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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 28 October 2016: Just deal with it if/when it comes. When you feel it, sit yourself down and talk yourself out of it. "I have no proof". "Im insecure". "It makes sense they won't always be able to reply instantly".... (read in full...)
Dare I tell this younger woman how I feel?
Q. hi, my name is Roger. I am a 70 yr old man and I have become very friendly with a Romanian woman for over a year now, who is 31, and also married I can honestly say I have never got on so well with a woman in all my life we do many things together...
A. 8 August 2016: Roger, this is infatuation, not love. She is married and therefore unavailable.
Also, you are 70, going on 71, not 35. You may feel 35, but you need a woman around your age who is single, not a married woman who is yet to even be in the middle o... (read in full...)
Social media addiction ... How can I stop experiencing this problem?
Q. Does anyone have any advice on how to stop this social media addiction- I am surrounded by fake friends and people I just waste time with that all they do and j used to do is post on social media to show off - buy clothes go to expensive dinners or ...
A. 8 August 2016: I can see from your few posts that you are really struggling with this change in your life, so I think seeking therapy would be useful - even if it's some form of group therapy/support that applies to your situation somehow. Delete your so... (read in full...)
Is it normal for your man to check out other women's behinds?
Q. Is it normal for your BF to check out other women's behinds? Whether you are around or not? Do all/most men check out other women's behinds even if they are in a happy, committed relationship with their wives/girlfriends? And even if their wives/g...
A. 8 August 2016: Nature. It shouldn't be an issue unless they stare or keep glancing. Not all men do it, but most do (to some extent) - it's the same with women, though. It doesn't mean they value their partner less, so it shouldn't be made a big deal of,... (read in full...)
My brain isn't engaging and my focus is lost!
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I feel as though my brain isn't engaging and my focus is lost. Im almost 21 and instead of acting more mature and getting organised I feel i'm losing the plot. For example I act very irrespo...
A. 8 August 2016: Get therapy for the depression and start learning to be more organised. Use sticky notes to remind yourself to lock the back door and turn the heaters off. Put an alarm on your phone at night and/or during the day to check that you've done it (... (read in full...)
How can I overcome the fact that I can't stand being alone?
Q. For the last four years all I have done is go out an party and get involved with the wrong people - even though these people are selfish- superficial and life revolves around their own selfish motives I go out just to get my mind off and not be a...
A. 7 August 2016: Learn from the "wasted" years. Find what means something to you.
Help the homeless. Volunteer with animals. Get a new job or work harder in the one you have.
Remove all social media apps from your phone and do *not* search them for a month. A w... (read in full...)
My worklife has become uncomfortable since I dumped the guy I was dating. He is my boss. How should I handle this?
Q. I started dating a guy from work. I'd been single for a while and it was nice having someone interested in me. He wanted to tell everyone, i wanted to keep it quiet. I had previously dated someone from work albeit 4 years earlier but i wanted it ...
A. 7 August 2016: You can't keep a relationship with a work colleague out of work. Stop dating people from work.
This is a case of sticking it out, talking to HR or finding a new job/transfer.... (read in full...)
Is it too early to try to define our relationship?
Q. So I've been speaking to this guy since December. We met online and he perked up courage to ask me on a date in April. We went on a really nice cinema date before he left for work again offshore. We have recently went on another date at his which...
A. 7 August 2016: I think it's too soon to decide if you're a couple, but not too soon to decide if you're exclusively dating each other and nobody else.... (read in full...)
In love with a boy. What can I do to encourage this boy to fall for me too?
Q. I've been in love with this boy for maybe a year now but i have only gotten to know him in the last few months. I used to be in love with the idea of him but now that i actually know him, i've fallen ever deeper for him. The thing is, we've be...
A. 7 August 2016: This isn't love, OP; it's a crush. You really like him and he will either feel the same or won't - you can't change that. However, you do need to tell him because you'll get more hurt if you hang on and he's not interested. Being friends will be ... (read in full...)
