A
female
age
16-17,
*iruri=]
writes:I'm asking info for a friend of mine, cos im trying to convince her not to have sex with this guy she hardly knows..Anyways she was talking to me about how theyre gna do it and stuff, and i told her not to, because she knows he sleeps around and everything and shes still a virgin and he might just use her, i mean i dont really want her to come crying back to me because i told her not to and she might regret it later..anyways she told me she hasnt told him that she's still a virgin and she's thinking that if she sleeps with him he wont realizebut i didnt know what to say to her..So if she actually doesn't listen to me and goes off with this dude, when they're having sex will he realize that she's a virgin?jeez i actually just hope that she wont go through with it =/ ugh xx
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male
reader, called Steve + ♥, writes (17 October 2009):
 I cant add more to what's already been said... just try to be there to pick up the pieces.... we all need a friend like you!
Steve
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger + ♥, writes (17 October 2009):
 OK this is something we see all to often, but I applaud you for trying to stop her. YOU are being a very good friend and I hope she appreciates it in the future.
I think you need to sit her down and have a serious chat with her. You need to tell her, that you are concerned about her, and dont want to see her make a silly mistake. Personally I would give her the hard facts and if you have already lost your virginity then maybe tell her about your first time - if it was bad, give her all the details (I know this might seem wrong, but she needs to realise what might happen).
Firstly, this guy is obviously a player, so warn her about the fact he may have STI's so if she is going to do it then for goodness sake make sure he wears a condom.
First time sex is not all the roses and fireworks that teenagers are led to believe in films and TV, so she needs to know what to expect.
YES he will know she is a virgin. She will find it painful, she may well bleed (a dead giveaway in anyones book, but the main point he will see is how she reacts to him. Girls who know what they are doing react, move and interact in a completely different way. She will give herself away as a virgin purely by the way she acts, and tell her that isnt a bad thing, its totally natural, as sex is about learning. We all start with a clean slate and learn as we grow.
Also tell her, that if he isnt having a relationship with her, and if this is "just sex" then he will probably not treat her the way a virgin should experience their first time. He might be rough and force the issue, which a loving caring boyfriend wouldnt.
Then there is the pregnancy risk. Is she on the pill? Tell her condoms fail. It only takes once to get pregnant - there are so many posts on here from young girls who got pregnant the first time. It only takes one sperm.
Finally tell her about the emotions. Sex messes with womens heads. Its all to do with hormones. When we have sex with a guy, we get attached to them, so likelyhood is she will want to continue this relationship with this guy, whereas he will have got what he wanted and will probably leave her waiting for more. She will get hurt.
I think you are being a great friend, but you can only do so much. You seem a pretty mature teenager, but sadly most of them seem to think they know best, and are "adults" when really they are just loved up children. Essentially you can only do so much, and if she is hell bent on doing this, then nothing will stop her because she knows everything and is "an adult, and mature".
Bottom line is, yes he WILL know she is a virgin. its something that is very difficult to hide, and even if she doesnt bleed, then she will not be able to hide her inexperience.
If she doesnt listen, all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong. Because it will go wrong. I wish you luck with this, I think she is lucky to have such a caring friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): heyy , umm look that thing happened with my friend too , she did regret it , believe me : TRY TO STOP HER ! seriously she's about to lose her virginity , it's real life here !Gosh , hope you convice her and btw she doesn't have to be worried about the guy but about her ! ughh ! .
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (16 October 2009):
 "will he realize that she's a virgin?" Who cares what he realizes. That's probably the least important thing here, no relevance whatsoever.
Your friend is about to lose her virginity to some guy she doesn't know that's not even her boyfriend. Her call and all you can do is warn her that it's just sex, no love involved, and it's crucial she uses a condom. You sound like a good friend so all you can do is voice your concerns and be there for her when it all goes south.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (16 October 2009):
He may not realize, but she will find it painful. And to top it off, afterwards she is going to feel used. Warn her once more that she knows his reputation and that he will hurt her. Also ask her why she wants to sleep with him. If she does go through with it, all you can do is be there with the box of tissues. Sometimes we have to live our mistakes.
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