| Latest articles: Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...
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I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 4 March 2009: Thanks for updating us. I don't know whether showing this thread will help or worsen the situation, it is just a thought that just crossed my mind.
You started "timid" and then "defensive" and then "own up" in this thread. One can almost see the ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 3 March 2009: Hmmmmn ... it all sounds way to familiar with me. I went through the same thing alsmot not too long ago. Different circumstances, but some similar reactions. Except I was the one trying to explain the core issues, and he was the one being defensive ... (read in full...)
The test came back... POSITIVE!!!!
Q. I had sex and I missed my period and when I took a test it came came back positive! I don't even love this guy. Should I get an abortion? Should I tell my parents? What should I do?...
A. 3 March 2009: The last two weeks, we have seen this question many times. The aunts have given their fair share of the pros and cons of abortion and adoption.
Here's what you need to do in the next few hours.
1. Take a deep breath. Take a cold shower, or ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and am giving my baby up for adoption. Now I'm getting called nasty names for making that decision.
Q. I'm in high school and pregnant, I decided to give my baby up for adoption but in the meantime people keep on calling me nasty names even the guy that is the father who I'm still dating, that's another thing he is so nice out of school but ever ...
A. 3 March 2009: Teen pressures are hard and difficult to deal with. As Jessica04 said, you already have risen above the rest.
You made a mistake by getting pregnant. But you have become a strong young adult by owning up to your mistake and keeping your head hig... (read in full...)
Should I quit my job?
Q. My wife and me haven't had sex in 6 weeks because I haven't been feeling too well and I have high blood pressure (she knows about it) and it makes me really tired. My high blood is due to my very stressful job. My boss over works me and some other ...
A. 3 March 2009: Yes.
If you can easily get another job, quit this one. No job, no money, is worth having if it gives you physical and psychological pain.
Yes, if your medical bills may be so much that you will have not much left for yourself and your savings ... (read in full...)
Do I support him forever or move on?
Q. I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...
A. 3 March 2009: Only you can decide whether you want to move on or stay with him. Is the grass greener on the other side?
List all the pros and cons of being single with small/young children.
Seriously, how many husbands or male partners who are distressed t... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 3 March 2009: Different people have different approaches to get the message accross.
You letting yourself to get wound up by Ted-ster just makes him prove his point. His method is more like a boot-camp one, which works because the receiver is pretty much con... (read in full...)
How to expand my social circle
Q. Hey, my question is about expanding my social circle, basically I know quite a lot of people but they aren't exactly people I would hang out with as we've only met at parties and stuff so my group of close friends is quite small and it would be nice ...
A. 3 March 2009: I wouldnt worry about having more close friends, really, if I were you.
Now, please go back to your posting, and ask yourself to define the phrase "close friends". Then, decide again whether you want more close friends, or you just want more fri... (read in full...)
Losing touch with friends and not sure what to do about it?
Q. Recently I have found that my best friend and one of my other friends have been spending loads more time together and are becoming better friends than I am with them, I'm finding that I also just don't get on with them as well as i used to, we ...
A. 2 March 2009: You are growing up and you (and your friends) are finding new things of interest.
You will find and make new friends now, and you will continue to find and make new friends in many years to come.
I never thought I'd be having friends with so ... (read in full...)
Father says he can't go to college because of me..what can I do?
Q. hey. this may be a bit long it needs a bit of explaining. well basically i love my dad to pieces, he was always the best thing in my life, fun, rebellious everything my mother wasnt. i knew he had his flaws but i ignored them as you do when you were ...
A. 2 March 2009: I love OtherStarfish's answer.
You can tell your dad that you would love it if both of you can go to college "together". Bot of you can start planning what subjects you want to take. He can do it as an Open University course, or as a part tim... (read in full...)
How to expand my social circle
Q. Hey, my question is about expanding my social circle, basically I know quite a lot of people but they aren't exactly people I would hang out with as we've only met at parties and stuff so my group of close friends is quite small and it would be nice ...
A. 2 March 2009: So you have expanded your social circle of friends, but you don't have extra time to socialize with your new friends?
Just focus on finishing your GCSE now. You lead a healthy balanced life already: school, work, exercise. Summer will be here soo... (read in full...)
I'm done with this marriage! I need help!
Q. I'm done with this marriage...I need help... Someone please shine some light this way.. I need to divorce my husband of 5 years. I can’t deal with this loveless marriage anymore. In the twincities, have anyone tried using this website www.our...
