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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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I have literally no interest in pursuing girls anymore, is this normal?
Q. Hi all, I have a situation where I can't decide whether it's normal or not. Basically, I have literally no interest in pursuing girls anymore. I'm 25 years old, never had a GF, my sexual experiences are one night stands or brief flings and...
A. 2 June 2017: Anon, back up a bit. Assuming I'm correct about who the OP is, they haven't mentioned that she was manipulative, particularly at the end. The OP's mistake was not getting rid of her properly when he knew they wanted different things and keeping ... (read in full...)
I cant seem to crack the code to being happier, I am always miserable.
Q. I wanted to ask if someone else has struggled to be happy- I am a miserable person and as much as I try in therapy I just can't be satisfied. I worry a lot about what others perceive me and I please People. Sadly the only joy I have gotten is ...
A. 30 May 2017: Take a break from social media. Get two hobbies - one you can do on your own and one that gets you out meeting people. You've left a selfish, superficial life behind, so it'll take time to build a new one. You will never be happy while y... (read in full...)
The guy I'm dating doesn't want kids but I do
Q. I am dating a guy I am 35 he is 46 he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and would marry me tomorrow if I wanted it. We have loads in common hobby wise, we have similar political and religious stances. However I really...
A. 29 May 2017: He knows you want children. Don't beat around the bush or talk about how he'd be a good dad, etc.
Just ask him straight out: do you want children?
If he doesn't say yes, it's a no. You must try to see if he doesn't seem sure of his "yes" as wel... (read in full...)
Who am I? I want to be bisexual as I think I like girls more than boys now. Hardly anyone I know is bisexual
Q. I have been out with loads of boys but I kissed a girl and I think I like girls now. I want to be bisexual, but don't know what people would think and well it's harder to get a good relationship because hardly anyone I know is bisexual or gay. W...
A. 29 May 2017: You're too immature to make this decision. It's not a bad thing; many your age are still unsure/curious. Some people your age just know they are straight/gay/bi/asexual/etc., but you can't say "I've dated loads of boys and kissed one girl - I want ... (read in full...)
Is there a reason I didn't have an orgasm the first time I had sex?
Q. Hi I'm a near 18 year old female. I lost my virginity a few months back and have only had sex with that one guy. We've always been kind of more than friends (well for over a year), but not quite defined as anything more. It just sort of happened one ...
A. 29 May 2017: Cut out the porn for a while, hang out together without sex, masturbate less, etc.
I know you trust him, but perhaps it would help if you were having sex with someone you knew loved you and vice versa. Not everyone needs that connection (unspoke... (read in full...)
The guy I'm dating doesn't want kids but I do
Q. I am dating a guy I am 35 he is 46 he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and would marry me tomorrow if I wanted it. We have loads in common hobby wise, we have similar political and religious stances. However I really...
A. 29 May 2017: He's a fair bit older than you and entering the part of his life where most don't want to begin a family. They may already have toddlers or young children, but they don't usually want newborns.
You can push all you want, but if it isn't a definite... (read in full...)
I feel massive resentment towards my boyfriend because everything works out for him but never for me
Q. I don't really know how to word this but I have massive resentment towards my boyfriend because everything just works out for him, I don't want to be jealous or annoyed but I am. A few things I can think of are that I applied to go on an aid trip to ...
A. 29 May 2017: First of all, Holland - he's getting it because his is taught in English. Instead of learning Spanish, you could learn Dutch, but you're not. The aid trip - he didn't get on the same one you wanted, his mother arranged for him to go on another. W... (read in full...)
How do I hide a love bite?
Q. It was my school leavers party on friday night where all of my year and people from different people from other schools came to get drubk basically. I was with my friends which included this boy I know. we were drinking and smoking and we were quite ...
A. 28 May 2017: First thing, don't get drunk because it lowers your common sense and makes you vulnerable - had you been sober or only had one drink, you wouldn't have let a boy leave marks on you and you'd have probably been able to stop it if he tried to go ... (read in full...)