I did lie to her about my age. Do I get my ex girlfriend a birthday present, hoping she'll start talking to me again?
Q. Do I get my ex girlfriend a birthday gift, maybe a book, Starbucks gift card and small flowers with small card attached just saying Happy Birthday from me? Or what would you suggest? I want her back and just even talking again to start. I met this...
A. 7 August 2016: She's acting maturely about this. You are not. You're too old for her and you lied to date someone who was barely an adult. That's not okay, OP. Not only that, but you were only together for 2 months and you claim to love her - not healthy at all; ... (read in full...)
I'm not priority on his social media
Q. What do people think about texting a partner and them not getting back to you, but seeing they are on social media a few times, then they text you back about an hour etc later? My partner does this and it makes me feel like he looks at his phone...
A. 6 August 2016: People over 16 should know better than to judge a relationship by Facebook. You're a grown woman, OP - don't use Facebook as a sign of whether or not your relationship is okay.
Taking time out on social media and not replying to you straight... (read in full...)
It's all wonderful except for his new attitude about our religion!
Q. Can two people be together long-term if they have different religion? I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him very much. He has some flaws but he is a good match for me physically and emotionally. we can talk for hours on end...
A. 6 August 2016: His parents have clearly used religion to punish him in potentially unfair ways, so that's why he's shutting down about it now. If everything else is good, maybe give it a few months. If he still won't have a calm conversation about it then, you ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about getting pregnant if we have sex.
Q. im a 13 year old girl and i need help!! me and my boyfriend both want to have sex but we dont know if we should. We have talked about it before but we cant decide. we have seen eah other naked before and we have fooled around naked a lot. but we d...
A. 6 August 2016: OP, well done for coming here; it's smart to ask for help. It's also smart to listen to the advice you're given and that is to be sensible and wait another 2+ years.
You wouldn't be able to care for a baby and your parents would lose trust in... (read in full...)
How can I last longer for her?
Q. So recently, I've gotten into a relationship with the woman of my dreams. She's my best friend, we've known each other for two years, shared ups and downs, been to the ringer and back and now things are amazing. We've also gotten physical a few ...
A. 5 August 2016: Give her a massage with some French Lavender oil or similar. Before you get to actual sex, work her up to it. Have a shower together and rub your hands all over her, but no sex, then give her a massage with the oil and place a couple of scented ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend avoids my family!
Q. Should i go on vacation with my boyfriends family even though he avoids my family? My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Things are getting serious and he's been mentioning marriage and I would love to marry him one day. The problem...
A. 5 August 2016: Sit down and have a very blunt conversation with him. There may be a reason that you haven't picked up on, or it may just be that he has no interest in being involved with your family. Whatever his response, use his actions to decide if he's doing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no time to spend with me! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating over 3 years, we met at university and moved to our parents separate homes afterwards. This worked great as we both worked weekdays and paid a little rent meaning we saw each other at weekends and had some money ...
A. 5 August 2016: Unfortunately, he's not as invested as you. There are plenty of free/cheaper things to do when you're together and you're not doing them.
I think this is showing where you're headed and it's not together.
However, that doesn't mean giving up y... (read in full...)
It's all wonderful except for his new attitude about our religion!
Q. Can two people be together long-term if they have different religion? I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him very much. He has some flaws but he is a good match for me physically and emotionally. we can talk for hours on end...
A. 5 August 2016: You can't. We don't know what religion you are, so we can't begin to estimate why he resents it, but it could bee he no longer wants or needs religion in his life and his family pushed him into it, so now he is angry about it.
If this is a recent... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 years is lying and hiding things? I don't know what to do about this
Q. Hi, I am with my bf for 3 years. We lived one year together after we decided to continue but living in a different places. When I met him he just came to US and all he had were 2 suitcases full of clothes and documents. I said this because last ...
