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*old4this agony aunt

*old4this

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*old4this's profile:

I am a male age 41. I reside in the US. I am married for several years and have experience dealing with young love in a deep emotional manner. I believe that the majority of people under the age of 30 have had the same types of problems in relationships. Experienced advice helps because it helped me.

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Does a woman just have to suck it up when their husbands refuse to grow?

Q.   I have been married for twenty years and at the time of marrying my husband he was never one to express his feelings much. At the time I had a couple of young children and we also went on to have more . Life was extremely busy and this met both our ...

A.   26 May 2020: I'm going to be frank with you, I think some of this is your fault. Not his behavior, but waiting so long and hoping it would change without taking some kind of action. I don't mean divorce, but some kind of therapy or something to get dialogue ... (read in full...)

What's atttactive? And how do you cope if you feel unattractive all the time?

Q.   I know this probably gets to be an old topic on here, but I'm going to talk about it, anyhow. It's about not liking the way I look. (I know, eye roll). The thing that makes my situation unusual is, it's not that I don't have attractive features. I ...

A.   19 April 2013: I am not a woman and I hope some helpful ones can answer this for you. I will give you my 2 cents though. I saw just a few days ago a story on perception of looks. Something you understand as you stated. But a persons attitude and the way they feel ... (read in full...)

My Girlfriend Wants to Sleep With a Guy at Work, What to Do?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend got together young - she was 17 at the time and we have been together 9 years and I'm more in love with her now than i have ever been. A few months ago i started to get the feeling that she was thinking about being wit...

A.   21 February 2013: No, you do not love each other 100%. Who does this and is happy in their current relationship? Actually she admitted she wasnt happy. So break up for gosh sake. This is ridiculous. Life is too short to let someone walk all over you. If you had done ... (read in full...)

I think that this guy's comments about paying me to have sex with him were completely uncalled for!

Q.   Hello I am happily married and middle aged and work with a group of girls in health care, There is one guy who also works with us, he is a flirty joking type. One of the girls at work likes him and hits on him a lot. Yesterday evening he m...

A.   6 February 2013: Excuse me, So Very Confused. I am 38 and struggling with finding work so the comment of someone who is 45 should be well established is kinda rude. The work force is very very hard to break into and hold on to now. ... (read in full...)

Should I stay with my current boyfriend or return to my playboy ex?

Q.   I met this guy over the Internet. We started talking and we ended up falling head over hills for eachother. As we started to become more serious we started to be open about our relationship. I told my friends and then my family. My family disappro...

A.   4 January 2013: How about neither. If the guy you're with can't give you what you need then you should drop him. At the same time you shouldn't go back to the other guy because, no offense, I think your family might be right. Have you ever heard of the term ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend arranged for his 4 year old daughter to live with us without talking to me first

Q.   I am a 24 year old dating a wonderful 32 year old man. I've known from the beginning that he has a 4 year old daughter from an ex- girlfriend. We live in Colorado, and the daughter lives with her mother in Florida. My borfriend visits his daughter ...

A.   4 January 2013: You are going to have to tell him what you just told us and probably tell him to move out if his daughter comes and stays. Sounds to me like he thinks your relationship is at a much more advanced level than you do. Which brings me to the fact that ... (read in full...)

I need her to be in my life and I want her as a lover.... 

Q.   Iam 22 and iam madly in love with a girl ever since i completed my schooling, that zeros into almost 8 years. I never even thought of any other girl as my wife or my girfriend, in short i never had a real life apart from this. I used to go wherever ...

A.   18 September 2012: Sometimes when we love someone we believe that if we are always there professing our love for them that one day they will see us as the one for them. They will realize that they love us and how great we are and how much we love them. Un... (read in full...)

What do you guys think of the situation?

Q.   I met a guy online and we've been out on three dates. But he hasn't really tried to kiss me so I'm finding it hard to decide if he's even all that into me. We've held hands the during the last two dates but that has been the extent of the touching. ...

A.   6 September 2012: He may have gotten his heart broken too much and is taking it really slow. Whatever the reason, I think you probably at least need to let him know that you really like him if you do.... (read in full...)

Student/teacher relationship??

Q.   My personal fitness coach at my high school is close in age with her students and is an attrative woman. Theres one student in her class,a senior male, and they are always together, the teacher and the student. If we need partners in the class they ...

A.   6 September 2012: Well this certainly does sound a bit inappropriate. At the very least some other teacher should talk to the gym teacher and make sure nothing is going on, for both their sakes. However, it very well could be that the student has found someone to ... (read in full...)

My younger brother has NO concept of money!

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles, I really need your help. I'm here because I'm completely out of ideas regarding my younger brother and his spending habits. His last text to me ("I spent $200 on dinner last night") was the final straw. He is 21 and still in ...