Should we get back together?
Q. my ex broke up with me a month ago, and my feelings for him are still very strong. i could tell that he didn't want to break up with me he cried as he said that he had to leave me, and even heard his friends saying,"why is he crying today? did you ...
A. 28 May 2017: You need to stop acting like a couple, if you've broken up. A month is no time to get over each other, so the feelings will still be there.
Ask him why he broke up with you. If it's a valid reason, then stay broken up and put space between ... (read in full...)
I have literally no interest in pursuing girls anymore, is this normal?
Q. Hi all, I have a situation where I can't decide whether it's normal or not. Basically, I have literally no interest in pursuing girls anymore. I'm 25 years old, never had a GF, my sexual experiences are one night stands or brief flings and...
A. 28 May 2017: You're not ready. Don't force it. If you want to talk to girls, put yourself in good positions to, like speed dating, just to give you random experiences. Don't do it in places like clubs, that are more for hook-ups than actual conversation.
You'v... (read in full...)
He has ED, should I stay with him?
Q. I am planning to settle down with this guy as I really want kids (I've wanted them for years) and I'd like someone to help bring them up. I've been dating for a few months and found out that he has erectile dysfunction. I am not in love with him...
A. 27 May 2017: You can always get a sperm donor to have children, but you should not pretend to love a man just to have a baby daddy who is around. You've only been together for a few months, let him go!
Not only that, but ED can be medically helped in most cas... (read in full...)
I fell in love with a part-time escort and not sure what to do now
Q. Long read, please be patient. I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it diffic...
A. 26 May 2017: I think you need to find someone who isn't an escort. You have a crush, not love. It will fade, *if* you stop encouraging it.
Either ask her out properly or move on and cut contact with her.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my art teacher of my feelings in case I never see her again?
Q. So I'm a 16 year old girl I'll be 17 in 2 months. And I am in love with my female art teacher. Sadly she is straight and has a boyfriend. I want to tell her how i feel after I graduate just to get it off my chest but I'm afraid that she will never ...
A. 26 May 2017: Reasons it isn't love:
- it isn't mutual
- you don't know her properly
- your age means it's not love in the same way adult relationships are
- you're infatuated
There's nothing wrong with a crush, but that's what it is and you nee... (read in full...)
I know my friend's boyfriend is cheating on her but my boyfriend says I can't tell her
Q. Hi; I have a boyfriend who I love dearly and me and him are good friends with another couple who we go out with and see a lot. I am very good friends with the girl of the couple and he is very good friends with the boy of the couple although...
A. 25 May 2017: You should tell her. You'd want to know. Not only that, but can you trust your boyfriend if he's happy to protect a cheater?... (read in full...)
Should I tell my art teacher of my feelings in case I never see her again?
Q. So I'm a 16 year old girl I'll be 17 in 2 months. And I am in love with my female art teacher. Sadly she is straight and has a boyfriend. I want to tell her how i feel after I graduate just to get it off my chest but I'm afraid that she will never ...
A. 25 May 2017: There's no point in telling her. This is a crush, not love. She's also too old for you, a teacher (while you're a student), not interested in females and already has a boyfriend.
Let it fade, like all crushes do.... (read in full...)
He said he needed time away from me but still texts every day.
Q. So my boyfriend of a year and a half told me last week out of the blue that he needs time away from me. At first I thought he was joking and I said are you casually trying to break up with me and he said no that he stressed and that I've been mean ...
A. 24 May 2017: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We had a 3 month "break" where we still talked a few times a day, but kept it platonic. He did it because his priorities have to be work and university, so our relationship had to give. We've just ... (read in full...)
Do I date him or not? My mother says NO to dating him. My friend says Yes, or she'll not be my friend.
Q. So this guy likes me and i sorta like him back but people tell him not to date him but my best friend says if i dont she wont be my friend and people that said no because they wont let me date him and my mum says i should say no what should i do?...
