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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I am going through hell with my 15 year old!
Q. Not sure if this is the right place for this question I am currently going threw hell with my 15 year old daughter, she's my 4 th and youngest child. She's in with the wrong crowd and whilst not involved in drugs or drinks... She's involve...
A. 15 June 2016: I do want to clarify that all of this should be done with your therapist first - as in talking it through with them and seeing if they'll talk to her (confidentially). I do think there's definitely an underlying problem, but kicking her out isn't ... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 14 June 2016: OP, I'm more reassured by your latest post, but I really do think it's worth cancelling the fiancée visa and just having him get a prolonged holiday visa for visiting friends. I know it sucks to wait longer to be with him, as I'm in a long distance... (read in full...)
I feel very confused by her. First she flirts with me. Then she didn't invite me to her birthday celebration. What's happening here?
Q. I am lusting after another female colleague. She is also bi-sexual. I've known her a year but only recently did we start getting to know each other better as she has moved into my office at work. We flirt a lot by teasing each other and play fig...
A. 14 June 2016: By the way. I also agree with the others that you've (both) gone *way* over what's acceptable at work. I know she initiated and encouraged it, but it was unprofessional and you shouldn't have let yourself get caught up in it. Flirting at work needs ... (read in full...)
I am going through hell with my 15 year old!
Q. Not sure if this is the right place for this question I am currently going threw hell with my 15 year old daughter, she's my 4 th and youngest child. She's in with the wrong crowd and whilst not involved in drugs or drinks... She's involve...
A. 14 June 2016: Get therapy for yourself and see what they say about your situation. Read up on the laws of kicking your child out. It's drastic, but she'll learn. If she comes to your work and kicks off, leave for a moment and she'll probably follow you. If n... (read in full...)
He puts his family above all else. Am I wrong to be feeling concerned about our future together, considering his actions?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for awhile now. There was that immediate spark and we being with him felt great and easy. He treated me better than anyone I had previously been with and made me happy. Gradually we started realizin...
A. 14 June 2016: I don't think you should date any other men, just in case you are official (ask him, if you don't know).
How long have you been with him? He may think it's too soon to go to a wedding and meet everyone. He may not feel ready to meet your family f... (read in full...)
I don't know how to face him after a night of heavy petting!
Q. Hi this is my first time writing here.. i just turned 18 this june 12 and i have a few drinks with my friends and there this guy who is 2 years younger than me,he is 15 turning 16 this july actually hes very mature on hes age. And hes very vocal a...
A. 14 June 2016: Wow. You need to stop hanging out with him. What happened was too close to illegal for comfort.
You are now an adult, if you can't control yourself after drinking, don't drink so much.
My advice is to never be alone with him and never drink ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my brother's ex wife. Family are try to discourage me over this. What should I do?
Q. I am a 42 year old man who was married to my for 10 years to my best friend. Seven years ago she died. We have 2 kids together and I've been single ever since. Recently I moved so the kids could be closer to family and I met a beautiful young ...
A. 13 June 2016: You've only known her under 2 months. If you like her, that's okay, but it will mess with your family and children. I'm not imposing my beliefs, I'm explaining why I don't think choosing a stranger over family (especially when kids are involved) is ... (read in full...)
He puts his family above all else. Am I wrong to be feeling concerned about our future together, considering his actions?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for awhile now. There was that immediate spark and we being with him felt great and easy. He treated me better than anyone I had previously been with and made me happy. Gradually we started realizin...
A. 13 June 2016: Being religious doesn't give you morals. You know how many people of different religions aren't remotely morally decent. Your morals could be the same; it's your beliefs that would be different; believing in God doesn't make anyone a decent person, ... (read in full...)
I feel very confused by her. First she flirts with me. Then she didn't invite me to her birthday celebration. What's happening here?
Q. I am lusting after another female colleague. She is also bi-sexual. I've known her a year but only recently did we start getting to know each other better as she has moved into my office at work. We flirt a lot by teasing each other and play fig...
A. 13 June 2016: Distance is good. Maybe say "I hope your birthday celebration is fantastic" and genuinely smile.
I think this may just be a work "flirtationship", rather than something she wants to act on. If you want to continue flirting, without hope for a re... (read in full...)
Am I entitle to feel the pain of loss and grief over my parents' breakup? Including my loss of connection to the family home?
Q. Hi there, I am 23 years old and live with my boyfriend of the same age. We've been together 3 years, lived together for 1. Recently my parents decided to divorce. They have sold the family home I grew up in and moved quite far away from me (...
A. 13 June 2016: Of course you're allowed to be sad your parents have divorced and sold your childhood home. Don't let it cause worry about your own relationship, though. I'd suggest telling your parents you're not comfortable with them complaining to you about each ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my brother's ex wife. Family are try to discourage me over this. What should I do?