A.   23 December 2011: Not to ratt myself out but I was spoiled like that myself. Not to that extent but I have an older brother that used to complain to my parents about me getting everything I wanted while he worked for it. He had a point and as I got older I slowly ... (read in full...)

This relationship is starting to confuse me!

Q.   i've been talking to this girl for a couple of months now. we both got out of really crappy relationships and things moved at a very rapid pace. it wasn't intentional or planned, it just kind of naturally happened that way. she even told me she ...

A.   2 August 2011: See, women just as crazy as men, LOL. I'm just playin. Anyway my current wife was the same way when we were dating. I love her but I stuck around when I should have left. We did split up for a while because she wasn't done being a kid, running ... (read in full...)

My ex has been contacting me but I don't know her intentions.

Q.   I won't get into great detail about how me and my ex broke up after a 5 year relationship. I got an earlier post if anyone wishes to read on that. Just that she began liking someone else around March during the time she was still in a relationship ...

A.   31 July 2011: Women are like apes swinging through a jungle. They never let one vine go before grabbing another. Quite simply she doesnt have another guy yet and is still trying to loosely hold onto you. You are her backup guy. Don't be that. Tell her your moving ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want to love again, but he does want sex

Q.   How should i act when i see him at work tommorow? he just wants sex? I really like this guy at work. He stares at me when am not looking and am the only girl he chats to at work. I thought he was sweet. So I gave him my number. We got chatt...

A.   31 July 2011: Yes, move on. And don't try to bait him or force him into dating you. It will only hurt you later.... (read in full...)

Is it normal not to want sex? And to prefer a relationship without it?

Q.   To be short and blunt, sex doesn't interest me at all. I thought it did but it was just me being hung up on being a virgin. Once I got past this barrier, sex just doesn't appeal to me. Is this normal and is there any way to have a relationship ...

A.   30 July 2011: Hmm. I saw your reply and it's interesting. You do get aroused by women and you have masturbated yet you say sex with the women who arouse you is not interesting. You say you would find it too much trouble. I would say before you close the door on ... (read in full...)

Will I ever meet someone who won't cheat on me?

Q.   My boyfriend and I just broke up two days ago. Prior to this we were having some problems, but we talked about it and things seemed to get better.Three nights ago was our anniversary,he never gets weekends off from work, but he requested off. At thw ...

A.   26 July 2011: Look, if he had a problem with you then he should have told you about it. Instead he did the cowardly thing and went behind your back hoping you would never know. Everyone feels the way you are feeling after what you just went through. It's because ... (read in full...)

I have a boyfriend but am crushing on a friend. Do I act on it?

Q.   So I'm in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. We love each other and don't ever plan to break up. However, I've had a crush on one of his friends from school for longer than I've been with my boyfriend, and it's really been ...

A.   26 July 2011: Every now and then, a person who is in a commited relationship is tested by other people. That person first has to ask themselves if it is really worth losing what I already have to go after or try something else? If you find yourself in a situation ... (read in full...)

Why is arrogance so appealing? Should I become more arrogant?

Q.   Hi! I m a 25yr old, have average looks, good physique, sound financial position, and have a good behaviour(as people around me say). I never disgrace someone, never think anyone is inferior to me, never show off my attitude to anybody. Some of ...

A.   26 July 2011: There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Unfortunately it gets blurred sometimes and you cant tell the difference. Women, for instance, like a confident man. Someone who goes after what he wants. Sometimes women see a guy basically ... (read in full...)

I just want to understand why is he happy and I'm miserable?

Q.   For a year I was with a man that I was absolutely in love with. From the beginning there were red flags such as an occasional night of drugs, a recent divorce, little white lies. But then we talked, moved in together, and things seemed to be ...

A.   25 July 2011: He is happy because he does whatever he wants to do and he still has the things he wants. He lost his job but he has another. Apparently he still has you when he wants. He gets to do drugs, get with other women, party with friends, and when he feels ... (read in full...)

How can I give her the message I don't want to be friends?

Q.   I have this friend, lets call her E, that went off the deep end this year. It wasn't drugs/alcohol or anything like that. She turned into a total dork and just stopped being a good friend. She would freak out over small things and then when someone ...

A.   25 July 2011: LOL, you tell her girl. Clearly if you were a bully you wouldn't have asked for help on how to deal with her you would have just given her the boot and not cared. ... (read in full...)

I think I'm a pathological liar..how do I fix this?

Q.   I think i might be a patholgical liar. Its not like i make up complete stories, but i constantly manipulate stories and tell lies. Like for example, this past week i was with my cousins and my one guy cousin whose close to my age saw me with my ...

A.   25 July 2011: I agree with you birdy. Im just saying that you only came off as bashing her and offered no solution to her problem. Like she said, she already new she was wrong. She just wanted some help with it. But hey, people raise there kids in different ways ... (read in full...)

