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Should I leave my husband and follow my heart?

Tagged as: Friends, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2009)
A female Canada age 41-50, *arlajoy writes:

When I was 16 I met one of my best friends Joey, I wasn't interested in dating anyone that summer so we just hung out even though he expressed feeling for me. We hung out all the time and our friend would just say "would you guys just admit your dating",

During senior year I met current partner. Slowly Joey and I drifted apart. A few yrs ago he came back into town for a friends wedding and I realized I had feelings for him, but didnt act on it out of fear and respect for my bf. Over the summer I got married and invited him to the wedding, he called me and wished me luck but said it would be to hard to watch me marry someone else because he loved me.

Just before christmas he moved back into town. We have been talking and I told him that I thought marring my husband might have been a mistake (I tink the both of us were in love with the thought of being in love and not with each other). Every time I see him I get all these emotions come over me and I think what if?. He is now currently living with a girl that he said he cannot see himself being with forver.

We both joke about leaving our partners and running away with each other and each time we hang out (which is happening more and more) we both admit its hard not to want to kiss or be with each sexual. I'm so cunfused? Does he really love me? Should I follow my heart and leave my husband?

View related questions: best friend, christmas, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009):

Follow your heart? Better translated as follow your desires to be infatuated once again (infatuation is NOT "true love"; real love begins when the initial starry-eyed phase wears off - as it always does - and you both get down to the business of making a life together with all its joys, pleasant surprises, ups and downs, disappointments, and REMAIN COMMITTED to the man you married!

You are playing with fire in thinking only of what YOU want, never mind your husband or the girl this ex-flame is living with. Give it up, devote yourself to your marriage and THEN you can be proud of having had the self-discipline to do the unselfish thing!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009):

You haven't been married that long and you and your husband are now out of the honeymoon stage, now you have a chance to build a real relationship and really know each other....the butterflies, sexual attraction you are feeling with Joey is true in any new relationship, and it goes away with time, each and every relationship goes through these stages.

So you would be throwing away a perfectly good man and marriage that is farther along than this new romantic fling you are currently having.....and you aren't thinking at all you are only caught up in your feelings.

Feelings come and go, but real love is a conscious decision to be a person worthy of love. Personally, I think Joey is playing you.....he has a girlfriend, he isn't ready to commit to forever is all, but he is with her because he wants to be......both of you are cheaters for even starting this.....and I think it shows a lot of immaturity because you aren't telling us any reason other than your sexual attraction to Joey why you think you love him.....in other words, dig a little deeper....do you want to risk losing your husband forever?

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A male reader, SimpleBloke United States +, writes (17 March 2009):

You need to think of your husband, you two commited your self to each other for a reason which must have been love. Joey is proberbly an adremallin rush from not seeing him all those years so I think you will get over him. I'm only 15 and when my parents broke up my Dad and I were heart broken and I don't think anyone deserves that pain.

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