A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair with my boss from august-november 2006. We ended on bad terms, I dumped him because things got way out of hand, he almost got me pregnant and suggested an abortion if I actually was! He is 35 ,married, has 2 kids (now he's 36, still married with 2 kids.) I was 18 and single (now im 19 and have a 21 year old boyfrend for the last 3 months) my boyfriend knows evrything and is totally understanding. It's awkward at work because my boss, my boyfrend and myself all work together!I was just wondering will I come clean like should I tell his wife/kids now or in a few years or should I keep it bottled up forever? Should I tell my parents in a few years time to free my guilty conscience or should I keep shut forever?
View related questions:
abortion, affair, at work, my boss Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): You should tell his wife. She has a right to know why her relationship is troubled as she has most likely picked up on but toes not know why. Of the friends I have who have been cheated on, the most popular lament is "why didn't somebody just tell me because now I feel like and idiot fool."
But the number one reason to tell is so that the kids will lose their father. Every minute he has exposure to his kids is another moment that they will grow up to be as miserable and unloveable as him. Why perpetuate such cruelty on kids as to think they deserved a lying slob for a male role model?
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (4 April 2007):
 There's an old saying, it comes from living outdoors like the animals - "Don't Shit Where You Eat". In other words, don't screw around with married men at your place of employment (where you earn your living). Why on earth do you want to tell his wife and children? What did she ever do to you? We ALL know what you did to her! You are very angry at him for asking you to have an abortion, but adultery (and that includes YOU sleeping with a married man, YOU are also an adulterer) is also part of the ten commandments. You didn't consider that when you decided to sleep with him in the first place! What exactly do you think sex is for. but making babies? If you tell his innocent wife and children what you did, you will break up their family and they will lose their father. If your tell your parents, they will be crestfallen that they did not do a better job raising you. You are not an innocent in this, you were of age and chose to be a part of something less than innocent. You cannot put all the guilt and shame on your parents, the married man and his innocent wife and children. You are asking for absolution by telling everyone of your sins and asking their forgiveness at everyone else's expense! You are feeling guilty because you ARE guilty, don't make everyone else do your penance for you. Suck it up and keep your guilt to yourself. And when you have done better by other people in, a few years, forgive yourself, you are human. Consider it a lesson in life, don't trust older men going through mid-life crisis' and grow up. You have one very important thing to be thankful for, your boyfriend obviously loves you very much to stand beside you through all of this. Prove to him that you are worthy of it by making better choices in the future. You should really consider changing jobs, no good can come from remaining there. Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, ruth2203  +, writes (3 April 2007):
guilt doesnt relieve hurt only makes it worse keep stum
...............................
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 I think u should keep quiet as u knew his situation before you got involved with him, another good idea would be to satar sending curriculums to different companies, a good new work would help you dear while it turns up keep it professional and move on it's over and u have a lovely boyfriend
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Ask yourself what your motives are. You seem to be blaming him for the affair. You slept with a married man. From your post I think you want to tell people to relieve your guilt. It won't undo or change anything. Maybe you will feel better but others will be hurt by your confession. You cannot claim you have the wife's interest in your heart, you have already proved that is not the case, so why "come clean"?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): I wouldn't tell his wife nor his kids. Not now and not in a few years. To tell his familiy his his business not yours.In yours stead I would look for a new job and try to keep out of his way, like ariel proposed. Try to understand what happend, forgive him and yourself and learn for the future, and you will get by to life in peace with yourself, the ones who are close to you and your environment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Don't tell anyone else, he'll only hate you for it. Never tell his wife and kids, they will be upset about it and your boss might even sack you for interferring with it. He'll tell them if he wants to know but apart from that keep your mouth shut about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, ariel +, writes (3 April 2007):
 What will telling his wife/kids or your parents do?His family is his problem,maybe she knows about his affairs,but chooses to ignore them.Keep your nose out of his business.Why do you want to tell everyone now one year later?
What happened happened, learn from it and move on.The best thing you can do is look for a new job and get him out of your life forever,
...............................
|