Q. I am a 42 year old man who was married to my for 10 years to my best friend. Seven years ago she died. We have 2 kids together and I've been single ever since. Recently I moved so the kids could be closer to family and I met a beautiful young ...
A. 13 June 2016: I still think family members' exes are off-limits, especially when children are involved.
I think you need counselling to adjust to what has happened to you and open your eyes to the reality that she's not your only chance at love.... (read in full...)
Do relationships that start as affairs go the distance, or do they fail?
Q. My dad left my mum (who his disabled with MS) for the 'other woman' - do these relationships that start as an affair (lies, deception) typically last? How can his new parter trust him? She must be insecure that if he can do it with her, he will DO ...
A. 12 June 2016: He might not cheat on her, but I don't think affairs deserve to last because they hurt others to get it. How long ago did your mum get MS? Were they together at the time? It's possible your dad just couldn't take the challenges it brings, any m... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my brother's ex wife. Family are try to discourage me over this. What should I do?
Q. I am a 42 year old man who was married to my for 10 years to my best friend. Seven years ago she died. We have 2 kids together and I've been single ever since. Recently I moved so the kids could be closer to family and I met a beautiful young ...
A. 12 June 2016: Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss, but you're not ready for another relationship if you're going to overdramatise it and say that it's your one chance at love - you don't even know her that well yet, so you don't know that this will turn into love. ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for the new guy to make up his mind? or go back to Mr Wrong?
Q. So, my (verbally abusive) boyfriend of 2 years and I finally called it off. A few months later, I reconnect with and re-fall for this brilliant, kind, handsome guy who I used to be *very friendly* with in high school. Happy ending? Nope! He decides ...
A. 12 June 2016: Okay, first of all, you never, *ever* go back to an abuser, once you've got out. You're free. Cut *all* contact and move on. Tell any friends or family who have contact with him that you no longer want anything to do with him and politely ask them ... (read in full...)
Should I just end the relationship as I broke her trust?
Q. Asking is it better to end a relationship if trust if broken??? I did not physically cheat but sexual videos btwn me and a girl got found and then she forgave me not only for me to get caught on a chatting site a few months later ..so she says...
A. 12 June 2016: I was going to write a fairly long post, but Honeypie covered it all. Stay single until you don't make decisions that get you dangerously close to cheating. Only get in committed relationships when you're mature enough and ready to commit.... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex on Skype! Do you think anything serious can come out of this?
Q. Hi, iam on a dating site, I received a message from man aged 53, he was saying how he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. I checked his profile it said looking for serious relationship leading to marriage, he also said that he likes ...
A. 12 June 2016: "that we are not kids, and I should have an open mind and agree to having sex on Skype" - that's what kids (naive teens) do! You were smart to refuse; it's clear he's only after one thing really and used the "marriage" profile info to entice women ... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 11 June 2016: OP, I know you care about your daughter, please don't move a stranger in. You love him, but your daughter needs to get to know him properly first. There's no need to rush this marriage, you need to focus more on your daughter and her comfort. Don't ... (read in full...)
His mother uses foul language and my boyfriend say I need thicker skin!
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend (24) and I have been together for about 7 years. His mother never truly liked me. She told him I was ugly from the get go and expressed her jealousy in vicious ways. It is only until recently that she started warming ...
A. 11 June 2016: One of those "monster-in-law" situations. I wouldn't stand for my boyfriend invalidating my feelings about it - not correcting her is one thing, but pretending you're overreacting isn't what a supportive boyfriend should do.
This woman will be ... (read in full...)
I like my ex-best friend's ex!
Q. There's this guy I like. Him and one of my best friends used to go out. He broke up with her because he said it wasn't going well for them in the last 6 months. He told me that during those last 6 months he had developed feelings for me. She cheated ...
A. 11 June 2016: Why are you no longer friends?
How long ago did they break up?
You're not betraying her, but it's messy and relationships at your age (not being patronising, I promise) usually don't last long and often cause more drama than happiness, so yo... (read in full...)
I need help, please. Ten months therapy. Still a virgin. Still wary of girls. How can I solve this problem?
Q. Hi everyone I'm posting again here because I cant seem to solve this problem no matter what I throw at it. I'm a 23 yr old virgin and have low self esteem as a result. My last and only girlfriend was 5 years ago. I've been on several first an...
A. 11 June 2016: You lose the desperation by realising and accepting that you're young and you're not as inexperienced as you make yourself out to be. Having sex by 23 isn't major and isn't really worth anything, just like being a virgin isn't. It only matters if it ... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle? My life revolves around finding someone
Q. My life revolves around finding someone how can I break this cycle ? I just had my heart broken by my ex he left me because he didn't want to invest the time in our relationship and I can't get over it. It was only six months and although I did e...
