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How should I react to this coversation between him and her?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 5 March 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Ok, so I am going out with an older man, he is 16 years older than me(me 30 he is 46), divorced no children,we get along really well,and he treats me super nice,he is a gentleman and much more,we don’t have a lot of time of being together,yet we feel so close.The point is that yesterday we were together and he was supposed to come pick me up at 4:00 pm but he came at 5, due to the fact he was looking at some apartments, when he finally came and picked me up, he was telling me all about it, then later at night he showed me the pictures of the apartment, it was a woman who was showing him the apartments and giving him all the detail.

so he was showing me the conversation, and this woman had send him one last text that said:”what r you doing”? an he replied in front of me ”I am with my girlfriend watching a movie”,and also this this woman had told him can you send me a picture of you (this was before they had met to go and see the 2 apartments, maybe it was to recognize him when they both got there, I really don’t know!) and so he send her a picture and then she send him a pic of her.

So know I am wondering is there something going on in all of this? or maybe this girl felt attracted to him, and wanted to go out with him? or he is hiding things. I feel he has been to nice with me, and this also scares me in a way, I mean is it normal that a man is always super nice, taking a girl to restaurants and treating her like a princess so FAST!! what are your thoughts! or behind all this nice,sweet gentleman there is something bad?

View related questions: divorce, older man, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018):

The fact she texted him "What are you doing" after the showings is highly suspicious. Period.

Not to mention the exchanging of pictures. Also suspicious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018):

You've been together a short time and you're already seeing his true colours. If you are already questioning him, your gut is telling you something is wrong with him. Listen to it before it's too late.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (2 March 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntDid you ask your boyfriend about any off this? Honestly it doesn't sound like he is up to anything. He texted in front of you which makes me think he has nothing to hide. She asked for a picture probably so they both knew who to look for if meeting in a pubic place. Did she like him? Well only she knows that. It does sound to me like you are insecure and you don't think you deserve to be treated well by a man. You should work on your confidence issues.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntNope, re-read it... you are right Ycnbs - the pictures was before...

My mistake.

I have only dealt with real estate agents where we FIRST met in the office before doing house showings. Even with our current rental.

If she HAD NOT met him in person first - in the office, it was probably for safety reasons and thus less weird.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2018):

It doesn't matter whether the texts were exchanged after the showings. Although the fact they were sent AFTER is much more damning. The fact they were sent at all means he opened the door for her. She walked thru. Time to move on before he breaks your heart. Trust me sweetie.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 March 2018):

Honeypie agony aunt @ Youcannotbeserious

The text conversation and sending of pictures back and forth happened AFTER the showings... so it wasn't for safety reasons. (which could have made sense)

At least that is how the post explain it.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (2 March 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI can understand her wanting a photograph before meeting him (search Suzy Lamplugh and see what can happen to loan females showing people round properties). She may have forwarded the photograph on to a friend/colleague "just in case". Nothing weird about that in my book. She could have just been protecting herself. Not sure why she needed to send him a photograph of her, but maybe she had a reason.

Your boyfriend was not hiding anything from her. He made her aware he had a girlfriend. Presumably, now that he has seen the properties, he needs no further contact with her (except in a totally professional capacity). If he needs to see them again, perhaps you should offer to go with him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2018):

He is a player. He was flirting with the real estate agent. Otherwise she would never have felt comfortable enough to text him "what are you doing" and "send me your picture."

He gave her THE GREEN LIGHT. DUMP HIM.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018):

Sounds like a lady's man to me. She was behaving unprofessionally; and assuming he's single, she was putting in her dibs on what she thought was an available guy. After all, he's looking for a a single's apartment; and if they're upscale or very nice, he's financially-secure. Mature, single, and successful! I'm sure he turned on the charm!

In your presence he told her he was with his girlfriend; but sending her a pic after they'd seen each other all afternoon. That was...strange?!! I'd say they were flirting right there under your nose.

It seems you and he are going out, but it's not official. He called you his "girlfriend;" but sending his picture to another woman means he must have meant that "figuratively."

He apparently didn't inform this young woman that he was seeing someone, or had a girlfriend. So she presumes they should exchange pics. I can't think of a reason a real-estate agent would ask you to send your picture if you've already met. I can't see any reason to do it ever. Oh, there is one. I think you're hot!

Ask him if that makes any sense to him? See what kind of response he would have for being asked to do such a thing. I'm curious to know. I would also be curious as to why he complied? You're sitting right there!

I'd pump the brakes a bit! Try and figure him out, before attaching any more feelings. He can still be a nice guy; but I smell the scent of a player. Proceed with caution.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2018):

Maybe this woman approaches her male customers with a little bit of enticement and female charm to encourage them to buy her apartments. Don't make a big issue out of it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntThat is the weirdest thing ever!

Did you ask him WHY she would needs a photo and why he sent her one? He was LOOKING to rent/buy a place nothing more, correct?

I would ask him because it makes no sense why she'd need his photo OR send him hers. That is ABSURD if they had already met in person and she "needed" to photo to recognize him when meeting to show him the places - and he CERTAINLY doesn't need pictures of her.

So yes, this warrant a few questions because that is just weird.

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A female reader, louiselistens United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2018):

louiselistens agony auntHi anonymous writer,

We all get a little insecure at times, especially in the beginning of a relationship. It does sound like this woman might be attracted to your boyfriend and why shouldn't she be? You make him sound wonderful. However, her being attracted to him does not necessarily mean you have anything to worry about.

He messaged her in front of you, where you could see, telling her he was with you, on a date. That doesn't sound like a man who has anything to hide. That sounds like someone who is honest and feels secure in his relationship with you. He might not even be aware how this woman (may) be feeling about him.

If you still feel concerned, have an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling, but do it gently. Attacking him for having a conversation with another woman will only make him defensive and closed off. Honest dialog is needed. The hallmark of a great relationship is the ability to discuss anything with each other openly.

Best wishes,

louiselistens

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