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My brother’s divorce is making my parents argue!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A female Singapore age 22-25, *teff94 writes:

Hi Recently there's a case whereby my big brother just divorced with my sister in law. Now they have been to their seperated ways. Sometimes my mom keeps on thinking about why does my brother's marriage becomes like this. Pity him. My big brother always never like to discuss about his marriage. And now divorce becomes the big thing on my family.

So now whenever my mom talks about my brother's marriage my mom blames my father about it and she told my dad that you never do anything about it. Just keep quiet and never feel guilty about it. With an angry voice.Anf my dad replied her "there's nothing that I do wrong. Why you keep blaming me? Your daughter in law who wants to get divorce.This issue has been making my parents into cold argument. So after that my dad trying to keep calm so he kept quiet and went inside the room. As a daughter im just scared that my parents will fight and argue.And I just feel that my sister in law is making a nuisance in my family. And because of her my parents keep arguing and have a cold war and im tired to be the middle person. Help me please. Im stress about this issue.????

View related questions: divorce, sister in law

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntSweetie your mother is just very upset at the moment because your brother is going through a divorce. Your father is not showing the same emotion so she is taking it out on him. Don't be scared, this will pass. Emotions are just running high at the moment. Try and stay out of it and hopefully it will get better soon. All couples argue so try not to worry.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 August 2018):

I'm sorry, but you're caught in the fall-out of all the emotion. Your mother feels some responsibility for trying to help your brother salvage his marriage. Some people have a very deep belief you can work things out; and sometimes parents can impart some wisdom and advice that may make a difference. That doesn't always work. Your mom feels guilty; and her emotions are getting the better of her. Divorces have a strong impact on everyone close to them.

Your father is less emotional about the divorce. If he didn't offer any help; how does he really know it wouldn't have made any difference? That's what scares your mother, his silence and indifference to it all. Sorry, but men don't always express outward-emotion; although it can be killing us inside. Your father loves his son as much as your mother does; but he also knows your brother's marriage is none of his business. Your brother and sister-in-law had the opportunity to decide to do otherwise; but reconciliation was not an option.

You're an adult, and you will have to handle all this like an adult. Divorces happen. Sometimes there is nothing anyone can do about it; and the pain can ripple throughout the family. You just have to deal with it.

Your parents have been through plenty of things together. They will sort it out. Just don't be childish, people argue and have disagreements. That comes with marriage. If you're afraid their arguing will result in a divorce; you're jumping to conclusions. You're being emotional like your mother. You both should calm-down like your father. It's nothing anyone can do about your brother's divorce.

Your mother will settle-down. Give her time. Anyway you look at it, this is none of her business. Time will make her realize that.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntThe only two people who can really say why this divorce happened is your brother and former sister in law. And sometimes marriages do not work. It is more common for people to not "cling" to a marriage (if it's not working) but instead ending it and starting over.

Don't blame your sister in law. She didn't divorce your brother to cause havoc in your family. And neither did your brother.

There can be many reasons why your mom and dad are fighting over this issue, my guess is that they feel they BOTH failed your brother in teaching him how to have a healthy marriage (which probably isn't true but regardless that might be how your parents feel).Most parents spend so many years while raising kids doing their best to prepare their kids for the future and forget that the "kids" (at any age) are having to find their own path, learn their own lessons and in general find their OWN way. Parents can't live their kids lives for them.

So your mom blames your dad. Mostly because your dad is the nearest male role model your brother had. But also because WHO is can she blame? She probably also blames herself, just not out loud.

And it can be there your mom and dad are seeing issues in their own marriage in light of your brother's divorce and they don't know how to handle it.

If they do this in front of you or try and involve you, change the subject. Tell them it's between your brother and former sister in law.

And give them a little time. They are probably disappointed it didn't work for your brother.

All in all, there isn't much YOU can do to fix this. They are dealing with it in their own way, just like your brother is and you are. And of course them arguing doesn't feel like a good way to deal with it, but that is between your parents to sort out.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (12 August 2018):

I cannot for the life of me understand why your mother blames your father for your brother’s divorce but I do know that this is between your mother and father and you need to stay out of it. If you feel stressed find a friend or relative or perhaps a clergyman you can confide in but do not get in the middle of your parent’s arguments or your brother’s divorce.

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