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He's being appropriate with me

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 March 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *rs07k writes:

I went on a date with a boy 2 weeks ago and we had a really good time. Afterward, we went back to my room and made out for a little and then he was the one that ended it and said he should go. A few days later, we talked and he told me that he didn't want a relationship because his last girlfriend really messed him up and that he still wanted to hang out. I said I was ok with that. I didn't speak to him for a week and things were sort of awkward between us. The other day we talked and had a really good conversation. I apologized for seeming overeager for a relationship and he said that I didn't seem that way and that he still wanted to "hang out/whatever". We're on spring break so I said, alright, give me a call when we get back to school. On our date we talked about hook ups and such and I told him that I didn't want to be anyone's hook up girl but now I'm slightly worried that that is what he wants. I'm not sure if he genuinely wants to hang out and get to know me better or he just thinks I'm cute and just wants me to be another girl he has sex with and is done with after that. I like him and I think he's a really nice guy. Things are kind of complicated because he's one of my best friend's brother. I'm leery of hanging out with him and having him just want to have sex or hook up. I'm not sure if I should ask him or just go with the flow and see how things turn out. I've made out with him twice now and neither time did he try anything with me besides kissing. He kept his hands in appropriate places and he is usually the one that ends it. What do I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

View related questions: best friend, friend's brother, kissing

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A female reader, ars07k United States +, writes (29 March 2009):

ars07k is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks so much you guys for the advice. We're stilling hanging out and stuff and he still isn't pressuring for sex. I appreciate it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

It sounds to me like he really likes you, and sees the potential for a relationship, but doesn't want to rush it. If he isn't pushing you to have sex with him (or go any further than kissing), I doubt it's just sex he's after. He probably just wants to get to know you better before making that decision (since it sounds like the last time he made that decision it was with the wrong girl).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

What's the point of hanging out with him when he already told you it's not going anywhere? You say you don't want to be anyone's hookup but if you keep kissing him and one thing leads to another that's exactly what you'll be. He won't see you as a girlfriend under those circumstances. Tell him it's too bad he doesn't see this going anywhere because you think he's really a nice guy and then keep your actions platonic. When and if he changes his mind about relationships, you can then hang out with him without those leery feelings. Otherwise, you are just going to be that hookup girl.

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A female reader, Good Girl United States +, writes (14 March 2009):

Good Girl agony auntSteady as he goes. It sounds like everything is OK as long as you stop worrying. Did you know that worrying ruins more blossoming relationships than car accidents, sharks and werewolves combined? Seriously, he is probably taking it slow to see what you are all about. If you keep a positive attitude, have fun (not just physical) and respect each other (which is what sounds like what is going on), you could find out that he's a great guy. Don't do anything sexual until you are sure that you are comfortable and trust him. That sounds like what he wants too.

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A female reader, luvy duvy United States +, writes (14 March 2009):

luvy duvy agony auntSee, i know your a girl, we make things soooooooooo frunkin complicated, when it is simple as hot dogs and fries.

Just talk to him, be very straight forward with your questions. Do you really like me or am I your cute little booty call? If he says no, then ask him...What am I too you? Then after that tell him WHY you thought you were his booty call.

Sorry I have a tendancy to ask questions backwards, sooo...before doing that. Start the conversation of with hi of course and then say I want to talk to's serious, if he doesn't seem interested or want to he isn't a great guy.

Just chill out and talk to him.

GOSH I should write a book about girls and boys, our wierd situations, short stories, and stuff.


Hey! Do me a favor by telling every girl you know that is having problems with a guy "JUST...TALK...TO...HIM!". Do your self a favor by taking the advice I told you to pass on. it...NOW!! YES, NOW!

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