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I'm afraid to be skinny again, and am happier being fat.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2019) 7 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2019)
A female United States age 30-35, *elidaeOBX writes:

I've had weight issues my entire life.

I used to be around 150lbs (8-10 size) and was very tall for my age in high school. Family members and bullies would degrade me and call me derogatory names, that I should stop eating even though I rarely ate. I sometimes skipped breakfast and lunch back then. 10 years ago I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and put me on Seroquel 1000mg and I doubled weight within six months. Kept been put on different medicine like Zyprexa, Geodon and Abilfy as I was misdiagnosed again and again. (I was in a group home at the time) I became severely depressed and stopped eating for days, basically becoming an eating disorder. I sharply dropped weight and only ate if I needed to stay alive. When I weighed around 175, someone told me that "175 is obese, no matter how much fat you loose you'll still be fat" and I started crying. The person told me to "shut up you damn crybaby" and I was so devastated that I started to self harm.

2 years ago I got of the group home and started to gain weight again. I'm happy with my weight but was told to lose weight for "health reasons" . To me being skinny, it's the flashbacks of the emotional abuse, eating disorder, depression and self harm. They don't understand that.

View related questions: depressed, emotionally abusive, lose weight

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A female reader, FelidaeOBX United States +, writes (12 April 2019):

FelidaeOBX is verified as being by the original poster of the question

FelidaeOBX agony auntThank you for your answers. The last time I was weighed was at the OB-GYN and it was 299.7 in late February. I am very mobile and can go down the steps without getting tired. (Yes I am losing weight slowly the right way, not like the "My 600 Pound Life Diet" restrictions including constant crash dieting) I have started going non dairy and organic since I do have GERD/acid reflux.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019):

You are not obese at 175 lbs when you are 5'11".

Don't concern yourself with losing weight, just worry about your mental health and do what is right for that first. Make sure your meds are correct and working right. If you are happy with your body and mind that is what is most important.

Try to avoid the bullies, and don't go on social media too much if that is an issue. Do not deprive yourself of food if you are recovering from an eating disorder.

I wish you the best!

R

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A female reader, FelidaeOBX United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

FelidaeOBX is verified as being by the original poster of the question

FelidaeOBX agony auntMy height is 5'11 as well

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A female reader, FelidaeOBX United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

FelidaeOBX is verified as being by the original poster of the question

FelidaeOBX agony auntI have autism, generalized anxiety and chronic PTSD.

Yes I was in group homes for 10 years. I was put in at 17 the month before my 18th birthday (June 2006) and got out in February 2017. Why I was put there because my dad and second (now ex wife) filed false CPS reports against my mom and grandmother.

Where I live, we do not have counseling services anymore. All of the current ones are filled up for substance abuse detox programs.

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A female reader, FelidaeOBX United States +, writes (5 April 2019):

FelidaeOBX is verified as being by the original poster of the question

FelidaeOBX agony auntI have autism, generalized anxiety and chronic PTSD.

Yes I was in group homes for 10 years. I was put in at 17 the month before my 18th birthday (June 2006) and got out in February 2017. Why I was put there because my dad and second (now ex wife) filed false CPS reports against my mom and grandmother.

Where I live, we do not have counseling services anymore. All of the current ones are filled up for substance abuse detox programs.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (4 April 2019):

Don't confuse good health-advice with criticism and bullying from people.

It's your body, and you are free to do with it as you please; but don't abuse it to prove a point to people.

Although you may have been misdiagnosed for schizophrenia, so you say; you still suffer from depression and trauma from emotional-abuse. So you have to be careful how you ultimately respond to criticism; and overreaction is often a symptom of mental-illness. Which can take you from one extreme to another in your eating habits and behavior.

Some people are more susceptible or hypersensitive to criticism than others. Some can ignore teasing and joking, and see it as typical human-nature. Bad-behavior we all encounter from time to time. Others will take one or two confrontations; and in their minds, it's like they can't walk two feet before they get attacked.

Surely you haven't survived over 30 years of life; without hurting anyone's feelings, or saying something hurtful. You can deny it, but it wouldn't be true. We're all human!

