A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hello. please help me i went down to a few pubs today and on the way to them i decided to spy on my boyfreind in his bungalow bad i know and when i looked through his vertical blinds i found porn on his telly! i phoned and asked him what he was up to? he said i just woke him up, i know it was a lie because 2 seconds later the porn was still on his telly, i wouldnt mind if he told me the truth but he lied to me! should i tell him i was spying on him or just take his dirty porn away from him with his permission? i dont want to lie to him but i dont know what to do for the best!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Thats excellent.
Not only did you get the porn gone, by him aswell which means more but he also made sure he reassured you at the same time :o)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to thankyou all for your advice, and i chose to ask him to throw his 1 porn d.v.d he had away and he said ok babe of course so he broke it up in front of me and threw it away! then he replyed to me dont be insecure babe i love you your brilliant for me! so no more porn!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): Neither! It will likely break you guys up if you admit to spying or trash his porn. It was wrong of him to lie to you, but most guys do not feel comfortable talking about porn with their gfs. I would casually bring up porn, in a non-accusatory fasion, and see where it goes from there. Most men I know watch porn & whether they will admit to it or not depends on the girl's attitude. Don't take it personally, guys just like to wank.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): Most things are good in moderation. As long as he isn’t addicted to it then fine, there's no reason why it should have an effect on your relationship. Communication is key. Talk it over with him to better understand him as he's your boyfriend after all. Communication is even more important in your case if you feel the need to spy, although admitting you shouldn't is a good step in the right direction. Beating around the bush is no way to go about it. He did lie to you and that's not a great feeling to be honest but just bring it up calmly in conversation without getting confrontational. If he is worth it he'll gladly talk to you about it as long as he feels he's not being interrogated. My experience is different as my girlfriend liked watching porn but at first I was just plain embarrassed to admit I did to. Embarrassment is most likely the one reason why he hasn’t said anything so don’t take it to heart.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Oh dear the same old stance again on Porn, feel like this one goes in circles! Its pretty clear that about 85% of the men talked about on here like porn.. which i think would mean if we all paid attention and all sacked the men in our lives then they would be single and so would we lol.. everything in moderation!! A little something of naughty from time to time does you good! World of difference between someone totally focused on porn every waking moment, to someone watching the odd clip or the odd video or the odd mag, not all men that look at men are totally addicted.. some do just give it the occasional glance because they can. Men at times actually dont see the women in the porn they like the act they like to be turned on and wank! Once they have they move on to the next shiney thing... Not all men that look at porn from time to time are always doing it! Give them room to express themselves!
Anyway to the question asker, why did you feel the need to spy on him ? That isnt normal... What were you hoping to catch him doing ? Sounds like you didnt trust him, or you wouldnt have gone spying on him. What was he supposed to say when you rang him ? He probably thought he was doing no harm while home alone, and felt a bit strange by saying oh im watching porn and wanking myself blind, he probably thougth he would get told off anyway! You were out down the pub, he was on his own home alone having a fiddle lol... I dont think this is about the porn, this is a trust issue, you thought you would catch him with someone else.. yeah you did his tv screen!
As Toria said if you want to bring the porn issue up then ask him indirectly if he watches it and take it from there.. if he doesnt know you object to it then he will carry on anyway, not saying he will stop, but you have not voiced your opinion to him, ie you havent told him that you dont like porn and that you dont want him to do it, so youve not given him a chance to do anythign about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): The reader who says watching porn alone is not a relationship breaker is WRONG. Of course realising the man who you sleep with and love is degrading women and sees womens bodies as objects for his whacking of IS a relationship breaker. He clearly doesnt love his gf or feel her body isw enough to satisfy him or he wouldnt do it in the first place. Throw his porn out then dump the loser.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): Neither, watching porn alone in his own living room is not exactly a relationship breaker. However spying on him probably will be, aswell as helping yourself to his belongings. If you are worried why not subtley ask him if he likes to watch porn, but for Gods sake dont tell him you were spying.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (20 September 2006):
Well I wouldn't admit to spying on him because as you probably well know that was wrong of you to do, he probably didn't admit to watching the porn as he may have felt you would have disaproved of it or been hurt that he was watching it, I don't see your problem with him owning and watching porn it's not unusual but if it upsets you that much then I would start by asking him if he's got some porn and take it from there, maybe asking him why he feels the need to have porn so you can understand his reason for having it and then if you still feel hurt by it then tell him how it makes you feel.
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