A. 11 June 2016: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-genuinely-busy-or-lost-interest.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-i-asked-for-what-i-need-and.html
Was it two months or six months? It's important that the inconsistencies are corrected, so th... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 11 June 2016: Like I said, sounds like she was rushing herself in an attempt to forget/move on.
However, my advice still stands that you shouldn't get engaged to anybody so soon.
I'd suggest giving it two months, but try moving forward in the mean time - ... (read in full...)
I can't believe my husband would even consider moving in with female roommates! Am I overreacting?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, My husband moved to the USA recently and got an unpaid intern position for about 6 months. At the moment he is staying with his cousin but is looking for a place for himself. Yesterday he's been telling me that he has been...
A. 10 June 2016: To me, this is like the "having close friends of the opposite sex" debate: if he was bisexual, would you not trust him living with anybody? I mean, by your rules, he'd have to live alone.
Him not letting you live with another man would be an issue... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in a lasting relationship where there was an age difference?
Q. When I was 28 I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a younger girl, she was only 18 when we started dating. We had a son together and when our son was 18 months old she said she made a mistake settling down with me and wanted to experience her yout...
A. 10 June 2016: The age isn't the issue any more. You have a toxic past together and unresolved issues. Giving it a go again could be a good idea, but no more sex for a while, go on dates and treat it like a new relationship (which it is!) - don't rush things.... (read in full...)
Do I let my ex's baby mama and child into my nursery?
Q. Hey I'm not sure what to write here but here it goes, I was with a guy for 6 years and got pregnant shortly after this he left me for a teenager and ignored me and his child I would text, got noting. I did every now again drop him a line to tell him ...
A. 10 June 2016: Stop messaging him; he's not interested, but do get child support, if you don't already.
Personally, I think you just look after her child because that's what your business is for. As for your children meeting, that needs to be talked about be... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 9 June 2016: As an adult, and not a very young one, you know the right thing to do. You should most definitely give them back and break up - POLITELY.... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a one sided relationship with a guy who tries to deliberately belittles me. Can someone please advise what to do?
Q. So heres my problem, Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together. For the last 6 months, I havent been happy in life or in our relationship. I keep trying t...
A. 9 June 2016: "Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together" - problem number 1. You moved in about 8+ months too soon. There's no solid foundation or evidence that you're good ... (read in full...)
Not long before we started to date he had sex with a girl who is one of my friends. Now I know I feel uncomfortable about it. How should I respond?
Q. Would you date a guy who had slept with your friend not long before you decided to date? Note that it was not a one night stand, but happened a few times... I have known this guy for a while and only recently have we hung out a lot and gotten t...
A. 9 June 2016: I disagree with the anon that you should "grow up" - this isn't a case of jealousy or immaturity; it's uncomfortable for many and suggesting you should "grow up" is invalidating your very valid feelings.
It would bother me because it's not as p... (read in full...)
He's younger than me by 4 years and in love, with me. How should I handle this situation?
Q. Hi, I have met this guy one year ago as his family and my family knows each other. He is 4yrs younger than me. Last year as our family met each other even we got to meet each and since then he got in touch with me. Even we have common friends s...
A. 8 June 2016: If he's over 18, it may be worth a shot - *but* you said you only started to develop feelings *after* he confessed his, suggesting you didn't have any beforehand. You need to figure out if you actually like him romantically, or if it's just because ... (read in full...)
Why Am I unable to leave my married lover?
Q. I am seeing a married man. I don't see him often. Once a month but we keep in touch on text / email. He is my friend.. The person who gives me advice. Who is my mentor and my agony aunt. He is 10 years older than me. Married with no children. I have ...
A. 8 June 2016: I think you're smart, empathetic and friendly, but made a very bad decision that doesn't show any of those good traits, only traits that are practically the opposite. I know you're lonely, but I think you need to break off all contact with him... (read in full...)
Why am I worried about this one woman in particular around my boyfriend? how can I handle my insecurities over this?
Q. So... maybe it's my fault for asking.... but.... Asked my boyfriend of 3 years if he would ^^^k this woman who runs in our social circle IF he was NOT with me. He was not too keen on answering at first but he DID say point blank "YES" if he ...
A. 8 June 2016: There's a phrase/proverb that goes something like "don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to", though I'd probably phrase it "don't ask questions, that may have answers you're not prepared for". You did and you got an answer that ... (read in full...)
Can I ever escape the guilt from what I've done?
Q. So here is my story. I'm completely lost and in a bad way. Riddled with shame and guilt. Feel totally out of control and powerless. I'm a serial cheat. I never expected to be in this position. I have strong values and rate honesty highly. I hate ...