A. 23 May 2017: I'd listen to your mum. Your friend is not a good friend if she'll threaten you.... (read in full...)
How can I cope with my sexual frustration? Masturbating seems my only option. How can I feel better about myself?
Q. I'm 26yrs old and have accomplished nothing. I failed college, don't have a job, and I am a virgin. I feel that I am a hopeless disgrace with no future or anything of value. My problem is that I am sexually frustrated but feel like I have noth...
A. 23 May 2017: By getting a job. Your sexual frustration is the least of your worries. Get a job, live your life, then worry about dating and sex.... (read in full...)
She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)
Q. Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...
A. 22 May 2017: How is it difficult to understand? It's so clear she doesn't want to do it.
If you love your wife, stop talking about threesomes because you're making her feel like she has to.... (read in full...)
Why does my husband have this need to tell virtual strangers they are attractive?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs. our relationship was the result of an affair that started as friendship. He is 20 yrs older than me. We have been incredibly happy for 8 yrs. He recently turned 70 and now seems to need attention ...
A. 22 May 2017: He's feeling old. With all due respect, I don't know why the young women are going for him. Does he have money?
He sounds like he's becoming slimey and I think you should nip it in the bud asap. Get therapy, if he is receptive to it. If he isn't... (read in full...)
He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...
A. 22 May 2017: Also, please do stick to your guns and not allow broodiness to take over when you know it's not the right time.
You'll have plenty of time to have children someday, but not plenty of time to have few responsibilities.... (read in full...)
He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...
A. 22 May 2017: That's ridiculous - what is he thinking?! Is he your age too?
Either way, he seems to be pushing you. Of course you shouldn't have a baby yet. You're so young and starting out in setting you're own life up, why does he think it's okay to keep bri... (read in full...)
What are the rules for family visiting when we are separated but still living under the same roof?
Q. My husband has recently said he wants a divorce after I started sleeping in another bedroom for comfort reasons after my breast cancer and mastectomy last year. He says he is sick of being the provider and is angry that I haven't yet gone back to ...
A. 22 May 2017: This seems a little rushed. Surely you want a divorce too, if you're going to give in to it so quickly? Don't get me wrong; he's being unkind, but have you discussed couples' therapy to try to save your marriage? Cancer can be tough on everyon... (read in full...)
How do I recover from this breakup?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. Neither one of us was expecting it, but it became clear that we loved each other but we weren't on the same page and wanted different things. Our maturity levels did not align. The hardest part for...
A. 21 May 2017: When someone passes away, do you get over it in a few days? No.
Relationships are the same. Give it time.... (read in full...)
I cannot keep on ignoring him. He keeps on asking me to his, what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am only 14 but have a boyfriend I think he is super sweet and super cute but he is always asking me round to his. I always decline because I am too nervous because he seems to eager to move on with our relationship but all we have ...
A. 21 May 2017: It is a very good thing you're not ready yet and well done for saying no.
He may be cute and sweet most of the time, but it is *not* good for him to be pressuring you. I know he's young, but boys who do that end up pushing girls intimacy it, whic... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work when you love their personality but aren't attracted to them sexually?
Q. I talked to a guy for a long time via text before actually meeting him. I loved talking to him and we share the same humour. Upon meeting him I continue to love his personality but I am not physically attracted to him. Can a relationship ever work ...
A. 20 May 2017: You can do, if you start to fall in love, but if it doesn't appear within a few months, it's probably best to let him go because the longer you hold on, the harder it'll be if/when it ends.
You both deserve to be found attractive by your partner.... (read in full...)
He's engaged and 13 years older than me. Could things work out?
Q. How many years apart is too many? The man I love is 13 years older than me, I believe it's one sided, but I'm just curious on what people believe. He's also engaged, could this possibly work out for me at all?...
A. 20 May 2017: Is he single? No.
Is he close to your age? No.
