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*oublethink agony aunt


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Im Pregnant and have just split with the babys father, I dont know what to do from here!

Q.   i am 5 months pregnant and have just split with the father of my baby i thought he was the love of my life but he was just a user now i dont know what to do im scared and now im alone, i just cant understand how someone i loved so much could treat ...

A.   7 August 2006: I think maybe you said it - "someone i loved so much..." - it seems that maybe his feelings weren't equal to yours? Maybe the responsibility of fatherhood scared him? It's hard to see how he wouldn't be excited, but still, it's a big step. Anywa... (read in full...)

He masturbates to porn, that's cheating right? what do I do?

Q.   I've recently discovered that my fiance is not only looking at Internet porn but masterbating to it. I can help but feel this is a form of cheating. It surprises me coming from him because this is very unexpected behavior for him. Do I confront ...

A.   31 July 2006: Don't worry about it. He has fantasies about other women and other sexual situations. He likes a lot of sex. Normal, man, methinks! If he's masturbating to porn, it's a safe way of him getting some different sexual experiences without actually... (read in full...)

My parents are confusing me, but I have the right to privacy dont I ?

Q.   My parents confuse me because they talk about marriage in the future and say 'It's not worth getting married' or 'People don't bother getting married these days, i wouldn't bother' and things like that. Yet they hint about sex, and say that thats ...

A.   31 July 2006: She never thought too much about sex before you and now she's mad for it? What a compliment!... (read in full...)

Is this spot of blood normal ?

Q.   my boyfriend and i were making out and it got a little hot and heavy as far as making out goes....and we were dry humping, but this time it was different. we do this routine often and all is fine after the fact but tonight when i went to go change ...

A.   31 July 2006: It could just be that you have broken your hymen, the small flap of skin that covers the entrance to the vagina - assuming you haven't had penetrative sex before. Especially if you were being a little energetic, this seems likely! If this is wha... (read in full...)

Can't say anything to my friend about my attraction to her... Or can I?

Q.   I am absolutely crazy about my friend. Don't want to lose her so can't tell her. She has told me so many times that people have mistaken her for a lesbian. She has had a few relationships with men, which she says she was never happy in, or in love ...

A.   31 July 2006: When she says (loads of times) people have mistaken her for a lesbian, do you think she's trying to tell you that she really, really isn't a lesbian, so don't get any ideas, or is it a way of bringing up the topic, so it's open for discussion, ... (read in full...)

She comes home from work drunk, and she's cheated on me numerous times! Should I stay or go?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Last summer she got a new job at a bar, hoping to make some extra money. The problems in our relationship started there. She would come home drunk almost every night of the week. At ...

A.   31 July 2006: Clearly you can't forget it. If it's playing on your mind that much, can you let go enough to really forgive her, with all that means - getting past it and moving on, not bringing it up in arguments, trying to understand how she feels...? If n... (read in full...)

Gay? Bi? Strajght? Confused? I just don't know what I am...

Q.   Hi I'm 15 and confused. When I masturbate I used to always think about men and boys. Now it's men and women. I like looking at men, as well as women but I want to have sex with females and get married to a woman and have children. Am I gay, bi or ...

A.   31 July 2006: It's difficult for anyone else to tell you what you are - you're the one best qualified to work that out. You seem to be making a distinction between what you fantasise about and what you actually want to DO, though - that sounds like a good way ... (read in full...)

My husband thinks my vagina should be "like a virgin"...

Q.   I have a husband. We married in 2004, but now he doesn't want sex with me because he want me like a virgin.p /> He wants my vagina should be too small. I don't know what to do to make small my vagina....

A.   31 July 2006: He wants you to be like a virgin? Is this because he enjoys the sensation of a tighter vagina, or because he has a virgin-fantasy going? If he just likes to imagine having sex with a virgin, you could try some role-play - no change needed to... (read in full...)

We never spoke, but I'm sure there was love between us!

Q.   Hi guys, I need help with this one. I'm 14 years old and last year I saw this guy who was in sixth form. The big problem is, is that I love him and I think he loves me too, but we have never spoken! I know it must sound stupid that I love him beca...

A.   31 July 2006: Sorry to burst your bubble but I don't think you can be in love with someone you've never spoken to. You don't know him well enough. Ok, so you can know ABOUT him, from observation, gossip, mutual friends etc, but that's it! You have to get to ... (read in full...)

My partner's surprise announcement has left me reeling!

Q.   My partner of five years has recently told me that about 10 years ago she was seriously sexually assaulted. She has recently decided to prosecute the man concerned and has been in touch with the police. She tells me that one of the reasons for ...