How can I give her the message I don't want to be friends?

Q.   I have this friend, lets call her E, that went off the deep end this year. It wasn't drugs/alcohol or anything like that. She turned into a total dork and just stopped being a good friend. She would freak out over small things and then when someone ...

A.   24 July 2011: Well as long as you have come to this conclusion on your own and not because other people have told you too. Remember she has feelings too and you dont want to hurt her feelings but if you truly cant deal, then just sit down with her the next chance ... (read in full...)

I think I'm a pathological liar..how do I fix this?

Q.   I think i might be a patholgical liar. Its not like i make up complete stories, but i constantly manipulate stories and tell lies. Like for example, this past week i was with my cousins and my one guy cousin whose close to my age saw me with my ...

A.   24 July 2011: Hey Birdy. The "ya dufus" was meant more as an lol tounge and cheak thing. This is anon by the way, got no problem using my real call name. Didnt mean to check the box, I havent been on here in a while. Anyway I am a father of a 12 yr old and if... (read in full...)

Why are so many women so selfish? Even the great ones we love dearly!

Q.   MY question is why do women expect us men to give them everything and anything they want that makes them happy, but they won't give us the simplest thing to make us happy; a blow job!? We go to all sorts of lengths, taking an interest in your...

A.   22 July 2011: Hey everyone. I think he's just saying that if she wants to make him the most happy, give him a BJ. He does what makes her the most happy because she wants it, even if it is displeasing to himself. There just comes a point when you say to yourself ... (read in full...)

Will it be possible to have sex and get married after a sex change?

Q.   Can a boy after sexchange converted to complete woman. After that can she fulfil her desire of being woman and establish sexual relation with another male friend and become his wife?...

A.   22 July 2011: I can't tell you that it will be as easy to do as anyone else. But when is falling in love ever easy to do? I've heard some transgendered people say that the first thing you do is tell them about yourself. If they care about you as a person they ... (read in full...)

Is it normal not to want sex? And to prefer a relationship without it?

Q.   To be short and blunt, sex doesn't interest me at all. I thought it did but it was just me being hung up on being a virgin. Once I got past this barrier, sex just doesn't appeal to me. Is this normal and is there any way to have a relationship ...

A.   22 July 2011: Well, I would have to say that it is rather not normal especially for someone your age. And to be honest, it would be hard if not impossible to have an ongoing relationship with someone without sex becoming an issue unless you happen to find someone ... (read in full...)

Why does she stay in this unhealthy relationship?

Q.   Okay. There's this girl who is in a relationship for 5 years with her bf. She tells me her relationship is unhealthy. Her guy is very possessive, she got hurt by him emotionally many times and he has made her cry before. She admits she has on and ...

A.   27 July 2010: For one, if she really wanted to leave him she would. She hasn't hit that " I can't take it anymore " point in her relationship. She obviously loves him for who knows what reason, but she does. My advice is to back off some and let her be for now. ... (read in full...)

Can you have a healthy, committed relationship without sex?

Q.   Is it possible to have a healthy, loving, committed relationship without sex? I am 25, and I have had two serious boyfriends -- the longest relationship lasting for a year and a half -- and several shorter relationships. I do not date anyone ...

A.   27 July 2010: In 1996 there was a 73 year old woman who suddenly startind having a sex drive of an 18 year old. At first it seemed fine. Eventually her husband asked her to see a doctor because it was effecting there lives. She agreed, even though she was happy. ... (read in full...)

Can a doctor tell by physical exam if a person has engaged in anal sex?

Q.   Can a doctor tell by physical exam that a person engages or has engaged in anal sex?...

A.   19 June 2010: The most they could tell was that maybe something had stretched the walls in the rectal area, but whether it was sex or not they couldn't say unless you told them. Besides, they would have to specifically examine that are well to even begin to tell ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him?

Q.   I'm twenty-one years old. On my spring break vacation my friends and I met this cool group of guys, including "Joe." I was also hanging out with another guy I met, "Mike." Mike was the one I was "in love" with all week. Joe was cool- I spent one of ...

A.   18 June 2010: I cant see it mattering to him what you did with someone else when you two werent together yet. Yea you were talking with Joe, but I cant think that he would think you werent dating around at all. I'm sure he liked a few others at the time two. He ... (read in full...)

Her parents don't think I'm good enough!

Q.   Hey guys, I have one complicated love situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for several years now. We love each other a lot. However, there exists a problem with her parents. There are two main reasons that they don't accept me as bel...

A.   18 June 2010: The only thing you can do is prove them wrong over time. If you are doing the best you can and you are both happy, then the rest will work itself out. As far as how she is dealing, she will have to do the same as you. Do the best she can. It ... (read in full...)

