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I feel like a blow up doll!

Tagged as: Faded love, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 May 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 May 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and when we first got together we had so much sex. Non stop multiple times a day. He even gave me my first ever orgasm. Things were great. But for some reason the past year I've been less wanting to have sex and understandably it's affecting the relationship. We probably have it once maybe twice a week now and it leads to so many arguments. Just the other day he was kicking off that his single mate had sex 4 times in a weekend and how wrong it is he's in a relationship and getting it less.

Not only that but it's got to the point where I feel like a blow up doll. We have sex usually doggy then he finishes. I say I hate that position as it's so impersonal and all I get is "you're the first girl I know to ever complains about that"

We've just been abroad and in 7 days we had it 5 times and the day we were back we had sex and it was incredible how it used to be. I was so close to finishing the first time in ages and then he finishes first so it's over. I was so disappointed but whenever I brinf it up it leads to am argument about how one time he tried to hold it in and not finish and it caused him pain and I shouldn't pit him in pain.

In getting resentful now because he gets what he wants out of it And he's happy. Today he tried it on and I said no and he lost it saying we never have sex. I mentioned how I skipped my period for holiday (mainly for swimming) and we had so much sex (as mentioned above) and h3 said there was no point as it wasn't enough!! What was I meant to do ? I can't so it when I'm not in the mood. He said the quantity has gone down hill which is true but then he said so has the quality. Which hurt so bad. He said I can tell you roll your eyes wh3n i finish. So I did Say he was selfish in bed which I know was harsh but I was angry.

He acts like it's always down to me and if I don't want it w3 don't have it but when I do want it I always get it. Well yes i can't help it If I try it on and he's always in the mood.. doesn't mean I should just do with him when he's in the mood so it's in his words"not always on my terms" we had a huge argument and I told him to go

And he actually did. Went home. I don't get it we were fine till he tried it on I said no then started the argument about is not having it despite a week ago having it 7 times! What do I do ? I feel like sometimes I should just so it to make him happy. Or are we just not compatible

View related questions: in the mood, orgasm, period

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (16 May 2018):

N91 agony auntGet rid.

He sounds extremely childish. You’re past the honeymoon stage now and your sex drive has dwindled slightly, which is absolutely fine and will happen to lots of people. His on the other hand hasn’t and this is where all the conflict is stemming from.

It’s not wrong for him to want more sex just as it’s not wrong for you to be fine with less. But the way the discussion goes just isn’t productive at all. Without the help of a couples councillor I don’t think there’s going to be any positive solution from this. You’re still having sex, you aren’t withholding it from him completely so you are compromising with him.

I can understand why your sex drive is decreasing also due to the fact your not being satisfied. Have you actually told him that? If you’re completely honest it is POSSIBLE that he may be more understanding, maybe not. Ask him how he would feel if you just got off and then left him to sort himself out because that’s what he’s doing for you. Why would anyone want to have bad sex multiple times a week? But for him to know it’s bad you need to tell him. It will hurt his ego for sure, but he needs to know.

If he explodes again and has nothing productive to say then the only outcome I can see is going your separate ways. Sexual incompatibility is a perfectly legitimate reason to break up. Especially if it’s causing many arguments like it sounds is the case here.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (16 May 2018):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThis is a Mating in Captivity problem. A reading of Esther Pearls book of that title would probably help. Essentially you are not excited because he is too close, or too familiar. All it took to reignite your fire was a change of scenery.

The good news is now you have broken off with him. His new status as a free man should make him more exciting to you now. The real question is will you find a better way to keep your interest next time?

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (16 May 2018):

femmenoir agony auntI agree with all Honeypie has stated, however, i would also add, a healthy relationship isn't only about "sex".

I'm sorry, but as much as healthy sex in a healthy relationship is important, it's certainly not the be all and end all.

What would happen if you both married, had children and you were dead tired and didn't feel up to having sex, or vica versa?

Would you both decide that the marriage is over, just because the sexual contact had diminished?

What if one of you got sick and couldn't have sex, even for a long while?

Think about all these important factors.

A good, healthy relationship, is one by which, two people can have a healthy sex life and have "many other factors" that also "lead/add" to the quality of their relationship AND if the two people don't have sex for some time, or for an extended period of time, they can still find joy in each other and in their relationship.

If truth be known, you're both still young and this isn't totally unusual, but in time, you'll both come to realise and appreciate, that sex alone isn't everything and certainly isn't the only factor that will keep you together for the long term.

Your bf sounds like and is acting like a young teen, who's trying to keep "score" of all your sexual encounters and for him to even compare the amount of times you guys do it vs his mates and their partners, is ridiculous and so childish of him!!

It's high time he grows up and you should be able to say NO if/when you feel like and he should respect your wishes, as you'd be expected to respect his wishes too.

You aren't a sex object, simply there to please him every single time he requires sexual gratification.

As i mentioned before, what if you feel unwell, or you're having your period, or you are dead tired?

Does he understand or even care?

I would advise you to think long and hard, about whether or not you want to spend years to come with this guy.

As you both age, sex won't be the highest priority and then what?!

What will you both have in common then?

Remember, placing sexual pressure upon each other, is almost as unhealthy as having no sex at all.

This is something to think about.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI had a friend who's BF was .. well, let's call it.. fast. No foreplay, not much about HER before, during or after and then he would say as soon as he ejaculated... Oh you can finish yourself, right?

THAT was the extend of their sex life.

And she STAYED with him for a couple of years!

You are going to HAVE to accept that HE WILL NOT change. He will not even discuss it because it's NOT good for his wittle ego.

The REASON he is having LESS sex than his single guys is because he IS BAD in bed.

JUST because HE finished doesn't mean he can't "help" you finish too.. OR get you off BEFORE he gets off.

Sorry you have a lazy BF who seems to think sex is all about HIM getting his, so he can BRAG to his mates... what is he? 15?

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