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Explain to me what I am feeling with this new partner? Is it love or friendship?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 September 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2006)
A female , *ooltigger writes:

I have split up after being married for over 12 years. I can't tell If I am in love or just great friends with a new partner. Does love have to be that you would die if you did not see the person or can it just be that you enjoy their company but there is no great spark. I don't want to make another mistake in my life

View related questions: spark, split up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006):

Wow, Ariel, I really like that line from Bruce Lee. Excellent pick! 8]

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):

Toria agony auntSometimes it takes longer to love one person to the next, with some people love builds up as you get to know them, I think you need to start enjoying this relationship and try to stop worrying about whether it is love yet or not.

Good luck :o)

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A male reader, fallenman United Kingdom +, writes (27 September 2006):

fallenman agony auntLove is not an emotion nor is it a feeling, love is a movement of acceptance of another. Love is the reciprical vulnerability of intimacy (In To Me See).

Love also is not fully exposed in the early months or years of a relationship.

Love can be sacrificial but it is never a spark. The feeling of a great spark is purly emotional and as you have probably experienced it does not last long. Where as love can last forever.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006):

Does it have to be love when u start dating a new person? What can't 'love' be built up over time? I don't believe that love is an automatic thing that happens when two people come together.

That aside, you can be good lovers and great friends at the same time. They intertwine. Everyone has a different feeling/concept of what love is. As whimsical as some may be, and as passionate as others can be, the concept of love works on a spectrum.

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A female reader, Donnah +, writes (27 September 2006):

Donnah agony auntLove is not a feeling. The dynamics of a relationship is simple. Attraction is first, courting is next, dating and so forth.

Take your time! I was single for a few years before I remarried.

To NEED someone and to WANT someone are two different things.

The person you're with should not be like the air-you need to live. Remember it is a partnership. It is enhancement. It does not take away from you.

If you feel he is like air to you....step back and access yourself. Why are you with him? Are you needy or needing something?

Enjoying one's company is I believe a great direction to start with. Check it out. When you're old and grey...you better like his company! That's all you're gonna get. LOL

Attraction is important but sparks don't last long. Go for the long run, the bright red glowing coals. Keeps you warm longer!

Let me if that helps or not. I was in your shoes at one time, 12 years of marriage exactly. BTW, how long has it been since D-Day? Send me a follow up. This touches home for me. I am married now and this time not giving up so easily. Marriage is hard work these days!

Take care,

Donnah

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