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Am I unreasonable that I don't want my son to lie in bed all day?

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Question - (8 July 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 9 July 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

At 2pm today I told my husband that he should go and tell my son that it was time to get up out of bed and he said "To Do What?"

Am I unreasonable not to want him to lie in be all day?

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

First, I recall being that age and wanting to sleep later than my parents. Its just a fact of the age differences. People in their 40s dont usually sleep past 8am. In your teens, 11am is no problem. Just the way it is.

That said, the "for what" answer is BS. I recall when I was about 12 years old, my mom asked me what was wrong and I mistakenly said "Im bored." She replied - "Ok, we can fix that." She gave me some rags, a bucket, and a mop and said I needed to clean all three bathrooms in the house. That should help alleviate my boredom. Suprise - it sure did because after that I was never "bored" around my mom again.

Moral of the story - an idle mind and/or body is a presciption for problems, whether it be getting into trouble or being "bored." I had a job ever since I was 13. From 13-16 I delivered newspapers. From 16-18 I worked in a supermarket. From 18-22 I went to college and bartended to make extra money. There is no reason whatsoever for a healthy teenager not to be working, be it at a job or around the house. It build work ethic and character.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012):

Am a grown woman and I spent most of yesterday in bed, thats what Sundays are for in my world. Kids often sleep for hours its normal, when they have something to motivate them, they are up and out in 2 minutes.In bed sleeping also means not spending money.He'll get over this phase.

Dont see why it bothers you, hes not out mugging people or dealing drugs.Hes just asleep.

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (9 July 2012):

adamantine agony aunt- My son says "what is there to get up for?"

Could he be depressed? When I had depression, all I wanted to do all day was stay in bed because I had nothing worth waking up for in my life. Same shit, different day, was my mentality.

Talk to him. Ask him what's wrong. Or convince him to talk to a close friend of his if he's not willing to open up to you. He might need counselling/therapy.

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A female reader, Anniyah222 Australia +, writes (9 July 2012):

Anniyah222 agony auntI went through this with my son when he was 17-22 years old except that he used to play XBox 360 or Playstation games until very late and then would sleep in until 12 noon. He didn't work or help around the house in any way, mowing lawns, putting garbage bins out weekly, etc. He became very lazy and unmotivated.

My daughter and I eventually decided he needed a "good kick up the backside". So we proceeded to tell him that he should get a job and pull his weight around the house. He didn't respond immediately, but with constant pressure, he did a complete turnaround, found a job and now works and helps around the house. This has worked wonders for his self respect too.

Sometimes we have to "Be cruel, to be kind!" I'm afraid.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (9 July 2012):

chigirl agony auntIf your son is still living at home then give him chores. Since he asked "to do what" it is obvious to me you need to give the boy something to do. So that next time he asks you'll have a list prepared. If he's not busy with school or work, then get him in action with chores.

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A female reader, Ricky2727 United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

This question is rather vague because you're not providing too many details. When I was younger my parents would always ask me to get out of bed or to get out of "my cave" on my days off and i found this extremely irritating since i work 40 plus hours a week and wanted to spend my days off how i wanted to spend them... not how they think i should spend it.

If hes productive most of the time and has a steady job or is going to school the cut him a break... its the weekend.

If this is an ongoing occasion and he isn't doing anything... ie no job or no school then maybe he should be waking up earlier.

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2012):

Sweet-thing agony auntThat depends. Does he work the nightshift? If so he probably needs his rest. On the other hand if he spent the evening partying down with his buds, it's probably time you ask him to get a job and move into his own pad so he can do as he pleases and you can forget about what time he gets up. He's old enough to leave the nest and probably should.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012):

He's almost 21 and doesn't work.

This is his behavior most days.

My son says "what is there to get up for?"

I find this behavior very stressful as he wasn't raised in this way & worry where his life is going.

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A female reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX United Kingdom +, writes (8 July 2012):

Xx-Scorpio-xX agony auntI'm 19 and a girl and I sleep sometimes until the early hours of the afternoon~ once 5pm :P My parents just let me sleep and said it was my own fault if i wanted to waste the day. If he's got nothing important to do, and no plans made, I don't see the harm in letting him sleep :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012):

Depends, how old your son is?

Does he stay in bed during the week?

Or does he go to school or work, or look for work?

And if its the same where you are then it is sunday so generally most people like a lie in (I've been in bed all day too only because its sunday lol)

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (8 July 2012):

The Realist agony auntI'm guessing your son is somewhere around age 15 and can sleep for 12 or 13 hours a day. I used to be able to do that when I was that age. I think your husband is right though. If you get him up he'll probably just lay around doing nothing anyway. This doesn't mean he will grow up to be lazy. A few years later I was waking up early for work and such. I would just let him enjoy for the few years that he can do this cause eventually he'll get sick of sleeping away the whole day and set his own alarms.

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