Both show there is no hope of you two together.
At your young age, it's important you find someone close to your age too. It's also never okay to go after a taken person.... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend wants to try to have a baby but we would still be long distance after the baby was born.
Q. hi guys and girls, i need some advice, i cant wrap my head around a situation what could happen. Me and my long distance relationship have been talking about the future, ( before I go into too much detail, we have been together over a year and a ha...
A. 19 May 2017: At your age, an LDR should be closed within a year. Very few excuses for it not to be. Do not have a baby with a man who isn't around. It's one thing to choose to be a single mother (adoption or sperm donor) and it's another to deliberately have a ... (read in full...)
I hate that I don't want sex
Q. Hi Everyone! I don't really know where to turn or who to ask for advice. I'm a 24 year old female- have been with my current partner for 6 and a half years. With our up's and downs admittedly. I love this man, I look forward to seeing him eve...
A. 17 May 2017: I'm appalled at anyone suggesting you're selfish or should force yourself. NO! Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both people, not traumatic.
You need to see a doctor about the pain. Also, needing lots of lubricant is normal - many people d... (read in full...)
Why does my teacher take photos of me? Yes I do have a crush on him.
Q. So I have a crush on this particular teacher for at least 4 years already. At first, i was completely not interested and found him extremely ugly. However, tables had been turned around in my second year of my Secondary school. Apparently he f...
A. 11 May 2017: This crush isn't important. You shouldn't act on it.
You need to report him if he is taking pictures of you. It's not okay for him and he shouldn't be a teacher, if he is.... (read in full...)
I'm fixated on having a boyfriend
Q. I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know ...
A. 11 May 2017: You need to be realistic here: - it's not falling in love; it's infatuation, a strong crush - you can't have boys "stolen" from you; they aren't yours just because you like them - dating at your age isn't a proper relationship, which is g... (read in full...)
I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.
Q. I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...
A. 11 May 2017: You don't deserve "closure"; you caused the heartache.
Your wife is hurt. You owe her.
Your kids know you betrayed their mum. You need to make it up to your family.
You *have* to realise the lady was *never* your "girlfriend". Married me... (read in full...)
15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.
Q. Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...
A. 10 May 2017: A 15 year old is old enough to know why her father has been so unreliable. Heck, a 13 year old deserves to know. You wanted to keep it from her until she's older, but she isn't stupid or too young to notice.
Her mother has a very good reason t... (read in full...)
Do I confess to my date about his ex?
Q. What do I do? I've got a date with this guy who I've fancied for a long time, but last year, I catfished his ex. Not on purpose, I just wasn't comfortable at the time with my sexuality. We spoke every day and then I realised after a couple ...
A. 4 May 2017: Wait and see how it goes. You could casually fit "I did a few stupid things when coming to terms with who I am" into the conversation and own up if he asks for more info, but don't make it about you. You may be able to talk about silly things you've ... (read in full...)
How can we successfully transition to, and survive as a LDR couple, after 3 years of dating each other at our college?
Q. Hi! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and we're now graduating college, and for the next year, will be in different countries... we know it's going to be hard, but we think we can get through it. I'm honestly really stressed beca...
A. 4 May 2017: Weekly video chats - twice weekly, if you can sometimes.
Text/Facebook/WhatsApp.
It's emotionally hard in that you can't physically be together, but you can still communicate frequently.
Be busy with hobbies/work/friends, bu... (read in full...)
Am I being too demanding? His excuse is, ''yes, but just not yet.''
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years. We do not live together. He wants me to move in with him, but I won't, because his ex-wife still has a key, and he refuses to change the locks. I don't feel safe leaving my things in his house ...
A. 2 May 2017: You don't just St need our advice; you *need* to take it. Don't stay with someone who is clearly being childish and disrespectful. He doesn't care about what you want.... (read in full...)
Advice on how women feel about orgasms please?