A. 4 August 2016: OP, you have every agony aunt telling you to not make excuses for him and to just get the heck away! Whether he is a violent person or not, this behaviour is not normal and shows that he isn't trustworthy and very creepy, at best. The worst has ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to not like my boyfriend's very intrusive room mate?
Q. Did I overreact? My fiancé and I have seperate places. He has an apartment with roommates as do I. One of his roommates rubs me the wrong way. She's a girl. One time he invited me over to cook me dinner for a date indoors. As he was preparing our ...
A. 4 August 2016: I do agree with llifton, if their friendship was like this before you appeared in his life. Unless it's FWB, most friendships shouldn't change that much just because there's a new partner on the scene. Were they like this before and it's just since ... (read in full...)
Why am I not as hard as they are?
Q. So I have a rather weird question about my penis. I am bisexual and I had a few male sexual partners before in my life. I am 16 and now I have a boyfriend and we just started getting into sexual action as of late. Most of the sexual partners I ha...
A. 4 August 2016: You always both use condoms, yes?
You're very young - how old are these partners? Everyone develops at different rates, so it may just be something that improves over time. Please see your doctor, if you're worried.... (read in full...)
Why do I keep running into cheap dudes?
Q. Why do I keep running into men that are cheap,they always want something for nothing? I've ran into plenty of guys who want to use me for sex but then if I need something they won't have my back. Like why should I give u what u want but you can't ...
A. 4 August 2016: Male anon, you're talking about what you're doing to get sex, though, not a partner.
Why are you bribing guys with sex, OP? If sex is all they want, of course they won't hang around. Besides, sex still shouldn't be used as "payment". What exactly ... (read in full...)
I’ve been dating a guy my own age for 3 years, I find him cute but I just find older guys far more attractive!
Q. I find older men way more attractive than guys my own age! I'm in a relationship with a guy my own age (3 years and going pretty well) but though I find him pretty cute, I just find older guys far more attractive. And by older, I mean 10+ years. ...
A. 3 August 2016: I think 10 years is too much until you're both 25+ because the life stages are just too different before that. I mean, it's rare to find a healthy relationship between a 25 year old and a 50 year old that works because they're at different life ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 years is lying and hiding things? I don't know what to do about this
Q. Hi, I am with my bf for 3 years. We lived one year together after we decided to continue but living in a different places. When I met him he just came to US and all he had were 2 suitcases full of clothes and documents. I said this because last ...
A. 3 August 2016: I'm completely with llifton. I don't trust him and lying only makes it creepier.
I strongly suggest breaking up and having no more contact with him.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to not like my boyfriend's very intrusive room mate?
Q. Did I overreact? My fiancé and I have seperate places. He has an apartment with roommates as do I. One of his roommates rubs me the wrong way. She's a girl. One time he invited me over to cook me dinner for a date indoors. As he was preparing our ...
A. 3 August 2016: To be honest, I think she's lonely and just wants to be important to someone. She needs attention and he's the closest she's got, not to mention that she'll soon need a new roommate (you've told her that, right? She needs adequate time to find ... (read in full...)
I do like him but I need this long distance to stop. But I fear I'm going to lose him now that he's into me. What do I do?
Q. Hi all, I liked this one guy a lot a few years ago but he did not reciprocate my feelings then. We were really good friends at the time so it was really hard for me to get over him. I eventually moved to another city to pursue my education and I ...
A. 3 August 2016: You need to let go of him again. I'm in an LDR and they really are incredibly difficult, so if you're not up for it, you're not up for it. Sacrificing some of your day-to-day life because you'll be very sad about it isn't a good idea. Sure, lots of ... (read in full...)
I’m feeling guilty for not throwing my baby a party for her first birthday!
Q. Has anyone here held off the idea of throwing a 1yr old birthday party for tgeir baby? My baby turns 1 next month. Myself and dad mostly dad planned to not throw her a party. For some reason i have started to feel really bad. I feel like i was ...