A. 2 March 2009: On what grounds are you divorcing your husband? They need to be proven (and possibly well documented to be used as evidence if necessary)
Cat
... (read in full...)
How can my husband and the rest of the employees deal with their weird boss?
Q. I posted my problem originally here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husbands-boss-is-making-increasingly-weird-demands.html I can give you some more info on the context of the situation. My husband works for a firm that distributes computi...
A. 2 March 2009: Read back the responses in your previous posting, as well as Jessica04's and Tisha's below.
This is something that only a specialized advocacy and/or legal group/organization can guide you in the right direction.
Abuse is a basic human righ... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: Two thumbs up for you, girl! It takes courage to own up to yourself like this, even though at first you were pretty darn reactive and defensive about it.
Just tell your b/f the way you told us. He may be mad at you at first (to which he has ever... (read in full...)
Don't want to marry him because of his mother's debt... cruel or smart?
Q. Hi, I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. My boyfriend and I have not really talked seriously about marriage, as I have made it very clear that I do not want to get married until after I get my PhD (in 5-6 years). I ...
A. 2 March 2009: I think you are theorizing too much.
Did you know that 4 years ago, when you started dating your b/f, that the global economy is going to be this f****d up? Are absolutely sure that your PhD is going to guarantee you a good paying job? Are you ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden my male friends all want to have sex with me!!! Why?
Q. I am completely confused. First off, I'm a 24 year old single parent. I have a 2 year old and have been raising him alone for a year and a half now. I've made a lot of friends, mostly male, over the last 3-4 years through work, and we've always ...
A. 2 March 2009: LOL ... well, in that case, enjoy the topic too then. Probably makes you even more attractive to them. (wink)
Cat
... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: OK. So basically you have narrowed it down to two main options: blow your parents (who will always be your parents - regardless of whether they disowned you or not) or blow your boyfriend (who may or may not be there for you - as well as you may or ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden my male friends all want to have sex with me!!! Why?
Q. I am completely confused. First off, I'm a 24 year old single parent. I have a 2 year old and have been raising him alone for a year and a half now. I've made a lot of friends, mostly male, over the last 3-4 years through work, and we've always ...
A. 2 March 2009: Positive feelings give off positive energy.
Perhaps even though you think you looked more attractive 2-4 years ago, at least physically, you may not shown any "accessibility" for a number of reasons. Physical appearance, however attracti... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: Are you the same girl as this poster?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-made-my-mom-hate-me-and-dont.html
Cat
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: OK, if she said that she felt "suffocated" and that there's been talk about marriage, or stuff that you did in the past, then for what it's worth, lets just take her words verbatim for now.
Your friends may be looking out for you, but only you... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: If it is a direct flight to your final destination, you should not have worries about travelling on your own.
If you are tired of travelling on your own, ask (or pay for) a friend to come along with you (I am sure your b/f will have plenty o... (read in full...)
Am I sell out because I like white men?
Q. Well for the past 10 years now since I was 14 yrs old, I add an attraction to White guys. Something about them turns me on so bad. I can count on one hand and 1/2 of all the Black and Latino men that I've dated. My friends and family think I'm...
A. 2 March 2009: You will create beautiful children who will grow up like Halle Berry and Barack Obama.
I am a brown skin South East Asian woman who have dated Asians as well as Caucasians. , not because of their skin color nor ethnicity but because of their pe... (read in full...)
Does this mean my wife has desires for someone else?
Q. My wife of 8 years says to me, "I just don't feel the same for you as I did when we married". Does this mean that she has desires for someone else?...
A. 2 March 2009: oooppss .. disturbing missing words in previous posting ..
I meant to write ... know what each other wants even WITHOUT asking or communcating it in words ...
sorry for the typo ...
Cat... (read in full...)
Does this mean my wife has desires for someone else?
Q. My wife of 8 years says to me, "I just don't feel the same for you as I did when we married". Does this mean that she has desires for someone else?...
A. 2 March 2009: Have you two fallen into a rut in your everyday life? Have you taken each other for granted somewhat, since you now live a relatively comfortable life and knows what each other likes and dislikes, or think that you know what each other want even by ... (read in full...)
Is weed worst than cigarettes?
Q. Is weed worst than cigarettes? Which has the worst long term effect? ...
A. 2 March 2009: In some Asian regions, cannabis seeds are used as meat tenderizers and as part of regular spices in the kitchen. Its young leaves also can be used in soups. It does not get people who consumes it get "high", it just makes you want to eat more :-) ... (read in full...)
How to improve my reputation?
