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Should I try to become friends with him again? I feel tempted to try again

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Dating, Gay relationships, Long distance, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2017) 16 Answers - (Newest, 13 May 2017)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi,I was in a 6-month LDR with this guy, but I ended it due to me having feelings for him (while him not).

So, there's been no communication for the last 1,5 month. Now I feel like contacting him again to become friends - I have no expectations he'll start feeling for me, though.

Should I get in touch with him again? I feel tempted to do so..

Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes, I will. Thanks a lot your valuable advice. Have a pleasant weekend.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 May 2017):

N91 agony auntGlad you've seen him for what he is and now hopefully you can move forwards.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

You were so right about it all. I ended everything today, due to him replying to me after 3 days. When l asked him how come, he said: "I had no time, as I had to prepare two exams". My response: "Whatever. Let's end it for good. Farewell"

He: "Ok"

I was hoping against hope when I replied to him last Friday :-(

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWait is this man actually wanting to hook up with you to get more experience? It sounds to me like he is not missing you, he does not want to be with you. But maybe if he is around in June you could be another notch on his bed post. Honestly I would not meet up with him. Don't put yourself out their to get hurt again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2017):

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You're right about that. Thanks again.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (6 May 2017):

N91 agony auntThat's a bullshit excuse.

If somebody wanted to be with another person, they would move mountains to do so. 'Not being sexually experienced enough' is one ofthe lamest excuses I've ever heard for someone to not want a relationship.

A lot of the fun in a relationship is getting to know each other sexually, so I don't buy what he's saying for a minute, sounds like a complete messer.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017):

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Just to make the previous point more clear:

He said he needed more sexual experience - due to his exes being too possessive/controlling of him - and was not ready to be with me. It's a bit strange because I have made it clear that I prefer a partly open relationship, allowing each other - separately or together - to have casual encounters with others from time to time...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017):

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So, you're saying that I shouldn't even bother to meet him when he comes in town at the end of June?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (5 May 2017):

N91 agony auntHe's not worth the time and effort.

Block, delete and move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017):

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You're right,and I highly value your input.. When I asked him whether the reason for writing me meant that his feelings had changed, he said: "The problem is I'm not experienced enough sexually", even though he's 46 - 11 years my senior - and was in 2-3 relationships for the last 15-16 years..

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (5 May 2017):

N91 agony auntHe may miss you but he doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

You want more than friendship, he doesn't. Can you honestly tell me that you can see a positive outcome from this where you're truly 100% happy being friends with him? I know how this will play out, he enjoys the attention that you give him and it strokes his ego knowing that you like him and he doesn't have to put any effort in.

At the end of the day you're the one in the middle of this and it's your feelings that are going to get hurt, not mine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

A quick update: he wrote me 2,5 hours ago (11am local time) saying hi, and asking if he was bothering me by this sms. Later he said he missed me a lot. I told him I felt the same.

I couldn't disregard his message, and maybe I made a blunder. He's coming at the end of June, and I agreed to get together...

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (5 May 2017):

N91 agony auntYou say that, but I don't think you're being honest to yourself.

You CANNOT be friends with someone that you like romantically, what will you do if you start speaking again and he tells you he's dating someone else? Believe me, you will end up hurt from this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2017):

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Thanks for the feedback..Well, in fact, the separation caused a lot of pain to me..

Basically, I'd like us to meet at least when he comes to visit his father living in the same city as me. This desire for reconciliation is not about sex but friendliness..

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (4 May 2017):

N91 agony auntNo, you'll just cause yourself more harm than good.

You like him, he doesn't like you. Why would you put yourself through the pain? This isn't a good foundation for a friendship.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (4 May 2017):

Denizen agony auntIt depends upon your expectations. He has made it clear he isn't that into you. You on the other hand might still be harbouring feelings that it could lead somewhere.

Furthermore as it is LDR you are likely to end up disappointed. If you know all this and still want to go ahead there is nothing to stop you contacting him. However if he has another companion your approach might not go down too well. Just something to bear in mind.

Why not find a lovely bloke near to hand who you can go out with and have some fun?

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