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Does this man care?

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Question - (30 April 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 May 2017)
A female Ireland age 36-40, *eadwreckedR writes:

I recently returned back from Australia to Ireland to look after a sick relative. My WHV was almost up and I have plans to go back in the near future to some touring that I didn't get to do this time round. 3 months before returning I started a "no strings attached" thing with a guy I worked with waitressing. We became quite close as we saw each other almost every day. My last week there I was not working and he would ring me constantly telling me he misses me so much and that he wishes I wasn't going home. He also said he realised he cared about me a lot,which has never happened before with him. He even took me out to do the great ocean road for an amazing night together on my last week. He even brought me out to the airport to leave which he said he didn't want to do as he knew he would get emotional. Once or twice he has let the words "love u" slip out when saying goodbye to me on the phone,last time was when he rang me as I waited to board my plane after leaving him. He knew I toon it hard leaving him and he said the same. So anyway since I came home he's ringing me almost every day,even twice a day. We get on so well and we talk about everything. We are so open and honest with each other. The thing that's getting to me is that most time we talk he says he misses me and wants me bask and wants to marry me etc. But then sometimes we talk and he mentions a few times that we were "no strings attached". I'm confused because his actions and words say totally different but then he says things like this that have me thinking that he doesn't care. I know he does but why does he say this? Is he trying to convince himself that he doesn't really care? Or am I deluded into thinking that he actually does care?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntTalk to him and tell him how much he confuses you. It seems he doesn't know what he wants. Talking about marriage after three months off no strings attached is not great. Slow things down. Get to know each other more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017):

I would say he just wants a holiday without accomodation expense!

He needs to keep the love light burning to do this.

But he is reminding you that its a no strings thing.

If you want to put him up and carry on its up to you but dont take it to mean its a proprosal for anything more than a ho!iday romance again!

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (30 April 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSlow down! You barely know this guy, you're living on different continents, you started off with a no strings attached thing and now you're talking of marriage!

Put the brakes on for now and take some time to see how and where and how this goes. If he's serious about you then he'll do anything and I mean anything it takes, to be with you. If he's not, you'll know that too.

Give it time. Get to know him meanwhile and do a thorough background check on him so you know he is who he says he is. You can never be too sure in today's day and age.

Consider everything before you commit to him. Don't get conned or trapped into a bad situation. However, if it works out, you'll have a great story to tell the grandkids!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017):

I would like to edit one of my comments for better meaning:

"feelings are based on undefined feelings."

I should have said:

"Emotions are based on undefined feelings." We can be tremendously attracted to someone, but it doesn't have to be love. You don't really have to care to the degree you want something long-term and exclusive. He may simply enjoy the fling for what it is. "With no strings attached!"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017):

First of all, if someone 'slips' and says "I love you," don't take it seriously. Take it seriously when they purposely and most sincerely say it to your face, out-loud!

Slinging those words around by mistake or with ulterior motives is done far too often these days. I wish women would get a grip, and men would stop playing with those words. Another word tossed around far too recklessly around women is "marriage!" Women lose all sense of reason and you go nuts! Wedding bells ring in your ears and visions of wedding gowns dance over your heads!

The proof of what he says is in his actions behind them.

Not just some Hollywood moves that seem romantic and sappy gestures that a little-boy shows a little-girl in puppy-love. Grown-ups come right out and say what they mean and what we think. Leaving no doubt or confusion.

So, if this guy feels so much for you; wait and see if he'll come to you. We get so many posts where women get emotionally-attached in foreign countries; and they are the ones who have to give-up their lives, cultures, and jobs. They drop everything and relocate; or hang by an excruciating long-distance relationship for God knows how long.

He cares, but three months isn't really long enough to know how deeply. People get attached through whirlwind-romances during visits or vacations; and often the feelings are based on undefined feelings. When someone takes a risk and makes the ultimate sacrifice to pursue a relationship; it often ends in disappointment. I speculate you'd drop everything to go to him if he asked you to. Would he, for you? Yet to be determined.

Challenge his feelings. Lets see if he will go out of his way to come and visit you in Australia; and make an effort to maintain contact with you in-person. Let your feelings grow as he feeds them with proof and confirmation.

The more a man wants to see you and craves to be in your presence; the more he cares. Not by Skype, not by text messages, and phone calls. I mean he packs his bags, boards a plane, and comes for you. Not you always being the one flying back and forth at his convenience. That gets very costly and all your hard-earned money is spent trying to maintain love from a distance.

Don't get hooked on the L-word until it is said intentionally. Not as a slip of the tongue. People slip and say it because it's a habit (or what you want to hear) and would even accidentally end a business-call with the words. It's been said by a client to me, and it's a good laugh. I jokingly respond "me too!" Many times it's said in the heat of passion! Biggest mistake ever! Most inappropriately said on so many wrong occasions!

If he cares, let him prove it with his actions. Not just his words and teenage love-messages. Man-up and show it! Don't let yourself get all caught-up on a "maybe!"

Incidental/holiday romances happen sometimes; but you can't let those uncertain love-connections tie you up. The feelings might be tied purely to lust; because that was how this one started out.

I do hope otherwise, if that is what you are hoping for. If you're not sure, don't string him along just because you like the "idea of it!"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017):

How do you feel about him ..could you love him ?? Are you willing to move to be closer ?? If not don't waste each others time put it down to experience if you could move tell him how you feel.take a chance on love

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (30 April 2017):

Myau agony auntHi From the Hills in Sydney!!!

I would say that he does ant to be with you.

You need to be honest with him about what you want though.

Do you want a relationship with him is the real question.

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