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anonymous
writes:Okay, I may need a man's opinion on this one. I've been seeing this man for about 2 years. He has three older kids, two in college, one who's married with 3 kids of her own but she lives 1000 miles away. I've never had any kids of my own, though I've always wanted them. We get along well and he says he loves me but I think I'm the first woman he's ever been involved with that didn't have any kids (unless you count the two women he married, and then he had kids with them) so I worry that he's going to be bored. His last long term g/f had 3 young kids, the one before that had one young son, so I know he got used to having them around to play with, and just the day to day schedule of feeding, homework, daycare etc. He is very family oriented but his family and his kids all live far away. At times he seems restless like he's looking for projects to do around the house, or things to build and I notice that he now takes more assignments out of town even though he complains that it's hard to keep his regular work caught up so I suspect it's because he's trying to fill the void the kids once filled. When we're out together, I see him watching young mothers shuffling their kids around and I wonder if it's just a matter of time before he ends our relationship to be with a women who has kids. Do I have anything to worry about? I don't know how important these things are to men? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. They were all helpful. To rhythmandblues2, he's not a loser by any means but those 2 failed marriages were a red flag to me too. Both marriages were in his 20's. The first was while he was in college and his g/f got pregnant, so you know how those things work out. I actually think they were only 18, but they lasted 5 yrs, all during college, with demanding school schedules, both achieved bachelor's degrees and landed important jobs and it became a battle over who's job were they going to re-locate for. The second marriage came only 3 years after the first one split. I think in the past, his tendency was to fall in love too quickly and rush into a committment before he knew if they were even compatible. He doesn't do that anymore. His 2nd wife suffered from severe depression. She committed suicide 10 years after they divorced, though she was married to someone else at the time and also unhappy. So he's had a hard life in some ways and I know family is very important to him. We do share alot of hobbies and common interests but I just sense that it's a first for him and I worry about that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I am not sure it is the fact that you don't have kids, but if your gut is telling you that he is bored and restless and with you or your relationship then I would listen to that little voice.
Honestly, this guy is what a two-time or three-time loser? Meaning he has been married multiple times and had kids with multiple partners...he does not have a good track record for commitment, and this is what you need to pay attention to most if you are hoping to settle down with him, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior I am afraid....one failed marriage is one thing, but two or more is a red flag in my opinion, unless both happened in his early twenties when he was still wet behind the ears.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Why not ask him? For myself I would reject a woman who did have kids rather than the other way around. If he seems restless maybe you can find a hobby the two of you can do together. Try to get him to focus less on children and more on you.
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reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (31 July 2007):
Why don't you just live in a day to day relationship with your Now-Man. And enjoy the time that you are now sharing together. We can't make someone love us, nor can we make them stay, if they don't want to. Lots of women ask this question, "Why can't a man be more like a woman" Perhaps, That is the wrong question to ask. When she should be asking, "Why can't I be more like a man"? Then she,like him,won't be getting hurt when he moves on. Her love isn't centered in her genitals,like his. And us men quite often change our gf's like we change our clothe. And when another Mrs right-one come along. It's Goodbye Sweetheart. In your case you would have to look at his past relationships to look into the future. So As I have said,Enjoy today. And all of your tomorrow's are in the hand's of God.
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