A. 2 August 2016: I don't see the need for a big party, just a small one with the three of you, maybe with a couple of relatives for photos, as it is a landmark birthday, but the child won't understand, so it's for the family's memories.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got his ex pregnant but still wants to be with me
Q. My boyfriend n I have been datin for past a year now. I has showed great interest in settlin down wt me bt recently I fofound out he jst sees his ex galfriend and before I know wwhat is happpenin, she is already pregnant. We leave vry far from each ...
A. 1 August 2016: Your post is a little hard to understand, but I don't think you should be with him. You've only been with him a year, his ex is pregnant and he's still talking about marriage. You shouldn't even consider it until this mess is under control, which ... (read in full...)
Should I rekindle this old affair?
Q. So this is a bit long winded. 6 years ago I met a man a work and we had immediate chemistry. However we are both married. On a night out, we made out. We started a flirtatious texting relationship. We never had sex, only kissing. We would text all ...
A. 1 August 2016: Come clean to your husband because he deserves it. Don't tell his wife; it'll get to her eventually, no doubt. Answer these questions for yourself: How would you feel if your husband did this to you? How can you trust someone who would cheat... (read in full...)
Worried my alter ego is taking over
Q. I am 15 years old and have a very cool thing that I can do with my voice, I am able to make my voice sound like a girl. I was about 8 when I found out I could do this and very well in fact that everyone on Xbox thought I was a girl. I pretende...
A. 1 August 2016: You need to stop. Tricking people, whilst not necessarily your sole intention, is exactly what you're doing and isn't fair. People like your character and end up being let down because she's not real.
I don't think you're gay, but you may be gende... (read in full...)
Is she just an attention seeker? A flirt? Where so I draw the line with her?
Q. Where do you draw the line when you're a very flirty person and like the attention? What I mean is my work colleague is a very flirty person, the touchy feeling type. But where do you draw the line without making the person your flirting with g...
A. 1 August 2016: I've seen quite a few posts like this recently and all I can say to each is that it's incredibly inappropriate for work behaviour. If you like her, asking her out is a good idea, but this has got to stop at work because it's incredibly ... (read in full...)
Help, I have a huge crush on my dentist and want to make a move!
Q. I'm a pretty shy girl and tend to avoid situations where there is a possibility of rejection, but I can't just ignore the one I'm in currently. My dentist retired about two years ago and two young men were hired into the practice. The first time I ...
A. 1 August 2016: A big *NO* to the Facebook add; it's a bit stalker-like, though that's not the vibe you want to give off.
The dentist is there to do their job and that's it, so the only way to talk to your crush is when he is the one you're appointment is with.... (read in full...)
I don't think I can hide my feelings for my step brother much more. We are not blood related. What can I do?
Q. When I was 8 years old my parents divorced. Me and my sister decided to live with my mum. My dad met his ex girlfriend and they fell in love again, when I was 9 she introduced us to her children. Lets call them N (he is 11 now) W (he is 17 now) and ...
A. 1 August 2016: I know you're not related by blood and don't really view him as a brother because you weren't raised together, but that's essentially what he is. Everyone gets crushes and it's common to get them on inappropriate people, but you have to be matur... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling so alone when every single friend is coupled up and I have no family?
Q. I have two different friendship groups who I socialise with regularly plus a few friends who I see individually on a regular basis rather than as part of any group. I have known all of them for between 4 and 10 years. They are all aged between ...
A. 1 August 2016: Would being a stepfather be just as bad even if the children were adults? They wouldn't need any parenting from you, so I wouldn't rule out all mothers, just ones with under-18s. Specify what you're looking for on your dating profile and acti... (read in full...)
Why do I hate that my boyfriend remains friends with his ex girlfriend?
Q. Dear cupid why do I hate that my boyfriend remains friends with his ex girlfriend? I actually feel very bad for feeling this way, but I cannot help how I truly feel. This is an ex girlfriend he was with for 4 years, and he was madly in love wi...