We all face abuses, offenses, and discomforts over an entire lifetime. You have to limit victimization, that it will not overtake or overwhelm your life. Yes, people can be pretty cruel. I'm gay and biracial, and I know! I've dealt with bullying, racial-bigotry, teasing, and discrimination practically all my life. I've realized I've got to love myself in order to deal with it all. Not do drastic things to myself to prove anything to anybody. I don't protest through self-abuse.

We can't improve ourselves, if we don't listen to the observations and evaluations others make of us as a person. Consider the source. If they're mean and just being ugly; you know it isn't true! I also know the difference between a personal-attack and constructive-criticism.

I know, these days the lines get blurred! Some people take everything to heart, and you have to walk on eggshells around them. I avoid people like that. I also avoid people who never have a nice thing to say about anyone. However, I can't deny them the right to speak their minds! I won't lose my mind over what they say either!

Sometimes criticism is helpful. Sometimes we need it. To believe no one has a right to criticize you ever is arrogance. To turn all advice into a personal-attack is ignorance. Using abuse as an excuse sometimes gets old. People are people. If you like having extra weight; then do it, and just be happy about it. Period! Don't blame anyone!

You may invariably manifest your frustrations and torment through eating. Claiming you like your "being fat" and comparing it to the other extreme..."skinny." You don't have to be fat or skinny, but a healthy in-between. What's wrong with that?

If doctors tell you your weight is effecting your health, you should listen to their professional advice. Do your very best not to feel attacked every-time you receive health-advice from people. Eating healthy doesn't make you fat, it keeps you at a healthy weight. Which could prevent health-issues like diabetes, high blood-pressure, and heart disease. That's what you go by, not by what someone says about your weight. If you feel healthy and viable, and the doctor has no problems with your weight; the hell with what anybody says!!!

It is correct that too much fat is unhealthy, but then again...what do you consider as fat? I define it as being grossly overweight; but people with eating disorders have a distorted perception of it. They could be normal or underweight, and see a fat person in the mirror. So we don't exactly know where you're coming from about it. It can also be used as a derogatory term to hurt someone's feelings...whether true or not! Same goes for skinny. Slimness can be referred to as "skinny," but it all depends on context; and the intent behind the use of the term. It can be a compliment or an insult. Fat is also determined by your fat index or fat percentage; weight as related to height, body measurements, and other factors.

We don't really know how you've been treated, or how many times anyone has attacked you. We don't know what type of personality you have. We can only speculate here! We have never met you, nor have we witnessed what you've been through.

If you suffer mental-health problems; coping issues need regular monitoring. I hope you are following the advice of your doctors. Not just listening to random insults; as what mostly influences your eating habits. Life is not about being skinny of fat. It's about having a good self-image, a healthy self-esteem, the ability to interact in healthy ways with others, being capable of showing love, and accepting love when it comes your way. You seem to be caught-up on weight issues; and claiming everyone is concerned about it. Perhaps not as much as you are sensitive about it.

Part of surviving the world is dealing with people. You can't control what comes out of the mouths of other people. Not a single individual on this planet can live a life-time without ever being criticized or verbally-attacked. You have to develop some resistance and immunity to commentary from others; but not let it drive you to behavior that may make you hurt yourself. We all live in a world populated by good and bad people. Words are powerful! Yet we also have to learn to withstand some words; because we can't allow what people say about us drive us to hurt ourselves. Unless we all learn to do that; it won't take much for other people to take control of our very existence.

Take good care of yourself. Enjoy being you!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (4 April 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI’m wondering if there may be a vocabulary barrier because your age says 30 - 35, but you say you left a group home only 2 years ago.

If you are happy at your weight and a doctor hasn’t told you to lose any, stay that weight, but be conscious of healthy eating and exercising - not for weight loss, just for overall health. If a doctor has advised you lose weight, it may be best to lose a bit, even if not to become slim.

In regards to your trauma, you need to see a professional therapist to help you overcome the mental health issues related to that and your weight.

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