Q. My question is for the ladies out there - do you need an orgasm to enjoy sex? Most women I've ever been with have said they don't so I always took that to be true, but the one I'm with now says she does want and expect an O every time... Now I fee...
A. 30 April 2017: Starting sex before she's warmed up can be sore and painful, even with lube because she won't be turned on or relaxed.
Most women are okay not having an orgasm every time, but you still need to do enough foreplay to allow them to enjoy the quic... (read in full...)
Am I being too demanding? His excuse is, ''yes, but just not yet.''
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years. We do not live together. He wants me to move in with him, but I won't, because his ex-wife still has a key, and he refuses to change the locks. I don't feel safe leaving my things in his house ...
A. 30 April 2017: You really need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Unless you give him an ultimatum, he won't change. Even if you do, he may not and you'll need to leave.... (read in full...)
How do I leave this abusive relationship? He always finds me when I do leave.
Q. How do I even begin to leave an abusive realationship?? My partner has became very abusive in the last 9 months ( I know what your going to think .. why am I still with him after that amount of time) the answer is I'm sacred!!) what can I do?! ...
A. 30 April 2017: You must get help; you can't leave alone. If you escape to your sister's place and he comes to get you, don't let anyone open the door. Call the police if he continues or won't leave.
When he leaves for work, take a bag of important things a... (read in full...)
He went to a strip club, I went to see male dancers and an "eye for an eye" isn't feeling good right now
Q. I feel like the back story is needed (see below). But, my question is how do I let go of the fact my boyfriend went to a strip club TWO nights in a row while on business? I eneded up going to a male strip club for a girls night recently, now I'm ...
A. 29 April 2017: An eye for an eye isn't never good. It's childish.
You're mismatched because he thinks you're overreacting, but you are being hypocritical and over-dramatic about the whole situation, as you've been to strip clubs too and the way you've written ... (read in full...)
Does my friend have a fetish for trans guys?
Q. Dear Cupid(s), I have a cis-male friend who identifies as gay. I don't know if this is something I have noticed being transgender myself, but the only guys he has outwardly said he's attracted to when we are out, or together have all been transge...
A. 29 April 2017: Honeypie, when people are transgender, it's easiest to remember by knocking off the "trans" before man/woman and that's the gender they identify as. So, "trans guy" is just "guy" ("female to male") and "trans girl" is just "girl" ("male to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to have sex when women are having their periods?
Q. I'm meeting up with my bf next month who stays in another city. The problem is that the date when I will be going, I might be on my periods. I've told him that already to which he has said that he's fine with it. What can this possibly mean? Is he ...
A. 27 April 2017: Some do, some don't. Unless he's excited about it, I wouldn't say it's a preference of his.
Personally, I'd feel gross if I was intimate with a guy while I was on my period, but some don't care.
If you don't want to, don't. If you do, you can ... (read in full...)
I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.
Q. I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...
A. 27 April 2017: Stop acting like you're the victim. YOU CAUSED THIS! Of course your wife went crazy and your kids confronted you.
I'm pretty sure you can get a divorce even if she won't sign it.
She is not your "girlfriend" because you are married! You hav... (read in full...)
15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.
Q. Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...
A. 25 April 2017: My comment didn't poke at you for being an addict, but I think you're naive or in denial if you think you managed to keep your daughter away from it all. You may not have directly put her in harm's way, but she isn't unaware.
It's her choice t... (read in full...)
I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.
Q. I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...
A. 22 April 2017: You need to get a divorce and be single. You don't need to be married to be a good father and you're not being a good husband or boyfriend because you refuse to choose.
Whether your mistress (she's *not* your "girlfriend") wants anything to do wi... (read in full...)
15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.
Q. Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...
A. 10 April 2017: First off, good on you for getting sober.
Secondly, she is old enough to decide if she wants contact with you or not.
Lastly, I really think you should see a therapist to discuss this at length and find out if there's anything else you can try... (read in full...)
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