Q. What can I do to improve my reputation? Now that I am feeling stronger after a bad divorce and can take stock of my life, looking back I see a trail of people I have disenchanted and alienated since my twenties in both my personal and professional...
A. 2 March 2009: I would say, in addition to seeking professional conventional therapy (psychologists/psychiatrists), you can also do a number of things like:
- learning and joining tai chi groups
- learning martial arts or joining a gym, or learning tae-bo ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: I personally would say it is okay, but you know her better than I do. At least, she chose to reply, right? She could easily have given you the silent treatment, but she chose not to do that. She replied "are you okay" probably because she was ... (read in full...)
Virgin who didn't feel tight?
Q. Hi there, I recently lost my virginity at the age of 28. I had always wanted to wait until I got married but as the years have gone by, it's just gotten harder and harder to wait. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and have k...
A. 2 March 2009: Sounds normal to me. Like you said, you were very relaxed and wet, and that was the main reason why your man had no problems getting in. But, I do think that was a bit insensitive when he said (several times?) that you were not "tight". Unless of ... (read in full...)
I'm kind of insecure as my boyfriend is very attractive and a lot of girls like him!
Q. Hi, I'm 21 and I live in the US and my 2 year boyfriend lives in Mexico. He comes and goes because he is in school over there. I have a big issue with him not doing a lot of things, I am a wonderful girl, I'm smart, strong, outgoing, easy going, ...
A. 2 March 2009: Trust is the key word here. Second key word is insecurity. You have already identified these key words yourself.
Are you strong enough to let go of your paranoia of him cheating? Is it more of paranioa or a "hunch" based on past experien... (read in full...)
Secondary school friends or Uni friends???
Q. My birthday is coming up soon this weekend and I don't know whether to celebrate it with my friends from secondary school or university. The reason being as follows: Although I have known my secondary school friends for most of my life, we haven't...
A. 2 March 2009: Your life now is at the university. It will be good to know more uni friends now, as they can help you with discussions and assignments from your professors.
Send invitations to your secondary school friends too, regardless whether they would co... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: She is not just reserved (which is okay) but she is also insecure. Neither of you can change who you are, but you CAN meet halfway and one of you need to be one with the "bigger heart".
Things you can do (in addition to the previous suggesti... (read in full...)
How can I pick up the pieces and heal myself??
Q. My brother finally made me cried after two weeks of breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend when he told i was fool for putting up with a loser. When am I going to learn to stop picking these losers? Therefore all efforts I made to stay strong w...
A. 1 March 2009: It sounds like you have been abused for so long that you have lost a lot of of your self worth so much that you did not recognize a "loser" when you see one. Or, that you have a tendency to want to "mother" these "babies" and you secretly felt that ... (read in full...)
Does he deserve an apology?
Q. Ok I really was attracted to this guy, occasionally he would come to my job to see one of his family members and every time I saw him we would talk, well he ended up having surgery and I sent him a get well basket. I heard he was very thrilled in ...
A. 1 March 2009: It depends on what you want to apologize for.
Yes, you need to apologize for sending him nasty text messages and voicemails.
You can show that you are more mature than him by not saying anything about him playing you. After all, you always ... (read in full...)
Eye contact between the sexes
Q. Hi. I was just wondering... If a man looks at a woman, who has been looking at him, and she immediately looks away, is this generally because she 1) Does not want to give the impression that she fancies him? or 2) She wants him to think that she...
A. 1 March 2009: Could be that she needs new glasses or contact lenses?
Women look away could be for a number of different reasons, but definitely not because she dislikes him (basing this on your posting). For this one, it could simply be because (a) she was ... (read in full...)
I am 15 and want to have a baby!
Q. I want to keep having sex....i was 14 when i started to and now 15 and want a baby. I really want to have one but my mom don't want me to i wanna fellow my own desires...
A. 1 March 2009: There are several good responses already in the past two weeks. Please click and read these links:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/14-pregnant-dont-want-to-tell-my-mum.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue how!
Q. I've been with my husband for three years now, been married to him for two. We have a one year old daughter. My husband started verbally abusing me seven months into our relationship, but I didn't really think anything of it until just two weeks ...
A. 1 March 2009: Congratulations and hugs to you for being brave and leave your husband. It took courage, strength and determination.
But what I want to say the most, is that I applaud you to want to help others as your career. There are many many differen... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to cope with my fiances 'open door' policy??