A. 8 June 2016: Normally, people have the right to know, but that's if you hope to stay. In this case, you should keep it to yourself, break up and sell the house. You have so much work to do on yourself because you still think there's a possibility it will happen ... (read in full...)
Exhausted ! What can I do? My Bf's video game playing wakes me up several times during the night.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living for 5 months together now, and almost a year together. Our relationship has honestly been a lot of ups an downs, and the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to ...
A. 7 June 2016: "the reason why I stay with him is because I do love him and he is the only and first man to actually take me serious and want something serious with me" - terrible reason. You're literally justifying staying with him because you feel there's nobody ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her Bf what she is like?
Q. A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...
A. 7 June 2016: Step-by-step guide to doing the right thing (in this situation):
1 - Tell her it's not going to happen and you will ignore her completely, if she doesn't stop.
2 - Stick to number one, but don't tell him unless he asks (don't lie).
3 - Avo... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: I'm glad you feel like you've already started resolving the parents dilemma, OP, but please do wait longer before marrying him - you no doubt prioritise your daughter normally, but you need to give her more than two months before a stranger (to her) ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: This woman is a mess. She's clearly been pressured (by herself and/or others) into finding a guy to push her forward before she's ready. She appears to have spent the majority of the time since her son's passing rushing herself into things that ... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: I think you let her go. It sounds like she probably wasn't happy and felt like moving on with someone else would help her "forget" her loss - she may even have been pressured into dating.
I'm assuming it was her son's father? She wasn't ready to... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 7 June 2016: You can't marry a man your daughter doesn't know - that's irresponsible. Don't get married so soon, please, for your daughter's sake. There are so many things here about how hard it will be for him and how he doesn't even want to live in Canada, it ... (read in full...)
He's dating one of my best friends. I really like him. He keeps asking me out, and I reject him. What can I do?
Q. So I've like this boy in my year for a while now but he's going out with one of my best friends. However he is still showing signs of liking me after over two years of him liking me. All the time he asked he out I rejected him. We are now really c...
A. 7 June 2016: Don't. You'll lose your friend because it's not nice to date someone your friend has been with (especially not when its recent). You need to not think of yourself, right now, as I'm sure he seems almost "perfect" for you, but your relationship would ... (read in full...)
Do I tell him I like him before he leaves? He is going away and I have a crush on him
Q. SO there is this guy that I really like. I dont really know if my affections are justified because we have only really talked a couple of times. He goes to my church. Anyways I have a crush on him. A big one. He is so handsome and sweet and la...
A. 7 June 2016: You could do, but it may hurt more because you can't act on it if he reciprocates. Long distance is hard for adults, let alone young teens, so I'd vote not telling him, but it's up to you.... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 7 June 2016: Okay, I know this may sound harsh, but I'd strongly advise not getting engaged so soon, in future. If she lost her son only a year and a half ago, but you got engaged recently, you either weren't together very long or got together almost when it ... (read in full...)
What is your story about your first boyfriend or girlfriend?
Q. Hi, I'll be 17 soon and have never had a boyfriend. Probably because I'm less confident around guys I like and I struggle with expressing my feelings in any situation. I mean I've been somewhat intimate with a guy (without going too far luckily - im ...
A. 7 June 2016: To cut a very long, complex story short: we met online at 19 and 20 (first relationship for me and first proper one for him - his only one before was peer pressure), messaged non-stop for a month and a half, video chatted a few times before meeting ... (read in full...)
Is there a bias to the answers here?
Q. I was wondering why aunts and uncles are more willing to answer questions that are related to below belly button , thresum, Fwb, F buddies, but are less likely to help on some serious questions regarding other issues? Have we gotten some preferences ...
A. 7 June 2016: Not so much a bias as just things people feel more able to give advice on. A lot of questions require common sense solutions, which can result in many aunts and uncles being able to respond, as no real experience or "qualifications" are needed. S... (read in full...)
Past problems caused our break. What can I do?
Q. My fiancé recently ended it with me 6 days ago. Saying out of the blue she wasn't happy. We only got engaged a month and half ago and had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby. A year and half ago her son died at birth and she never come to turns ...
A. 6 June 2016: Was it a mis-type to say "her son", as I'm assuming you were together then, if you were engaged recently?
She probably needs therapy and she may not be happy with you. I'd suggest couples counselling, if she'll go for it. If not, give her a little... (read in full...)
I worry my partner willnot accept my parents
Q. Hello I hope you can help me with my problem. I live in Canada; divorced and have a 7-year-old daughter. My parents are permanent residents and they travel back and forth. They have been there for me to take care of my daughter while I was in school ...
A. 6 June 2016: Please can we clarify some things first?
How long have you known him? Where did you meet him? When are you getting married? How much time have you spent together in person? How does your child feel about him? Has he met your parents? How do they ... (read in full...)
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