not....in my opinion. Best not to overthink people's actions. It is tiring and does nothing to improve self-esteem. If someone makes you uncomfortable by staring, walk away (though really the person staring should go away) or act normal. Or, you can say "Can I help you with something?" to get them to stop. However, there will be people who will give you bedroom eyes and see you as eye candy. Some will do it so obviously and disgustingly, you will want to spray lemon juice into their face.
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