A.   31 July 2006: She doesn't know you were going to ask her to marry you. So she hasn't lost anything there - you don't need to feel bad about not doing something she was unaware of in the first place! I think you do need to try to talk to her about the whole ... (read in full...)

My BF said he wouldn't meet a girl for coffee, but did it anyway!

Q.   Hi, I posted a question about a week ago about my boyfriend meeting up for coffee with a girl that he promised me he would have no contact with? Anyone remember me? Well, basically, he went and met up with her. Now I'm stuck and confused. I was...

A.   31 July 2006: I didn't see your original question, so I don't know why you object to this girl - but I'm sure you have good reason! Obviously you wouldn't dream of telling your boyfriend who he can and can't be friends with - as long as that's all it is? And ... (read in full...)

Am I gay and should I date this girl?

Q.   hi im a 16 year old girl.ive only ever dated boys but now ive been lookin at girls and thinkin wat it would be like to be with a girl. my friend is gay and told me she likes me and wants to be with me,i have been thinkin about it and i do like her ...

A.   30 July 2006: Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. The question you have to ask yourself is "Am I attracted to women?" If you like women best as friends, that doesn't mean you're gay. If you're curious about what it would be like to 'be with a girl... (read in full...)

My roommate is a potential love interest, but she's really selfish

Q.   my roommate and i are both gay, and have been friends for a while. we both had feelings for each other a while back, but had relationships that kept us from taking things any further than just friends. well, recently my relationship ended, and we ...

A.   30 July 2006: This girl is messing you about. Maybe she's a goddess in bed, but there's no way that should influence your decision. Maybe she makes you feel wanted, sexy, needed even. We all want that, but if it's not true it's no good. Why should she be al... (read in full...)

Why would my boyfriend tell me he thinks he's gay, then sleep with me?

Q.   I have quite a difficult situation on my hands. My long-term boyfriend and I have just signed a lease together, and things seemed to be going fantastically until two weeks after we moved in. He dropped a bomb by telling me that he thinks he may be ...

A.   30 July 2006: The simple answer would seem to be 'the boy's a mess'. Apologies for being blunt, but I think it's true. Imagine - he's been seeing you for ages. He loves you enough to agree to the commitment of moving in together. However, his feelings for... (read in full...)

Am I Bi or is it just a phase?

Q.   Well here it goes, i am having a problem. i don't know if i am bi or not. i like boys, infact i like boys alot but for a few years now i have been finding myself attracted to girls. i start having thoughts of being in a female-female relation...

A.   30 July 2006: I'm not sure I believe in phases, but I think we have to believe you if you say you're bisexual - you should know! If you're attracted to girls, you're attracted to girls. If you're attracted to boys too, so be it! Remember the important thing is ... (read in full...)

I think I'm gay - should I tell the girl who has fallen for me?

Q.   I'll try be brief. I'm best friends with a woman and while at school we were close then we graduated and went our differnet ways and lost contact until several months ago we've become pretty close. MY feelings for her are "friendship" however her...

A.   30 July 2006: Yes, tell her. I like what the first reply suggests - very sensitive. If you're not yet out to anyone, you'll be showing her how much you love and value her by choosing her to be the first person you confide in, and I don't think she'll hate you - ... (read in full...)

I'm a lesbian and I love my friend! How do I tell her?

Q.   I'm a lesbian, how do i tell my friend i love her?...

A.   30 July 2006: I'm not sure you should tell her. I know what it's like being there, and you really do have to approach it carefully. First, tell her you're gay. You might be able to guage from her response to that whether she feels anything other than frien... (read in full...)

I don't like making love with my husband, because I'm more attracted to women!

Q.   Hi! I am in a dilemma since years. I am married and have a son of 5. I get attracted to women and do not like when my man makes love to me.. in fact I cry after he makes love to me coz I do not like it.. He does not know this.. What to do? Shou...

A.   30 July 2006: I really feel for you. Obviously you're a mature enough woman to know that sex should be enjoyable for you as well as for him. I think you certainly have to do something - you shouldn't have to be so unhappy. I agree that you shouldn't rush i... (read in full...)

Confused as to why it didnt hurt me when I had sex for the first time ?

Q.   Dear cupid i really need your help cos i am really confused. About a few weeks ago my bf fingered me and that was the first time i had ever been fingered and it really really hurt and i was sore the next day and it hurt the first couple o...

A.   30 July 2006: Are you worried that you didn't 'do it' right? Don't worry - sex CAN hurt, but it doesn't have to. In fact, most people like it best when it doesn't hurt. I hope you told your boyfriend when he was hurting you, and that you can discuss with each ... (read in full...)

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