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Please help me get me over my obsession with my ex

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 May 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I dated a guy a few months ago and we mutually ended things because we wanted different things.

Now I find we text quite a lot, he’s always giving out compliments, but I don’t know when he’ll reply etc. I know I’ve fallen in the trap of craving his affection.

Now I find I am totally obsessing over this guy and it’s making me miserable. I know I need to just walk away but my obsessive thoughts seem to be pulling me back into thinking about him, what he’s doing, who he’s with, whether he’s dating anyone, and to some irrational extent, why I’m not good enough.

Constantly wondering what he’s doing and putting him on an pedestal is making me feel awful about myself. It’s making me feel not good enough, like in a crazy-headed burden, and also making me feel very sad that I’m not able to control this easily. I HATE that I’ve got to a point where a text from him can take my day from a horrendous one to a great one, but I don’t know how to stop!

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can get out of this obsessive loop with this guy? We arranged to go for a walk tomorrow, and hes invited me to his birthday party. Do I go and assess the situation and go from there?!

View related questions: my ex, text

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A female reader, NORA B Ireland + , writes (26 May 2018):

They say in a relationship[even a short one] there is always one person more involved then the other.In this case it is you....Yes you have a hard choice to make..and Only you can Let go..of this obsessive loop...i understand it will be and is painful for you to do that.But you must be gentle with yourself and have peace of mind.Now this is the only way it is going to work for you.[1]Delete his phone no or else buy a new sim card.Cut out any connection you have with him...like social media,or any other level where you might run into each other.Remember he is in the Past and leave him there.Would you consider joining a new club or starting a new interest.Do not waste your time on this guy.However after doing this and your still finding it difficult,consider getting help from a counsellor.Kind Wishes.Nora B.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIf you two gave up after only two months I just don't see there being something to "try" for again. Or I think it will be a on/off thing or a FWB thing.

The fact that you kept in contact ISN'T helping. It's like an alcoholic who keeps going out to bars RIGHT after he/she decides to never drink again... It rarely works.

So IF you CAN NOT keep it platonic and be REAL friends, then cut him loose and move on.

You probably spend more time making him into this fantasy character than you actually do getting to know him, no wonder it didn't work out.

You made the break up about you. That you somehow wasn't "good" enough... when in reality you two probably weren't a great match. Didn't have enough chemistry or things in common.

Sometimes you will meet someone you are crazy attracted to who JUST isn't going to work out. It's life.

YOU made the choice to keep him around - my guess because you HOLD out HOPE that he will change his mind and date you... but if you two didn't make it past 2 months what is there to hope for or build on?

You know what to do.

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