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Is she having second thoughts about us ? Cant understand why all of a sudden she is so distant ??

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 September 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2006)
A male United States, *old4this writes:

My girl is giving me the cold shoulder, why?

We have been dating for three months, and things have progressed very fast. We both agreed that the way it was going was fine. I'll be honest, I fell in love with her and we have already been talking about our future together. Again, I made sure that I wasn't going too fast for her. I truly believe she is in love with me too. Recently we spent about two solid weeks straight with each other. Although I realize everyone needs a little space, I can't get enough of her. Literally over night the other day she started giving less attention and kinda was a little cold. I figured that I needed to give her some breathing room, so I took off so she could spend time with her friend. I had to work out of town. My job,though, brought me to a motel 2 miles from where she was staying last night. By the way, we live 300 miles apart, but I see her every week. I was going to leave for home the next morning and who knows when i'll be back. So I thought she would maybe want to see me if at least for a little while. She said, well I'm gonna stay over here tonight and probably tomorrow too. And everytime I talk to her she seems different. Do I need to give her a good break from me, which I don't understand, or is she holding my life in her hands, thinking whether she should cut the rope?

View related questions: fell in love

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):

Toria agony auntAlot of women don't realise that men do worry about things like this and that they need just as much reassuring and confirmation that they are loved, missed and wanted as us women do.

Hang in there and try not to push her, things sound likeshe doesn't want to lose you.

Good luck :o)

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A male reader, 2old4this United States +, writes (28 September 2006):

2old4this is verified as being by the original poster of the question

2old4this agony auntthis is the guy. Thank you all for the advice. I talked to her today and I'm pretty sure it's the space thing. She knows it's my daughters bithday and she keeps wanting me to go see her in VA. I do want to do that anyway, but I think she just wants me to get away from worrying about her for a while. I'll probably see her next weekend and everything will be fine. All I know is a man in love is needy and needs to be told daily that you love them and miss them..., even if maybe you don't miss them THAT much.

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A female reader, Donnah +, writes (27 September 2006):

Donnah agony auntCommunication is key in any relationship. Tell her that you feel like you've suffocated her and that if that is so you'll give her the space and time she needs. Sometimes if you give them space without telling them, they'll think you've lost interest or are seeing someone else.

Space is good. If I spent two weeks straight with my husband...well, I too will definitely need a breather! LOL

The flames of passion can be quickly extinguished if you do not care for it properly. You need to nourish that flame. Here's a metaphor: If you barbecue chicken on top of the first flame your chicken will burn. The inside is not even cooked. You need to first wait and ensure the fire is burning into the coals; once the coals are red hot they produce an ash coat on the coals then it is time to put the chicken on the grill and cook it ever so slowly managing the heat, turning the chicken over...basting it. The outside is not burning, the inside is cooked. Viola! Perfecto barbecue!

Love is not something you jump into otherwise you get burned. Set your foundation. Then build on that. Some women need the courtship. Courtship is continuous by the way.

Tell her your feelings, your intentions and ask what she would like. If she wants to take it slow, then that is great. The anticipation of being together is intoxicating!

Eventually you'll come to spend more time with eachother and you could get over the "best foot forward" stage and truly see eachother for who you are...and still love eachother. That is unconditional love.

Let me know how it goes.

Take care,


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A female reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):

Toria agony auntI would think she probably needs a little bit of space as you've spent alot of time together recently and although you both agreed you was happy with the speed things were going at in three months you have both gone from single and free to do what you want to in each others pockets,

Give her some breathing space and time to herself and with her friends and hopefully from that she will come back as she was before.

I would let her know how you feel and tell her you don't want to lose her but understand everyone needs some time to themselves and that you aren't ending the relationship just giving her some breathing space to spend sometime with her friends.

Good luck, hope everything works out :o)

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