Q. I am about to get married again for the second time. Everything is great with my fiance apart from one thing which I am finding difficult to cope with. He is an extremely sociable man who has lots of friends and I am very quiet and am happy with ...
A. 1 March 2009: Is there anywhere in your house that you can claim as your own private sanctuary when you are home? Make that a point with your husband, that when you are there, you are not to be disturbed. Perhaps even ask your new husband to build you a room ... (read in full...)
How can I determine if I'm destined to be heavy?
Q. I am so sick of being a fat, disgusting piglet... It's gotten to the point that looking in the mirror makes me crazy. I'm 29 and don't want to speculate about how much I weigh but it revolts me even look at my reflection. Looking at the big sloppy ...
A. 1 March 2009: Buy DVDs on Salsa - or Merengue Dancing instructions. Look for them in flea markets, thrift shops, garage sales. Get a few friends together and practice. I did that and got very toned in just 1 month ... I did not lose weight but that was because I ... (read in full...)
Any sex tips for plus size girls?
Q. Any sex tips can help I need some here's why I have a thin boyfriend and I'm a plus size girl much bigger then him and we have sex but not as much. we have more oral sex then sex and I feel bad that he douse most of the work when haveing sex...
A. 1 March 2009: Check out these sites (it comes with some tips on which needs more stamina, or which ones are more suited to plus sizes) .. don't look at the pictures and think "I am bigger than her" but read the instructions and use your imagination. Experiment. ... (read in full...)
I want to expand mys ocial circle, any advice?
Q. Hey.. I have a problem and I need advice. I'm a very pleasant, fun-loving person and I know a lot of people, but my close friends are very few. Lately I seem to go out with the same people all the time. I want to expand my social circle and s...
A. 1 March 2009: You could also attend arts festivals and exhibitions. It is a great place to meet interesting people. Some of them will be o their own, or with friends. It is easy to strike up a conversation while admiring a painting, or waiting in line for the ... (read in full...)
My husband's boss is making increasingly WEIRD demands of his employees
Q. My husband told me this morning he is not looking forward to work at all. He said that his boss has started acting strangely over the past few weeks making all sorts of weird and excessive demands on him and the rest of the employees he wor...
A. 1 March 2009: What type of company is this? Companies get restructured, and a "flat managment" structure with only two tiers: major boss, manager/supervisor - and the underlings. So, there may have been more managers now than before, and all report directly to ... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend and I keep our baby or give it up for adoption?
Q. Should my boyfriend and I keep our baby or give it up for adoption? I am 15 years old and pregnant by my 16 year old boyfriend. Both of our parents know and want us to decide on what to do with the baby when it's born. At first, my boyfrien...
A. 1 March 2009: You are blessed to have both your parents and your boyfriend's mother supporting your decision, be it keeping the baby or giving it up (with an open adoption option). This is their way of saying: Right, you made a mistake. Now you have to face the ... (read in full...)
Should I tolerate every wrong than live with the social stigma of being divorced?
Q. I recently got married to a man who everyone told me was respectable and no one had anything bad to say about him. I saw him once following tradition, my father sat and spoke with him as did my brothers the one thing I asked was that they notice how ...
A. 28 February 2009: Read your pre-nuptial agreement (yes, there should be one ... even it is only a generic one ... sometimes it is attached to the marriage). Make a list of how many of the clauses in the pre-nup had been broken. Then you can assess the strength of ... (read in full...)
I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue how!
Q. I've been with my husband for three years now, been married to him for two. We have a one year old daughter. My husband started verbally abusing me seven months into our relationship, but I didn't really think anything of it until just two weeks ...
A. 27 February 2009: All human beings deserve to be loved and respected, not abused and disrespected.
Your primary maternal instincts have kicked in, your daughter's safety first over yours. But seriously, you can only protect your daughter safely when you are well... (read in full...)
Do I support him forever or move on?
Q. I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...
A. 26 February 2009: ooops .. a bit of a disturbing "typo" in my response to you:
wrong:
And because you have a mutual agreement on income and expenses, then neither you nor him are in an "equal" position so to speak
right (correction)
And because you have ... (read in full...)
Do I support him forever or move on?
Q. I have been married for 11yrs. My husband has been staying home for the past two and a half years with my daughter. Btw, I have three children, two of them are in school. Basically, I have been working to support my family. My husband worked in the ...
A. 26 February 2009: Right. Gender roles and current economy.
Read your original posting, and replace the word "he" with "she" and "husband" with "wife". What do you see? I would say, a typical household, one where finances are a bit tight.
With a young child at h... (read in full...)
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