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How long do you wait for a man to propose?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 November 2021) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2021)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

How long should you wait for a man to propose before accepting that it is not going to happen and move on?

I'm in my early 30s and my partner is 40s wee have been together for almost 3 years now. I would say he is a good partner, good to my kid too. I have never been married and he hasn't either, I have a kids and he never has. If that is relevant, wee don't live together even though that's something I'd like to change but I don't know how without him feeling pressure, so never brought it up, I have hoped a few times with Christmas, birthday, valentines and even on a holiday over the past year he might ask me to be more than his girlfriend, unfortunately not happend. I haven't said anything to him or even hinted. Again I don't want him to do it because he is feeling pressure. Surely if he thinks it is the next step for us he would, prompts would just make it happen because I asked not that he felt it for himself surely?

I want to get married, settle into family life and all that Jazz, yes wee do things as a family with my kid and he's brilliant in a lot of ways but of course wee not married so not really official as one. Should I just accept that he doesn't want that and leave the relationship.

I don't even think if I did I'd tell him that's the reason because again if he proposed after that it would just be because it's forced not that he is really wanting too.

There's the factor of i am in my 30s now and I getting older, I don't want to waste more time in a relationship that hasn't moved forward. I see my friends around me getting engaged and married and I'm over the moon for them but there's that part that makes me sad that my partner hasn't. Truth it hurts he hasn't, Should I accept it is never coming and leave?

View related questions: christmas, engaged, move on

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (29 November 2021):

I can't imagine why you feel like you can't even ask the man you love for what you want. Talk to him before strangers on the internet... There's a difference between asking or talking about something and pressuring him.

I think most guys would prefer to be unmarried. If the woman doesn't bring it up and he doesn't think he has to do it to keep her happy he probably won't.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (29 November 2021):

kenny agony auntI think that communication is key here, he has no idea of what your ideas and aspirations are regarding the future of your relationship, for all we know he might be thinking the same, but is holding out because he thinks you are happy as things are.

Maybe might be best to set up home together, at least this is a step in the right direction, and could potentially lead on to marriage. Also living with someone will also tell you if you are compatible and work well together as a couple when the more mundane things are brought into play, such as cooking, cleaning, and bills.

Also in this day and age i don't think it looks to out of place for a woman to propose to a man, its not frowned upon like it was years ago.

As i say, communication is key here, if you don't have this conversation with him you will never know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021):

It has been my experience that if years go by and a man doesn't even discuss marriage; he's happy with the things as they are. Some guys just want a perpetual-girlfriend, or what some call a wifey (a faux wife, in a faux marriage.) He has all the benefits of having a wife, without any legal-attachments; and can just pull-up stakes, and run when he doesn't want it anymore. No hassles from a divorce.

This is your goal and expectation of the relationship. You have to make that known to him, and ask him how long you should wait for his proposal? You are in what I call the "make-it or break-it" phase. Committed faithfully for 3-5 years. It either culminates in marriage and a family; or you'll stay as you are, for as long as he wants to be in it.

How long, is however long you're willing to wait.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021):

Ask him ,before making decisions.You can propose - it's you that strongly wish to get married. Pressure? Oh I doubt that your bf ( or any other man, as for that )would say yes to a marriage proposal that is not of his liking just to be accomodating or polite or to not hurt your feelings. It may be that ,for whatever reason, marriage was not in his list of priorities- but that does not mean he would refuse to consider it once he knows it is very important to you ( which he does not know yet ). And if he says no ? If he is adamant about not getting married ?..Then you know that you are not on the same page ,and that ,if you stay with him, this is a goal which you won't reach.*Then * you can decide what to do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 November 2021):

Honeypie agony auntFirst, OP, HE CAN NOT read your mind. You need to talk to him.

I'd say AT LEAST live together first, you might realize that this is or isn't the guy for you.

You don't have to put pressure on him (so to speak) but ask him if he has considered living together with you and your child as a family. If marriage is something he would want. These are normal "relationship questions". Especially after 3 years.

So have that talk, then figure out where you stand and where you are going.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021):

It this about having a big fancy expensive celebration and showing off? Or is it about having a piece of paper and a ring? Do you honestly think the relationship moves on because of it? It rarely does. If a relationship is right it works out with or without those things. If you want kids with this guy and you want them within a married relationship fine, but otherwise why is marriage so important and how does it really improve things? Plenty get married and still end up separated and then divorced. Who is to say you will meet another guy you like a lot, who is right for you and who wants to marry you? You could throw this guy aside and end up worse off. When women go on and on about how their guy must marry them they sound like second class citizens. As if the guy is a great catch and would be doing them a huge favour, and they are nothing till he has done it.

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