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Guilt!

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Question - (17 March 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2009)
A female France age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Should you let things you have done with other guys when you thought you were in love make you feel guilty when you're with the person you really love?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009):

If he assumes you have probably had plenty of past sexual adventures but does not care or ask about it, then don't tell him anything.

But if you know something would probably affect him or hurt him, then he deserves to know. The more it would hurt him, the more he needs to know.

If you don't tell him and he finds out later anyway, this is much worse than if you told him now. MUCH, MUCH worse. (And it won't improve things if it doesn't come out until 20 years from now, it will make it worse.)

Men are not women. They don't have the same programmed reactions to sexual histories. Being decieved for years will hurt him much more than the act you were originally lying about, trust me. There is no solution to the emotional damage it does if you purposely decieve him and then the truth comes out later on. None. He can't decide to stop being hurt about it and it can't be reasoned away. It's not decisions, it's emotions.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2009):

Don't tell him. That may make you feel better for about a second but it would hurt him and as you say, that would cause problems. It's a pretty stupid thing to do.

When you are a little girl and all the guys are You Firsts - your first hold hands, your first kiss, your virginity etc - then you feel like you are going to be with them forever.

Unfortunately then you grow up and you realise that everyone has a past but it doesn't matter.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

jessica04 agony auntThe past makes your present. Never be afraid to love. Even if you fall out of love, those initial feelings were still genuine.

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A male reader, andrew loves hali United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

andrew loves hali agony auntno you should learn from your past live in the present, and plan for the future

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you.

I do feel horribly guilty though...as if I don't tell him, then I'm not being good enough to him, although I know that things in the past don't really matter, and if I brought it up it would only cause problems, not fix anything.

GAH.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009):

No. Just like life, you learn from your past experiences. Don't feel bad coz everyone has a past. Just learn from your past.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (17 March 2009):

Nope.

You learn from mistakes, you grow as a person.

Unless you are going to wait for marriage then you are going to have this problem.

It's part of growing up.

Good Luck!! xx

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