A. 1 August 2016: I understand why you're uncomfortable with it; I would be too, but not everyone is happy to let go of someone who was important to them for 4 years. It doesn't make you less important to him and if you rust him not to cheat, that's enough. If he ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to my high maintenance friends? or should I learn to appreciate non materialistic things?
Q. I have this need to go out all the time for the last three years I have gone out from Thursday - Sunday (yes as ashamed looking back at it partying) while have a corporate job. It was non stop glitz and glamour waisting a 100 dollars a night on...
A. 1 August 2016: Volunteer in your spare time - help animals and people who are less fortunate than you. Start a savings account and don't dip into it, just add to it half of what you'd be spending on nights out, donate half of what's left to charities and use the ... (read in full...)
Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?
Q. Been on 2 dates with this guy. Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after th...
A. 31 July 2016: The only way to be sure a guy likes you for you and not for the messing around is to keep things public for a while and not let things go so fast.
Try creating some physical space to get to know each other without being physical at all.... (read in full...)
Is it fair that I don't want my boyfriend to go drinking with his female colleagues?
Q. Hey guys :) so I've boyfriend for 6 years now, we are usually very happy, and we've been living together for 1 year. Neither of us go out drinking a lot (we are both very homely). Well recently boyfriend started a new office job, and his team has...
A. 31 July 2016: It's not fair to smother and control him, which is what you're doing if you restrict who he can go out with. If he won't cheat, he won't cheat. If he does, it's on him, not the women. Are lesbians only supposed to have male friends? Are gay men only ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't let me touch her. What do I do?
Q. Hi there. I'm looking for some guidance. I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now and she barely touches me. I think I should maybe point out I am a very affectionate guy. I know I have a very high sex drive. My previous relation...
A. 31 July 2016: 2 - 3 times a day would be way too much for 99% of people; once or twice a week is more common, so I hope you're okay with that.
She may not be ready yet - some people like to wait a while before getting intimate.
Ask her gently why and s... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 29 July 2016: Your children will have a fairly crappy childhood while you stay with this man. I really feel for them - please kick him out before he moves his daughter in!... (read in full...)
My married BF says I worry too much that he is going to be unfaithful to me. Is it all my fault?
Q. Hi. I've been dating a married man for 3 years now. We have incredible sex together and lots of fun. We get along very well and are sexually perfect for each other. I care a lot for him. He cares for me. However, my insecurity issues ...
A. 27 July 2016: He's being unfaithful to his wife. He can't be unfaithful to you because you're just a bit on the side - you have no claim over him.
Your best bet is to end this arrangement and respect other people's relationships, as well as valuing yourself... (read in full...)
How do I get over extreme loneliness?
Q. I talked to a guy on Tinder for about a month and after dating a week, we hooked up multiple times. He was interested in something sexual immediately and initially I was only seeking something romantic and a possible relationship. I hadn't been with ...
A. 27 July 2016: It took you barely any time to get comfortable enough with this guy and he's not what you want. Imagine if you were actually compatible!
OP, rushing things gets people into dodgy situations, which is what this is. You may not regret it, but you ... (read in full...)
Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 27 July 2016: You're making it harder for yourself. You're going to put her off completely, if you continue.
Ultimately, having sex changed the friendship forever, so you either see it through or end up with an awkward friendship, if she wants one at all, any... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 3 July 2016: Sorry, OP, but I'm quite disappointed that a mother moved a stranger into her house with her children before she really knew him and before they really knew him.
You are clearly a good mother and don't need this man, as well as being wise enough t... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about these issues? He expects my sons to contribute via chores but does nor expect his teen daughter to do anything
Q. I'm Engaged!!!!!!!!. I should be excited right? I'm more worried than anything. We have dated a little over a year and are planning to get married May 2017. We both have children from a previous marriage. He has two daughters (21 and !7), I have ...
A. 2 July 2016: I'll give you this situation from the sibling PoV: my brother is only 3 years younger than me and I was the one constantly made to learn life skills and do chores. I'm glad I learnt how to do laundry/cook, but I resent that my brother has never been ... (read in full...)
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