Does sex really matter in a relationship?

Q.   I had a boyfriend when I was college. We lasted for almost two years but nothing sexual happened to us. In short, I am still a virgin. Then, I had a boyfriend again but I didn't allow him to have sex with me. Then, the third boyfriend, same story. ...

A.   12 June 2010: Abstinence before marraige is fine. I didn't do it but i respect it. But if you want close relationships as you get older you will notice it's harder to find closeness in relationships, at least long term ones, without sex. If the person you are ... (read in full...)

What do I do about my friend's husband who crosses boundaries?

Q.   My old roommate and I still talk and have fun when we hang out together. She's married and right now her hubby is away on business, so I get to see her a little more. When her husband comes back in September she wants to have a "welcome back" party ...

A.   12 June 2010: I think you are blowing this out of proportion a little. I think you just let her know that you don't really like that kind of playin around with her husband and that it makes you uncomfortable. If she is any kind of friend she will understand. But ... (read in full...)

Husband cheated and says I treat him like a convict

Q.   I am married with 2 kids aged 2 and 6. My husband frequents pubs and night clubs with his friends. I accidentally discovered that my husband paid and slept with the pub hostress after he got high and drunk. He promised not to drink again and will ...

A.   11 June 2010: There is a debate here only your own heart can settle. The people in here are mostly destroying this guy and yes he is on probation. But you are the one to decide if he is worth trying to work it out or not. All these "you should toss this loser" ... (read in full...)

Nice Guys, my boyfriend is too nice, my husband is too nice

Q.   So...I just want to open this space for discussion between men and women husbands and wives girlfriends and boyfriends about what it means when a man is being "too nice" or is a "Nice Guy" and how it makes both men and women feel...there are a lot ...

A.   7 June 2010: I will say that there is something to women saying what they want but really wanting something else. Yes, they want a nice guy. But that is not the most important thing. If you are a sweet guy that treats them well, you will probably lose out to the ... (read in full...)

Husband cheated and says I treat him like a convict

Q.   I am married with 2 kids aged 2 and 6. My husband frequents pubs and night clubs with his friends. I accidentally discovered that my husband paid and slept with the pub hostress after he got high and drunk. He promised not to drink again and will ...

A.   7 June 2010: If you want to continue a marraige with him, then you have to make yourself forgive him. You just have to choose to trust him one day. Thats often the problem after someone cheats in a relationship. If you take the person back then it means you have ... (read in full...)

what age is to old when it comes to the matters of the heart?

Q.   hello everyone.. okay for the year i have been talking to this guy. I am really feeling him. I am 22 and he is 41. Now my question is what age is to old when it comes to the matters of the heart? Also i told my close family about the new man in m...

A.   7 June 2010: Well, I think the biggest issue they may have is that they don't understand how a man his age could possibly have anything in common with someone your age. I think that they are concerned that the main interest he would have in you is more of a ... (read in full...)

I feel more comfortable dressing like a guy

Q.   Hi. Um, I hope this question is appropriate for this kind of forum, but it's the only site I can really find that seems reliable. Anyway... I'm confused. I'm a 19 year old girl and consider myself as such. I have crushes on boys, though I've only...

A.   7 June 2010: Well, I would say that you are a little confused about your sexual identity. There are plenty of straight people out there that are similar. My fiance is one. She only wears things like dresses on occasions when she has to be at a fancy event around ... (read in full...)

I feel more comfortable dressing like a guy

Q.   Hi. Um, I hope this question is appropriate for this kind of forum, but it's the only site I can really find that seems reliable. Anyway... I'm confused. I'm a 19 year old girl and consider myself as such. I have crushes on boys, though I've only...

A.   7 June 2010: Well, I would say that you are a little confused about your sexual identity. There are plenty of straight people out there that are similar. My fiance is one. She only wears things like dresses on occasions when she has to be at a fancy event around ... (read in full...)

Is it relatively normal to be doing this in a relationship?

Q.   I have a girlfriend that I love a lot and would never heat on her. I've never even thought about it or anything like that. I feel guilty now if I watch porn, or masturbate thinking of someone else. Should I be feeling guilty or is it still ...

A.   2 June 2010: Hey, no worries mate! Everythings fine. The only time I do it is when me girls not around either. It's normal.... (read in full...)

I want to end this relationship but don't want her to hate me

Q.   hi am currently in a relationship n am not happy its not the same as it used too be its the 3rd time that we have been out with each other bt this time is just different were both young but ive had enough but i dont want to break her /heart and her ...

A.   19 April 2010: Theres really nothing you can do to stop her from hurting over this if she really cares for you. If you take her to the side and just be honest with her about how you feel, then that would be best. Whether she will hate you or not I can't say. But ... (read in full...)

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